Page 110 of Bonus Daddy
With a smile, I pulled her in close, and as I tucked her beneath my chin, I closed my eyes and inhaled. God, this age was so hard. Some days she was a tiny adult, and on others she was my sweet chubby baby again.
“I love you,” I said into her hair. “And I’m so proud of you.” I held her tighter, savoring this moment and sending a silent prayer to the universe that today would go well.
My phone buzzed on the counter, breaking the silence, and as Kit stepped away to find Greta, I held it up and found a message from Brian.
Brian:Work emergency. I’ll meet you in the city.
Annoyance flashed through me.Work emergency? What could be more important than Kit’s audition?
I closed my eyes. The apprehension and concern that had been gnawing at my stomach had now been joined by a familiar pang of disappointment. Kenneth had done this all the time. He’d promise he’d show up, tell me it was on his calendar and everything, and then bail at the last minute.
Because work had always been more important.
I forced myself to breathe. Brian wasn’t Kenneth. And we still hadn’t officially defined what we were doing. He wasn’t Kit’s dad. He didn’t owe us anything.
By the time I reminded myself of that, it was too late. The doubts had started to pile up. Had I jumped in too quickly? Was I falling back into old patterns? Being too positive, too sunny? Had I not been cautious enough? Had I set my children up for heartbreak?
Groaning, I tossed my phone into my purse, then focused on getting out the door. I’d deal with these concerns later. I couldn’t let my baggage muck up Kit’s special day. Lately, compartmentalization had become difficult, but I slapped a smile on my face and tossed a handful of snacks into my purse.
As the girls and I headed to the train, my gut churned, but I forced myself to smile and stay positive.
My confusion about Brian only amplified the sick feeling. Had I been so lust-drunk that I’d failed to see the bigger picture? Had I let my guard down and exposed my kids to more pain?
My mind continued to spin as we walked from the train to the school.
What had I been thinking? Brian had been honest about being a workaholic. In the last few months, I’d often found him in the office when I stopped by to get the girls, and sometimes, when he walked us out, he headed right back in to get more work done.
My mother had always said, “When people show you who they really are, listen.”
And here I was, disappointed and overwhelmed, with no one but myself to blame. It wasn’t his fault. This was who he was. I’d been the one wearing rose-colored glasses.
But for now, I had to put that out of my mind and focus on Kit.
This was her big day. My only job was to make sure she felt supported and loved no matter the outcome.
We stood outside the impressive brick building, all three of us taking it in. It was almost as wide as the block, with corbeled cornices and arches around the massive windows. It was beautiful.
Beside me, Kit suddenly radiated excitement rather than anxiety. This was her place. I could feel it. And I thought she could too.
I squeezed her hand, and she looked up at me with a smile.
“I can do this,” she said as we walked toward the entrance.
“I know you can.”
Chapter 41
Brian
Despite having a resident parking pass, finding a spot had been hell. I’d raced into the city after meeting Cliff, crying and thinking and spiraling the whole way. I hadn’t realized how much time had passed until I finally pulled into a spot and checked my phone.
Shit. I’d missed my window to meet up with them.
I slumped in the driver’s seat and squeezed my eyes shut, willing my thoughts to settle. I wanted to be there for Jess and Kit, but I couldn’t risk interrupting. So I’d sit here and wait, sending all the good vibes and positive thoughts I could into that impressive brick building.
The school was gorgeous. And walkable from my brownstone. I didn’t want to put pressure on Jess, but it seemed perfect.
Could I do it? Be the partner she deserved and a positive role model to her kids?
