Page 113 of Bonus Daddy
“No. You didn’t. You were with your dying friend.” She splayed a hand over her chest. “I’m the problem. You got held up, and I spiraled. It all came back. All the Kenneth shit, all the feelings of being worthless and overlooked.”
I wiped a tear from her cheek with my thumb. “I’m so sorry. But being triggered like that is natural. This is new territory for both of us. But I want to work through it with you.”
“You do?” She sniffled. “Because this is the real me. I’m not some sunflower-in-human-form dream girl. I’m moody and have stretch marks, and sometimes my insecurities get the best of me.”
I pulled her close and kissed her head. “You are my dream girl, and I love all those things about you. I’ve spent two decades in a fog,going through the motions. Doing what was expected of me and never stopping to think about what I wanted.”
“What do you want?”
That was easy. “You. I want partnership and adventure. I want to wake up next to you every morning. I want to watch Kit and Greta grow up.”
With my hands on her cheeks, I kissed her on the mouth. Her lips were salty with tears, but they tugged up in the tiniest of smiles.
“I want Munchkin Mondays and dance party Wednesdays. I want to make magic in the mundane moments of our lives together.”
She sucked in a breath, her chest stuttering. “I want that too.”
“Good.”
“But I just need a minute.”
Ice flooded my veins. What did that mean?
“I’ve got a lot to process,” she whispered. “If Kit gets in, I have to find a way to pay tuition. And I’ll have to break it to my family that we aren’t moving to Vermont. I need to think about what our lives are gonna look like if that happens. If it doesn’t, I’ll have a devastated girl who’s gonna need all my attention.”
I nodded, willing myself to remain calm. “I want to be a part of your lives. I don’t care where that is.”
I’d move to Vermont in a heartbeat. I’d trade in my Tom Ford for LL Bean and learn how to tap a tree.
She didn’t seem to get it. I was all-in.
But before I could verbalize that, she was opening the door and climbing out.
“I just need a few days,” she said with a soft smile. “I’ll call you.”
Without turning back, she went inside, leaving me confused and heartsick at the same time.
Chapter 42
Jess
Iwas a mess. A certified messy mess. A snotty-nosed, red-faced, dirty-haired mess. I’d been avoiding everyone but my girls and all my responsibilities as I went round and round in circles, obsessing over what to do.
Kit spoke of nothing but music school, and Greta was cranky because we hadn’t been over to see Murphy and T.J. But I just needed some space to sort myself out.
I loved Brian. I was madly in love with him.
And I was so mad about it.
For years, I’d worked to become a strong, independent woman. Not a lovesick teenager. And I had my kids to think about. Bringing someone into their lives was a big deal.
Then there was Vermont. With every day that passed, that dream grew more distant.
I’d take the weekend to get my shit together. That’s what I told myself.
My girls had other ideas.
“Mom, we want to go over to play with T.J. and Murphy,” Kit said from the doorway to my bedroom.
