Page 39 of Rage & Paradise
“I’ve been obsessed with you forever, back before I even knew what it meant to be obsessed with someone. You’ve always been that one dream I could never reach. The one woman who could do shit to me no one else could. Even when I had no idea where you were or what you were doing. Even when I knew you were so much better than me, everyone was always compared to you. Now that I have you and I know what I know, I don’t want the dream. I don’t want what I thought you were or what you’ve been trained to act like. I want you to be real.”
She shakes her head, trying to go through the words that have just spilled out of my mouth.
“I am real. I’ve been real with you since the moment I walked in here and found out that you were here. I’ve been nothing but real with you.”
“Bullshit. You call that show you put on last night for me real? You think I’m going to believe that all I have to do is touch you and you could really break to pieces like that? That you could moan my name like that and it be real? It’s all a dream. It has to be. I don’t want that. I won’t fall for it.”
She opens her mouth as if she’s going to say something in return. Instead she just laughs.
Exactly what I thought she’d do. I’m nothing more than a joke to her. I’m a joke to fucking everyone.
“Get the hell out of here. I don’t have time for this shit.”
“No.” She composes herself.
“Estrella, I said go.”
“No. I said no, Santiago. Everyone here has made sure to make this one thing clear. I have a choice. So I’m taking that choice right now. I’m not going to leave. I’m saying no. You won’t force me to go. Not until you see.”
I don’t remember the last time I felt this fucking defeated. “See what, Starlight? What more can I possibly see?”
“The truth.” She whispers and gets closer to me. So close that I can feel her body pressed against mine.
She wants me to see the truth. I thought I already had.
“What’s the truth then?” I question, my tone deepening as she gets closer to me. I want to push her away, but at the same time all I want is to get closer. To make it so she can’t breathe without me touching her. To make her feel all the ways she makes me feel.
“The truth is it wasn’t a dream. You may be the only man who’s ever seen me for the real me. The one who saw what I was doing to be a show. Last night when we danced and you touched me, it was no act. That was real. All I need is for you to touch me and I’m ready to ignite. Can’t you feel this?” She raises my hand and presses it against her chest. “I can’t fake this. I’m good, but I’m not that good. I want you, Santi. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. If you want me the same way, all you have to do is take me. It’s my choice… finally, my choice. I’m choosing you.” She leans up on her toes, her mouth just a hair’s breadth away from mine.
I don’t know how we got here, but I’m not going to be questioning it.
I want her just as bad. The real her. I can see in those grass-green eyes that she’s being truthful with me. I can have her like this.
She’s mine.
EIGHTEEN
Oro
There’s no air in the room.
No sound.
No light.
There is only her. My Starlight.
In a rush of desire and need I’ve tried so hard to keep pushed down, I slam my lips to hers.
Teeth clashing and tongues fighting to get deeper in each other’s mouth.
My hands pull at her clothes. They are off before I even have a chance to realize what I’m doing.
“¿Estás segura?”
“Yes… God, yes.” She mutters before she shoves her hands under my shirt and pulls it up. I back up only slightly, letting her get it off me.
Before the fabric even has a chance to hit the floor, I’m lifting her up off the ground as she wraps her legs around my waist, and I’m rushing backward, pressing her body against the wall. She grinds her body against me, and it drives me wild.
