Page 21 of Rage & Paradise
She turns her gaze to me. “Is it really that hard for you to believe that I don’t naturally like the limelight?”
“Yeah, that’s really hard for me to believe. Besides, doesn’t the limelight come with the territory of looking like that?”
Her face falls. She glances down at her outfit before crossing her arms over her chest as if she’s trying to cover up.
“I told Coca this wasn’t a good choice for me.”
“What? Why not?”
She rolls her eyes as if I’m asking her something that’s obvious. I look her over again, trying to figure out what I’m missing. I don’t see anything.
“Oro, if you’re just trying to find another way to humiliate me, just stop. I’m already humiliated enough having to parade around in something like this.”
Now I’m really confused. This is the same woman who just the day before had stripped with so much confidence it would have made anyone believe that naked was her most comfortable state. “Why would you having to wear a bathing suit be the reason to be humiliated?”
“Because… it’s one thing when a crowd knows what they are getting. When they are expecting a strip tease or whatever. I use what I have to the best of my abilities. Here, at the beach, people didn’t sign up to look at someone like me.”
“Someone like you…?”
“A pig, uggo, slob, aesthetically unpleasing… whatever you want to call it.” She stares at me, waiting for me to respond, but all I can do is blink at her.
I can’t comprehend what she’s saying. I speak two different languages and I’m sure none of what she’s just said translates.
“Pig? Uggo? Are you really trying to get me to believe that you see yourself as ugly?” My eyebrows jump up to nearly my hairline.
“Oro… I know I’m not pretty. I’ve never been pretty. I just have all the parts most men want to see on one body. I’m what most people refer to as a double bagger.” She laughs at herself, but that only infuriates me more. I stare at her for a second and wait for the joke or the psych to fall from her mouth, but it doesn’t come. She really believes that shit.
“You’re out of your fucking mind. You think all these men are falling over themselves to get to you because you only have the right parts? You’re an absolute knockout, Starlight. Gorgeous inways I didn’t think were possible. That’s true for now and for the past. I don’t know when or how you got it in your mind that you were ugly, but that shit isn’t a good look on you.”
She opens her mouth once, closes it, then opens it again before words come out. “You think I’m pretty?”
“No, I don’t think you’re pretty. I think you’re every one of my fucking wet dreams come to life. I think your type of beauty is why people used to start all the damn wars. I think you’re everything any man on this beach or on this island would dream of waking up next to. I don’t think you’re just pretty. I think you’re a fucking visionary miracle.”
She pants and leans forward slightly as if she’s about to swoon, but catches herself just in time.
“Santiago… Dios mío, it sounds like you’ve had a long time to think about that.” Her eyes are glued on mine and I can see the sparks of desire.
This is a good development.
Now I know it’s not just me who has had these unconventional thoughts. If I were to kiss her right now, she’d gladly accept it. The idea sets off a series of conflicts inside of me.
I want to know what her lips taste like. I want to own and destroy every part of her. I want to be her everything, so when I send her on her merry way she would truly know what it felt like to lose everything.
But on the opposite side of all that intense desire and lust is the ever-growing disgust from just being in her presence.
“You’re right. I spent way too many nights in my younger years lusting and fantasizing about you, but I’ve spent double the amount of nights hating the very air you breathe. I can want to fuck you and still wish you’d die a horrible death only suitable for sniveling little cunts like you.”
She snaps back as if I’d just physically hit her.
I’m not that much of an asshole, but I know I’m not far away from it. Just to make sure I don’t cross that line, I turn on my heel and walk away from her, leaving her standing in the sand staring at my back.
The event at the beach was a success. Not only did we make a few new friends from the States, but the community was able to see that the Royal Bastards were still very much active and staying around.
To top that off, Seda got an influx of new clients.
It’s nearly one in the morning and all I want to do is take myself to sleep, except I can’t.
I’m thinking about everything I said to Estrella on the beach. I meant every last word, from me wanting her to have a horrible death to the fact that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. All of it was coming from a place of intense emotion. I shouldn’t have said any of it, but I can’t take it back now.
