Page 115 of Bonus Daddy
He looked up from his computer, his eyes widening. “Jess?”
“Hi.” I waved awkwardly. “You busy?”
“Never too busy for you.”
My heart skipped a beat. God, why was he so perfect?
“I’m just getting all the Phillips stuff together.”
Only then did it hit me that he’d probably lost a friend in the last forty-eight hours, and I hadn’t even checked on him.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat and stepped into his office. “Did he pass?”
Brian nodded, lowering his face a fraction. “Yesterday. Funeral is Monday. I want to make sure things go smoothly with the estate.”
Of course he did. Because he was endlessly devoted to his people.
He stood, running a hand through his messy hair, his eyes red rimmed and his beard a little unruly.
I wanted to jump into his arms and never let go. But I’d been the one to pull back. I’d been the one to freak out. So I had to be the one to apologize.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted. “With everything going on, I panicked and needed some time to process.” My voice wavered. “I didn’t mean to push you away.”
He walked around the desk and pulled me into his arms. “It’s okay to need space.”
“No,” I argued into his chest. “I was shitty to you, and you’ve only ever been amazing to me. Sloane is pissed at me.”
Arching back, he smirked and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “She’s overprotective of me, and I may have been a bit grumpy the past two days.”
“Grumpy?” I asked with mock surprise. “You?”
He shook his head and perched on his desk, looking me over from head to toe. “But I do want to talk to you.” Eyes locked on mine, he exhaled slowly. “If I made you feel pressured, I’m sorry. I can move slower, and I’m sorry I upset you.”
“You didn’t upset me,” I said, stepping between his knees. “I’m upset with myself. Things have changed so quickly, and I’mstruggling to keep up. I really thought that I’d healed from Kenneth, but I have more work to do.”
“We’re both works in progress,” he said, angling forward to kiss me gently.
Instinctively, I closed my eyes and clutched his shirt. His kiss soothed me, healed me, left me wanting more.
“I want to stand by your side through the triumphs and the challenges,” he urged. “I want to support you in any way you want. But I’ve got to know what’s going on. Please let me in.”
I laid my head against his chest, gathering the courage to unload all the ridiculous thoughts in my head.
“I’m so torn,” I started. “I want everything. I want my kids to run barefoot around the farm, and I want Kit to go to music school. I want movie nights with my Jersey family and a job that I enjoy. I want you, so much, but at the same time, I can’t lose the version of myself I’ve fought so hard to become. It’s selfish. I’m selfish. I probably sound like a spoiled brat.”
He wiped away my tears with the pads of his thumbs. “You don’t sound like a brat. It’s okay to want things, Jess. There are a lot of things I want too.”
I sniffled, and he gave me a smile.
“I want it all with you too. You and the girls and my friends and my clients. For me, it’s all interconnected.” He swallowed audibly. “Cliff was family. Some of my clients are. I deal with extremely personal, sensitive matters for them, so lines get blurred. And while you and the girls and the rest of our Jersey family will always be top priority, my work also matters to me. I want to do it all too.”
He huffed out a weighted breath, and his eyes welled.
“Cliff was my friend,” he said. A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by another, until he was crying in earnest. “I cared about him. I’ve known him and his family since Terry hired me straight out of law school. And he trusted me with his legacy and his business. That’s a big deal. It’s a responsibility I take seriously. But I’ve realized that I’m so much more than my job.
“I’m sorry Kenneth was such a shitty husband and father.” He wiped at his cheeks. “I’m sorry he chose his job and money over you girls. But that was his choice. It has nothing to do with who you are.”
I was sobbing now. How did this man see all my deepest wounds and still want me?
