Page 46 of The Older Brother
“Oh. My. God!” I can feel my hot skin against my hands. Cami is torturing me, but also, what an incredible thing to be teased about. This is the fantasy. I’m sure we giggled over this very subject when we were freshmen. And now here I am, possessing hard facts, so to speak, of exactly how big Rowan Anderson’s cock is.
“It was . . .a lot,” I finally admit, peeling away a few fingers and glancing at my friend. Our eyes meet as she laughs.
“I’ll bet!” She slaps the steering wheel, then wraps her hand around it to mimic me gripping Rowan, I suppose.
“It got easier, though. I mean . . .a loteasier.” I can’t believe I’m sharing this much.
“Oh, I see. Okay, okay. This thing is good for you, whatever is going on between you two. My girl is having an awakening,” she says.
Awakening.Hmmm.I suppose I am. I sink back with that thought, letting it settle over me while my skin tingles replaying our night together. I like the woman I am with Rowan. I like her a lot. She’s bold and a little wild. But there’s more to it than the sex, at least Ithinkthere is. I don’t know if I would have had the guts to say my desires for my future out loud if it weren’t for Rowan’s gentle support. He makes it feel safe to step out of line. To dream.
“Caleb texted me looking for him when we were together,” I share.
“Oh, that’s interesting. Kind of a nice bonus, I suppose . . . making that joke jealous.” Cami’s dislike for Caleb doubled when we broke up.
I waggle my head.
“Kind of. I mean, my spiteful side likes watching Caleb suffer. But I think Rowan likes it too. They’re not exactly close, and I wonder how much of what we’re doing is about him shoving it in his brother’s face, and how much of it is real.”
My friend doesn’t have an immediate response for this question, offering me nothing more than a crooked, wry smile and a heavy sigh. I haven’t shared the details Rowan gave me with her about how Caleb sold him out. That’s Rowan’s story to tell, when and if he wants. I won’t betray his trust. But it’s that bond, the one beyond the physical appeal and the sweet revenge byproduct, that has me feeling so conflicted.
The party atmosphere is in full swing by the time Cami pulls into the lakeside dirt parking lot. Within minutes of arriving and rubbing our bodies down with sunscreen, I have a cold beer in my hand and an offer to take over a beach chair from some guy I barely knew in high school.
“I’m good. I think I’m going to take a dip first,” I say, fluttering my eyes at him for practice. I’m not exceptional at flirting, at least I don’t think I am. There’s no harm in practicing, especially if this thing with Rowan is temporary, which I’m starting to think it is.
I pull my coverup over my head and toss it on one of the towels Cami stole from the swim club. I take my friend’s hand as we tiptoe our way through the rough desert sand until our feet hit the cool water.
“How can it be so damn hot in this state yet this shit is still freezing-ass cold?” My friend inches her way deeper, stopping when her foot is covered up to her ankle.
“You’re never going to get in at that rate. You’ve gotta just go for it,” I say, pulling the clip from my hair and tossing it toward my towel on the shore. I rush into the water with my next breath, skimming across the water in a manic breaststroke as my breath is taken away from the instant chill.
“Wooo!” My lips pucker as I pant and fight to get a full breath. It gets easier the harder my legs work to tread water, though, and within a minute I’m able to dunk my head under and float on my back.
I’m almost relaxed for the first time since graduation, my muscles giving way to the slap of the current, when a wave of water instantly crushes my peace. I know it can’t be Cami. She always takes a full twenty minutes to get to waist level, so I dip my head back for a dunk, then twist to face the cannonball intruders.
“Hey, gorgeous,” Caleb says, his hair slicked back and his smile all toothy and proud.
“Great,” I mutter.
And there goes any hope for fun today.
I glance to Cami, wishing she would suck it up and swim to me just this once. Knowing she won’t, though, I start to paddle my way back to the shore, so at least I’m not outnumbered by Caleb, Cami’s ex, Warren, and two of their other friends.
“Come on. Don’t be like that. Just cuz we’re not together doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.” Caleb splashes me, and I don’t know what world he thinks I would enjoy it, but it’s not this one.
I look toward the shore and notice Neveah, his new fling, stretching out on towels with a few of her friends. She’s quick to undo the back of her bikini to avoid tan lines. I’m sure she’s planning ways to accidentally forget and stand up to flash everyone a nice view of her expensive tits.
“Hmmm, you have enough friends here,” I say over my shoulder. His gaze moves from me to Neveah as he laughs.
“Come on. You can’t be jealous. You have no right, Saylor. I mean, you’re fucking my brother.”
His crass callout halts me in the water, and thankfully, I’ve made it to a place where my feet reach the ground. I turn, careful to steady my feet on solid rocks rather than slick or jagged ones. I manage to keep my mouth shut, but I glare at him with a silent warning. I would never want to betray Rowan, but Caleb is pushing me to let him know exactly what his brother has toldme about him. He’s not such a golden child. In fact, I’ve come to believe he’s rather rotten.
“Are you saying you’re not?” His long arms sweep along the water as he treads in place, his eyes dimmed with resentment. A low laugh rumbles from his throat. “You’re not denying it.”
I fight the itch to engage with him, but I can’t let him off the hook so easily, so rather than answering him outright, I simply let my expression morph into a devious smirk. I feel the ache in my guilty face, the way my cheeks are pushing up. I won’t blush in front of him though. I’m not ashamed, and he’s not worth bringing blood to the surface of my skin.
“Fuck!” Caleb splashes water toward the calm water behind him.
