Page 20 of Bonus Daddy
“Yes,” I said, bringing myself back to the moment. “It’s delicious.”
We sat there, sort of staring at one another, the air between us growing just a tad bit awkward. Though it wasn’t uncomfortable.
Sipping from my mug, I took the opportunity to admire Brian’s suit. This one was dark gray with a faint pinstripe. His black tie was thin, and the crisp white shirt accentuated his tanned, freckled skin and his beard.
His auburn facial hair was threaded with just a hint of silver, which only made him look more serious and distinguished.
Ostensibly we were here for my legal case. But I couldn’t stop my mind from wandering. Was he single? He didn’t wear a ring.
A quick scan of his desk revealed no family photos.
Not that I’d have a snowball’s chance in hell. Brian surely dated worldly, sophisticated women with impressive careers and long legs. They probably went to the opera and talked about their favorite caviar.
For most of my life, I’d been pretty confident and comfortable in my own skin. Like all humans, I had my flaws, but I was a good person and took care of myself and others. But since relatively early on in my marriage, I’d felt less and less like the confident, sunny woman who had dated Brian all those years ago.
I was a hot mess single mom now. With wide hips, ex-husband drama, and no time to myself. What I had to offer wasn’t exactly enticing.
I looked down at the mug I was holding. It was navy blue, with the scales of justice etched into the ceramic, along with World’s Okayest Lawyer.
“Cal gave it to me when I became a named partner in the firm,” he explained.
Dragging my focus away from it, I smiled. “I think you’re a lot better than okay.”
Two pink patches appeared on his cheeks above his beard as he smoothed down his tie and cleared his throat. “We should get to work.”
If I’d had a choice in how to spend this time with Brian, I wouldn’t have picked reliving all my past choices and the absolute hell that was my divorce.
But he put me at ease immediately. He was so smart, asking insightful questions, his expression and tone genuine, like he actually cared.
I found myself getting emotional. The guilt that pervaded every single day of my life reared up and made its way to the forefront of my mind.
Each morning when I woke, it was there, an almost physical entity. I could practically see the depression it made on the pillow beside mine. It was my constant companion, accompanying me through all life’s moments and dragging me down when I approached any sort of victory.
Guilt that I hadn’t been enough for Kenneth. That I couldn’t make my marriage work.
Guilt that my kids came from a broken family.
Guilt that I could not provide for them the way I wanted to.
“You okay?”
I nodded, sniffling slightly.
He leaned in closer. “Tell me how I can help.” It wasn’t a statement. It was a command.
“I’m just overwhelmed,” I admitted. “I like my work at the hospital, but I don’t get home until at least six. The girls have after-school activities some days, but on the days they don’t, it’s a struggle to find care for them. They can’t be home alone. Greta would burn the building down and Kit would be too busy playing her keyboard to notice. I’ve tried babysitters. Both quit after the first day.”
Brian gently pushed a box of tissues across the desk.
I took one. I had no idea why I was spilling my guts like this, but now that I’d started, I couldn’t stop. “And the endless juggling of it all.” I blew my nose. God, I was pathetic. “Sorry. I don’t mean to dump on you.”
He stared at me, those intense dark eyes wide with understanding. The man was gorgeous; why did he have to be easy to talk to as well? I felt like a blubbering mess.
Standing abruptly, he offered me his hand. “Let’s go upstairs for a minute.”
When we stepped into the apartment, Sloane, who was on the floor doing tummy time with Tia on a playmat, gave me a big smile and a thumbs-up.
“The girls can come here,” Brian said as he shuffled toward Sloane.
