Page 84 of The Trust We Broke
And somehow, now that my immediate reactions to the information have settled, it’s the thing that speaks the loudest. That she did what she did to save me from that fate.
“Or is that because you’re thinking with your junk?”
I shake my head at the ridiculous question.
None of this is to do with sex.
I take a deep breath. And another.
I know my mom will want me to do whatever makes me happy. She really loved Lucy, and it was hard for her to reconcile what Lucy did.
Dad might have an issue with it. He saw how much Lucy deserting me destroyed me.
I walked around like a zombie for weeks, trying to figure out what the hell went wrong. And beyond her being embarrassed about being married to a jailbird, or fearing me, I couldn’t think of any reason she might leave me.
But the truth is, I was never out of control once in my life until someone put their hands on my wife. And there wasn’t anything anyone could do to stop me from burning the ground down for her.
There’s a crunch of footsteps in the snow, and I glance in the direction of the trail.
It’s rare I ever see anyone else out here, but not unusual.
But into the clearing comes Lucy. She’s bundled up in a thick puffy coat that goes down to her knees. She’s changed into jeans and hiking boots, and it’s the version of Lucy I always loved the best. On her head is a cute silver-gray hat with a white pompom.
“I saw your truck at the start of the trail,” she says, walking toward me.
“I thought you were waiting for me at my place.” Unoriginal, I know. But I’m still feeling a little unsteady in my emotions.
She nods and comes to sit next to me on the tree trunk, so close that our shoulders brush up against each other. It’s tempting to throw my arm over her shoulder and hug her close.
She always did feel the cold easily. I remember the first time we went camping. I brought two roll-ups and two sleeping bags, but she was so cold, she ended up messily climbing into mine and falling asleep while lying directly on top of me.
I wrapped my arms around her until she stopped shivering.
In hindsight, it was probably the most uncomfortable position, but was still one of the best nights of my life.
I guess they all were, with Lucy. Her words from earlier today come back to me and remind me I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.
I loved you with my whole fucking heart. And you hurt someone who hurt me because you loved me just as much. And I couldn’t bear to see you lose a moment more of your life because of that. Divorcing you hurt me as much as it hurt you because you were the only man I ever loved with every fiber of my being. You don’t think that crushed me too?
I place my hand on my thigh, palm upturned, and look from it to Lucy. She bites down on her lower lip, for a second, then pulls her hand out of her coat pocket and places it in mine.
When she does, I squeeze it gently. It’s warm and soft.
Lucy tips her head until it rests on my shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
Something settles in my chest as the snow starts to gently fall around us.
“Me too, Bug.”
Moments like this are rare in life. Here, on this tree trunk, everything is perfect. We’re here. Together. How we were fated to be.
But it’s a bubble. As soon as we stand…heck, as soon as either one of us says another word, it’ll determine the path we’re on.
Sitting here, though. I get the best of all worlds. Lucy by my side, without having to make a single decision about what that means.
She shivers and I can’t help the smile that forms.
I put my hands around her waist and drag her onto my lap. She wraps her arms up against her chest and snuggles in against me.
