Page 140 of Second Sets Omnibus
The longer she stares, waiting for us to acknowledge her, I swear fucking sweat breaks out across my flesh. Instinctively, I reach for the package of antacids in my pocket and toss one inmy mouth, discreetly chewing the chalky substance to settle the nausea swarming in my gut.
The more I look at her, the more I see the ghosts of what I left behind.
Flashes of our intertwined past roar through my mind, leading to the worst decision I’ve ever made. Her name sits in the back of my mind, chanting like a prayer, patiently waiting for me to acknowledge the peak of our downfall. The person who cleverly built us up and helped us to succeed by granting us the golden ticket, only for us to turn our backs on her and leave her in the dust like she never meant a damn thing to us all. And that’s the core of it all. I was young, stupid, and demented enough to think I could erase her from our lives without repercussions. But if there’s anything I know about karma, she always comes back to bite you in the ass and take back what you put out into the world.
“How about we get started?” River hums with more confidence, not bothering to look up at us again.
“What-what are you doing here?” I swear I utter it without permission. “Why are you here?” I mumble again, trying to shake the specter from my vision.
“So nice of you to ask, Mr. Montgomery,” she says in a polite yet professional tone.
The mere mention of my name sends shivers down my spine and goosebumps down my legs. Fuck. No, she can’t affect me like this again. I can’t let River work her way under my skin as she did before. I resisted so well back then, but with my guilt currently eating me alive, I don’t think I can ignore the call she gives out.
“I’m working.” Shrugging, she spreads massive amounts of paperwork out on the table. Her eyes look through the pages, humming under her breath until she comes to one that shocks her into silence.
Kieran says something snarky. Rad retorts. The entire room moves on without my conscious mind present. The only thing I can focus on is the past, instead of the present or future—where my mind should stay firmly planted. She mentions numbers, and I respond, staring at the dismal view of our existence at West Records. We’re fucked. Kieran keeps babbling on, but I tune out his shitty attitude. The only reason he acts this way is because I’m a fucking tool and made him think she betrayed us.
Since then, I’ve lost touch with him. Hell—even myself. We aren’t the same people we were rocking out in Callum’s basement with stars in our eyes. We’ve changed. And we’ve ripped apart at the seams. I locked myself into music, focusing on the words and melodies. I tore myself away from the guys, promising myself I’d come clean. But I never did. In turn, they’ve collected their own vices, leading them away from the once tight-knit, brotherly bond we had.
My fingers white-knuckle around the armrests, hoping to choke the mirage standing before me from my vision. I blink hard, wishing her away. Many times before, my guilt chased me down with a vengeance. From the woman standing in the crowd of our performance to another walking down the sidewalk—she haunted every waking moment of my life, reminding me of the bullshit I pulled.
River tilts her head, looking us over with such confidence my heart aches in my chest. I swear someone utters a question of what she’s doing here, and why the fuck is she standing in West Records, but I don’t hear it. I hear nothing but the past calling back to me, forcing me to recall the bullshit I put her and my brothers through.
It’s the one thing that keeps me staring at the ceiling night after night, until my eyes are bloodshot and burning. It’s the rumbling in my stomach when I can’t keep the acid from burning me from within. It’s the itchy skin, pulling taut overmy bones, and the patches of eczema reddening my damn flesh. An itch I can’t fucking scratch because my guilt manifests in unpredictable ways.
It’s consuming me whole. Before I know it, I’ll be nothing but hollow bones wandering this earth.
Fuck. My gut churns, praying the constant loop of my nightmare rolling around in my brain will leave me for good. Sometimes I wonder if this is how Callum feels, reliving everything in vivid detail with his photographic memory. Sinking further into the darkness of my wicked mind, the memories of the only girl I’ve thought about since the moment I put my stupid-as-hell plan into motion comes back to haunt me, seizing the breath in my lungs.
“She’s been cheating on us,” I growl, tossing down my phone as the video on my screen plays at full volume, filling the room with her illicit hook-up with Donavan Drake, the thorn in our side—but my secret ally.
The lie rests like sour milk on my tongue, begging me to break free and tell the truth. I suck in a breath. Am I doing the right thing for us? Am I doing the right thing for River? Would she be better off without us? Probably. We’ll do nothing but drag her down into our brand of fucked up bullshit if we stay. But this? Is this too much? Taking it too fucking far?
Quickly, I avert my eyes at the image of River climbing on Van’s lap and his low voice murmuring dirty words. Or it would be dirty words. God, he fucking sucks at everything he does. I fucking hate his face. My only hope is we never have to see his stupid ass again. From here on out, River is only his and… My eyes squeeze shut as Callum cries out in anguish. My heart fucking breaks as they grasp what I’ve laid down in front of them.
“No-no!” Callum sobs out, jumping to his shaky feet, nearly falling over. Fat tears well in his eyes, and he shakes his head,gripping the ends of his hair tightly in his fist. “That-that can’t be true! That can’t be her,” he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. “That…” he trails off, covering his mouth with his fist, trying to hold back the rampant emotions surging inside of him.
“I’ve tried to tell you. Something was off,” I say, running a hand down my face like I’m exasperated with the entire situation. “That’s why we needed to stay away.” I swallow the lie over and over. If I do, maybe they’ll plant themselves inside my brain and sprout like it’s the truth. Then, I might believe the words coming from my mouth.
“No,” Callum says with conviction, shaking his head. “That can’t be true. She’d never do that to me…or us,” he whispers, letting the tears fall down his pale cheeks. Callum shoves past me, bumping my shoulder angrily with his, pacing near the front door of the home we’ve all made our own. I squeeze my eyes shut and grab my phone, mentally fighting with myself on the rights and wrongs of this entire scene.
I have to do this. We have to go to the Battle of the Bands without her. If she comes, they’ll never get over her and move on with their dreams. If she can’t go, then we’ll never have the opportunity to leave this town. We’ll live in this hellhole for the rest of our lives, wondering what our future would have been like if we had gone to California. And I can’t let that happen to them. This is all for their own fucking good. In five years, they’ll thank me for the sacrifice I made for them.
With my mental pep talk fizzling out into reason, I turn my back on my friends, as I’ve already done. I type out a single message to my stupid fucking ally and hit send. There’s no going back now. Even as an elephant sits on my chest and compresses my breaths. Sweat forms on my brow when I return to the anger-filled conversation happening around me.
Me
Go.
He doesn’t utter a word back, but I know he’s seen it and is all too eager to get to the girl he’s obsessively had his eyes on like a fucking stalker. Heavy iron sits in the pits of my stomach as I continue to tune out the mess I’ve created. My brows furrow as it all smacks me in the face at once. Van is a fucking stalker. We’ve had to fight him off her in more ways than one. And yet, I’ve fed the lamb to the mighty lion. Just like that. Gloria’s words about talking to him come back to mind. How the hell did she know what kind of videos he had? Burning bile singes up my esophagus, begging to expel through my tightly held lips.
What the fuck have I done? I’m doing what’s right. Shut the fuck up, mind! I’m putting this whole thing into motion. Fuck the consequences. Fuck everything else! We need this. This is our time to shine, and we can’t let some Central City girl hold us back any longer.
“Where are you going?” Rad rasps, interrupting the guilty thoughts rushing through my mind and dragging me back to the conversation at hand. Holding back his emotions as he stands, Rad blankly stares, giving nothing away.
“To see for myself,” Callum growls, clenching his fists. “You can’t just believe some video. He could…could be fucking her over. Again.” With those parting words, Callum shoves out the front door with a bang. The rumble of his car fills the air, followed by screeching tires, and then he’s gone.
It’s not him fucking her over—it’s me. I’m the one doing this to us. But it’s for the damn best. It’s for the damn best! My chest heaves.
