Page 103 of Bonus Daddy
“I was worried you’d gone home to Jersey,” he said into my hair.
I shook my head. “I like it up here.”
He made a low humming sound. “I knew you would.” Gently, he set me on my feet. “Why’d you disappear?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” I admitted.
“Come back to bed.” He cupped my cheek and ducked closer, and the kindness in his eyes nearly broke me.
Before I could get myself under control, I was crying. “I feel like I can’t get it right. No matter how hard I try or how hard I work, I’m fucking something up.”
“Jess,” he soothed, caressing my cheek with his thumb. “You can’t believe that. You are an incredible mother.”
“I push them to be individuals, to follow their dreams and be authentic. But now Kit can’t audition for PPAS and Greta can’t try out for the club soccer team.”
“There will be other opportunities in Vermont,” he reminded me.
My heart thudded. “I know, but not these opportunities. And my job. I love my job. The hours are good and I get to help people. It took me years to finish my degree and finally get on staff. And I love Lana’s studio and my regular students.”
He pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair. “Okay.”
“I want all the things at once. I’m a selfish bitch who can’t make up her mind. I want you and all my friends here. But I also want music school for Kit. And I want the farm and my siblings.”
I hiccupped, burying my face in his shirt. I couldn’t stop the tears.
“This is embarrassing,” I said when I caught my breath. “I’m having an adult tantrum.”
Brian laughed. “It’s the cutest tantrum I’ve ever seen.” He tilted my face up so I was forced to look at him. “It’s okay to be overwhelmed. It’s okay to be confused. I’m here for you. I’ll listen, I’ll snuggle, and I’ll help you figure it out. But it’s four a.m. Let’s get some sleep. I promise we’ll work it out in the morning.”
“Stop it.” I swatted at his chest. “You’re being too nice.”
He gently wiped the tears from my cheeks. “No. I love you, and I’m in this for the long haul. We’ve got work to do, problems to solve, and plans to make, but I’m not afraid of any of it, as long as I’ve got you by my side.”
“Stop being so perfect and sexy, and stop saying all the right things,” I whined, throwing my head back. “Because now I’m wide awake, and all I want is to lick every inch of your naked body and forget all my problems.”
Eyes flashing, he herded me toward the staircase. “Excellent plan.”
Chapter 38
Jess
As I walked down the street, an unfamiliar pep in my step, I marveled at how colorful and fun it was. For so long, I’d viewed Jersey City as a sad prison, a place where I’d gone because I had no place else to go. But I was realizing more and more that I had vastly undersold this place.
I approached the deli, my steps slowing. I could use a cinnamon raisin bagel. When I came back out, I was loaded down with a dozen to take back to Brian’s office, knowing the kids would devour them as an afternoon snack. And given’s Brian’s habit of working through lunch so he could finish early and spend time with me and the girls, he was probably starving.
Kit and Greta had spent the day with Sloane, who had found homemade slime recipes online for the kids.I wasn’t sure how she balanced the patient mom part of her with the badass lawyer part. She seemed to have figured it out. How to be a whole person while raising kids. Not to mention her clearly hot and heavy relationship with Sully. She was technically younger than me, but she seemed to have solved the puzzle that had eluded me for so long.
I was already a hot mess with multiple jobs, two kids, and a lot of confusion surrounding my potential upcoming move. Then I’d thrown Brian into the mix.
Despite the mess my life had become, I couldn’t help but smile. We were having fun. Brian and I talked or texted constantly, sharing funny stories and revealing more and more about ourselves. And every day I fell more in love with this man.
The office was busy. Cal had on his orange suit, and Lo was frantically sorting through a massive pile of documents while Amy looked on, thoroughly confused.
“The exhibits have to be in order, Amy,” Lo said through gritted teeth. “They each have a lettered tab. G does not come before D in the alphabet.”
“Bagels?” I interjected with a smile.
Lo gave me a smile. “Got any gluten-free? I’m crabby and could use a treat.”
