Page 78 of Bonus Daddy
“If we went any further only to part ways when my request is granted, it would break me.” She sighed. “I worked so hard to rebuild myself after my divorce, to forge a stronger version of the woman I used to be. I can’t lose that, and I won’t let my kids suffer either.”
I kissed her forehead, eyes closed, wishing things could be different but knowing she was right.
“And you’re a risk, Brian. A kind, smart, sexy risk. But still a risk. And I’ve got to stay focused. Deal with the legal stuff and start over in Vermont.”
“I understand,” I whispered into her hair. “And not because I don’t want more with you. I want it more than you could ever imagine. But I respect that you’re rebuilding your life for your children. I would never get in the way of that.”
Her head was tilted down again, her shoulders shaking, and suddenly, my chest was damp. Fuck. She was crying.
I wrapped both arms around her and held her close, helpless, wishing I could fix everything for her.
I cleared the emotion from my throat. “You’ve made a wonderful life for your girls.”
“Hardly,” she scoffed.
“Bullshit,” I said. “Do I need to spell it out for you?”
“Actually.” She sat up, inspecting my face like she was looking for a lie. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” Sighing, I took her hands. “First of all, you love so fully. You love with your entire being. Your words, your facial expressions, your touch. Even on dark days, those kids feel your love in every nook and cranny of their lives.”
Her eyes misted over again. “Wow.”
“The way you speak to them and about them is so effervescent. It fills everyone around you with joy. You’ve created a magical life for those girls. You work hard to make every day feel special with all your traditions.”
“Thank you.” The tears were flowing now, but I wasn’t finished.
Maybe I couldn’t keep her, but she wasn’t leaving this hotel room without understanding what a remarkable human she was.
“The way you make room for their individual personalities and all their activities and passions is admirable. You taught yourself piano just so you could understand what Kit was talking about.”
“YouTube taught me.” She let out a watery laugh. “And just the basics.”
“Take the damn credit, Jess.” I squeezed her hand. “Those kids hit the mom jackpot. Everyone who knows you has. You brighten the day of everyone you meet. I’m proud to be your lawyer and your friend. And if that’s all I get, I’m still the luckiest guy in the world.”
She took a shaky breath and let it out slowly. “Thank you.” As she wiped at her eyes, she stood, putting distance between us.
I wanted to grab her and never let go. But I wouldn’t do that to her. I wouldn’t confuse her or ask her to give up a single thing for me.
“What time are we heading back to Jersey? I need to shower.”
I leaned across the bed and snagged my phone so I could check the time. “We have a couple of hours. I’m going to hit the gym and get some coffee.”
With a nod, she shuffled toward the bathroom. At the open door, she turned, her lips tugged down. “My younger self is screaming at me right now for not taking a shot with the best guy I’ve ever known. But I’m a forty-one-year-old mom, barely hanging on by a thread. I can’t take the risk.”
My chest constricted so forcefully it took effort not to double over. “I understand.”
Nodding, she disappeared. But before she shut the door, she said, “I don’t think I’ll ever set foot in this city without having hot-sex flashbacks.”
When the door was closed and the water was running, I threw myself back on the bed and covered my face.
We wanted each other, but our situation was impossible. History was repeating itself. And now I was old enough to understand what I’d lose by letting her walk away.
But at least we’d always have Boston.
Chapter 28
Jess
