Page 88 of The Older Brother
“I hope you do,” she says, though, which gives me a sudden pause.
Our eyes meet for a quiet breath, and for the first time since our world imploded, I feel the emotional lump threaten to choke me. I clear my throat and glance around the bare walls. All her art is gone, too.
“I should hit the road. I’ll let you know when I make it there. Rowan’s following me, so I’ll be safe,” I say.
My mom leans to her side to peer out the window at Rowan in Mig’s truck. Her eyes slant with what I think is envy.
“Good. I’m glad you won’t be alone.” Her gaze comes back to me, and my body starts to itch from the awkward vibes that always seem to creep in between us now. It was one thing when we were always arguing. Now, the power shift has only made things feel sad.
“I’ll let you know about Thanksgiving. I’m sure Cami’s family will be hosting something, and maybe?—”
I let the thought linger there, and my mom only nods. We both know the silent rules. Maybe we’ll be in a better place, and we can both sit at the dining table together.
“I’ll see you soon,” I say, moving my hand at waist level for a tiny farewell before heading back to the front door.
“Hey . . . Saylor?” Her voice quivers, and the sound sends a shock through my chest. I stop, my hand on the doorknob, freedom only a few steps away. But there’s something so desperate in her voice that I must see it through. I turn as I say, “Hmm?”
Her eyes are glassy, and her mouth is a tight line as she mashes her lips together. She’s trying to find her courage. It’s one of the few ticks she has that I do as well. When we struggle for words, our expressions are so similar.
“You know, right?” She bobs her head side to side, and for a moment, I consider answeringno.But that would be the old me, and I’m trying to be healthier with my relationships with my parents now. No more passive-aggressive baiting. Only honesty.
I nod.
“I do, Mom. And me too.”
She nods back, her tight mouth forming a pained smile.
I shut the door behind me and breathe in through my nose, one last reminder of the dry desert air and my mom’s sage bushes that have fizzled into tumbleweeds now that the water hasn’t been running to them for weeks.
I march straight to Rowan, and he rolls his window down as I approach. I lean into the truck, lifting myself up on my elbows so he can caress my head and tell me everything’s okay.
“I’m proud of you, baby. That was hard. I know it.” He kisses the top of my head and releases me so my heels fall back to the ground.
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Worse than sending her to the wolves.” My eyes sting, but I don’t want to give in to the pressing need to cry today. I won’t give up my excitement for this. If I’m going to be sad about anything, it’s going to be about Rowan driving away when he’s done moving me in.
With nothing else to tackle before our drive up north, I head back to my car and dial Rowan so we can talk on our speakers all the way to my school. The one time that there’s hardly a lick of traffic, and it’s today, the day I wish would slow down.
We park side by side in the main student lot, and then Rowan proceeds to haul all my things into my dorm room while I sort my clothes and make my bed. My roommate is sweet. Her name is Megan, and she has curly short hair that she pulls into space buns on either side of her head. I can tell we’re opposites in a lot of ways, but she seems to have good energy. I choose to see opportunity in her, and the way she eyes Rowan’s ass as he stands on my bed and pins lights to the ceiling above us means she has good taste in men, too.
The afternoon cheats me more than morning did, and it’s near sunset before I have time to really accept that this is it. My next phase. The biggest of all steps. And Rowan and I’s first real test. If we can make it through this semester, I’ll feel solid about our future. But I don’t pretend it won’t be hard. If anything, Rowan is surer than I am of everything. Sometimes I wonder if he has a mirror or simply doesn’t know what he looks like.
I walk him down to the front desk, where yet another student worker checks him out, and I plant a terribly inappropriate kiss on him to claim my territory.
“Hey, I have an idea,” I say as he brushes the thousands of stray hairs that are tickling my cheeks away from my face. I’m sure I look like a wild animal. Moving is hard work.
“And what is that idea?” he asks, sliding his hands around my back and dropping them into the back pockets of my shorts so I feel his massive hands on my ass. I blush, but I also grin.
“Now that we’ve moved everything into my dorm room, let’s move it back to the truck, then you can take me home with you.”
I blink expectantly as he laughs. Of course I’m joking, but also . . . not.
“I’ll be back up here in a week. In fact,” he steps back to look at his watch as if it tells days and not just time. “I’ll be back in five days, four hours, and fourteen minutes.”
Oh wow. Maybe his watch does.
“Okay,” I grumble, sinking into his chest as he wraps his arms around me. I breathe in his scent, wanting to have a reminder of him when he’s gone.
Rowan lifts my chin and takes my top lip between his, sucking gently and holding me still for long seconds.
