Page 63 of Played
She clasps her hands to her chest and flutters her eyelashes. “Oh, Mason. Are you saying you like me now? Like really, truly like me?”
I roll my eyes. “If I admit that I no longer think you’re a she-devil incarnate, can we get back to my problem?”
Her lips curve. “Of course, honey. I’m sorry. You were saying?”
Wow, she’s really good at knowing where to add light and shade to awkward conversations. “Am I being a pushover for this guy? Is he…” My emotions threaten to spill out into my words. I hate feeling like this—vulnerable and open. And I haven’t allowed myself to feel this way since… Well, ironically, since the last time King Blackthorn was in my life.
“Is he what, Mason?” Her tone is softer now, gentle even. And her brown eyes are full of concern as she waits for me to reply.
Anxiety and shame ball themselves into a thick knot in my throat, and I force myself to swallow past it so I can admit one of my deepest fears. I might be a man-whore with commitment issues, but I am always one hundred percent clear with everyone I have any kind of sexual encounter with. Never do I let anyone believe that I’m looking for anything more than casual fun. The idea of taking advantage of someone is abhorrent to me. “Is he just using me?”
“Oh, honey.” She rests her hand over mine on the desk. “You are smart, successful, and yes, far too handsome. But you’re funny and kind too. I can see why anyone would want to be in your orbit. And if you choose to forgive this man and let him back into your life in any meaningful way, then that would say a whole lot about the kind of man you are. If he throws that back in your face, it only speaks to the kind of man he is.”
“I…” I blow out a breath. “I don’t want to feel like that again, Amber. I promised myself I’d never let anyone make me feel that way again, least of all him. And now he…”
“Now it feels like he has all the power?”
I nod and let out a deep, exaggerated sigh. “Aren’t relationships supposed to be easy?”
That makes her laugh. “Oh, bless your heart. Who told you that?”
“TV? The movies? Gay porn?” I offer.
“I’ll let you in on a secret. The best relationships are the ones we have to fight for. The people who challenge us most are the ones who make us the best version of ourselves. Loving someone is easy, but staying with them through the ups and downs of life—that’s the tough part. But it’s also the part that knits your souls together.”
Her words resonate, but as usual when I feel something too deeply, I cover it with inappropriate humor. “Jeez. Have you been hanging out with Maddox?”
She rolls her eyes but isn’t fazed. “Can I tell you something about Elijah and me that I think might help?”
“Please do.” I could use anything to cling to right now.
“When we were separated and we were still sneaking around behind everyone’s backs, I used to worry that he had too much power and influence over me. Sometimes it felt like he held all the cards, you know? But I realized that simply wasn’t true. We can’t always choose who we fall in love with, but we can choose who we allow to let into our hearts. Only you can decide whether he gets to be a part of your life. That power is all yours. If he stomps all over that, or if it fails because of some other reason, it doesn’t mean you failed. And if it does fail, what have you lost? A little time? A little pride? A little piece of your heart? But god, wouldn’t it all be worth it for a few days, weeks, or years of the kind of happiness that lights you up from the inside?” She stops speaking, her cheeks flushed pink and her eyes sparkling, and it hits me: The ice queen has well and truly melted.
I honestly couldn’t be happier for her and Elijah. They found their way back to each other.
But King and me… Our history is a lot more complicated than theirs. Isn’t it?
“I know it’s hard to forget, even when we can forgive, but only you can decide whether he’s worth it, Mason.”
Fuck, I’m more conflicted than before. But Amber is right—all the good advice in the world isn’t going to help me. Only I can decide what to do next.
Not now, though. I’m too wrung out to think straight. Too overwhelmed with the gamut of emotion King evokes in me. Guilt. Anger. Shame. Happiness. Jealousy. Lust. And maybe that other L word I’m not going to say in full. You name it, he makes me feel it. I default to my usual setting—sarcasm. “So, in a nutshell you have absolutely no helpful advice for me?”
Amber doesn’t react, at least not the way I hoped. There’s no sharp-tongued, lightning-fast barb from her in response. Instead, her eyes soften, crinkling at the corners, and she pats my hand. “I know it’s hard, but what can I say? Personal growth is a bitch.”
“Fuck, you’re not wrong there.” I look up into her face once more. “Oh shit, does this mean I’m growing as a person?” I make a horrified face that has her giggling. And fuck me, but it makes me laugh too. And it’s exactly what I need.
We’re still laughing when Elijah follows the scent of Thai food into the room a minute later, a brown paper bag in his hand. “What’s all this?”
Ignoring my growling stomach, I stand and straighten my jacket. “I was asking your wife here for a little advice.”
His face is a picture of surprise, which he quickly hides behind his cool-as-a-fucking-cucumber CEO facade. “Well, she does give great advice.” He drops the bag on the table and a kiss on top of her head. “Anything I can help you with?”
“No, I think we got it covered. Thanks, bro. Enjoy your dinner.”
He glances between me and Amber, a huge smile on his face. It makes me sad that she and I spent so long at odds with each other when we could have been good friends. But things were a lot different then. For all of us. What matters is where we are now.
With that thought in my head, I head out of the building and grab a cab to King’s place.
