Page 59 of Chasing Never
But Nolan’s gaze is far off, distant. He’s looking at me, but through me all the same.
“Nolan, I didn’t mean to?—”
“No, no. I know you didn’t,” he says, though the statement seems rote, his subconscious working from what it knows he should say, as if the real Nolan has no idea what’s coming out of his mouth.
It’s agonizing, watching what I’ve put him through. My mind returns to the men in the parlor and I ponder what my body would do if I were to see my tapestry and find myself chained to one of them.
“You changed your fate before,” I say, though my words sound rushed. “The Eldest Sister was there. She told me you were one of the few who had managed to rip their own tapestry. We can fix this. We can change this.”
But Nolan no longer appears to hear me.
“Nolan, please look at me.”
His eyes—glazed over—snap back into focus, and he takes me in. There’s an anger in his gaze that pierces deeper than the distance. I can’t bear to beg him not to be angry with me, even after he promised to bear this burden with me.
Because it’s not my burden. It never was.
“I’m sorry, Darling,” he says. “But I’m going to need a moment to myself.”
He turns to go, and my heart cracks in two at the idea that Nolan cannot even stand to be in my presence, betrayed as he’s been by his own wife.
“Nolan, please,” I say as I chase after him, grabbing his coat sleeve.
He winces and comes to a halt, craning his neck to peer behind him ever so slightly. He takes his hook and gently removes my hand from his arm.
“Darling,” he says, his voice soft, “I need you to afford me a moment to process this.”
His voice is firm and gentle, but it throbs all the same.
“All right,” I say, my words getting caught in my throat, strangling me.
“We’ll discuss this further once I’ve—” He must not know how to finish his sentence, because he nods curtly and then disappears into the crowd of dancers.
A few of the dancers stop, some making way for him, some grinning and slapping him on the back. Their faces go cold when he hardly responds, and a few of them glance at me.
“What happened?” asks Charlie, at my side instantly.
I watch my husband descend into the belly of his ship. “I ruined his life.”
CHAPTER 26
When I make it back to our rooms, I’m shocked to find Nolan packing a satchel full of clothes.
“You’re leaving?” I ask.
My heart might crack, but it cannot bring itself to feel surprise. There’s a part of me, deep down, that always knew this would happen. Our happiness has always been too good to be true.
Nolan is facing away from me, and it appears as if it takes great mental fortitude for him to pivot in my direction. Even now that he’s looking at me, his boots are pointed to the side, his body ready to shift away.
“Only for a few days,” he says. “I just need to take some time to process this by myself.”
“Where will you go?” I ask, panic welling inside of me.
“I told the crew to port in Narioma. It’s the nearest town,” he says.
“And what are you going to do in said town?” I say, indignant.
“Nothing,” he says. “There’s a mountain path. One that I can hike for a few days, just to clear my head. Three days,” he says. “I won’t be gone a second longer.”
