Page 51 of Playing With Fire
He scratches his chin before answering nonchalantly, “I volunteer there one weekend a month and a few weeknights. More if I don’t have anything else going on.”
With that new piece of information, I sit up straighter and start spewing questions, suddenly concerned for his physical safety. When I pause to take a breath, Hudson chuckles and patiently answers each one.
“Our fire station is unique. Most volunteers don’t doovernights, but our captain is pretty awesome. She recognized the bond we all formed, and she’s cool with the volunteers staying if we want. Otherwise, when we’re on call, we have to keep our phones on us and have to stay within fifteen miles of the station at all times. Our full-time guys are badass as hell—but if you ever meet my friend, Phoenix, please don’t tell him I said that—and they handle most of the shitshows easily without our help.” Hudson’s chuckle reverberates low in my stomach.
“I don’t like the thought of you running into burning buildings,” I admit.
“Yeah, most people don’t. Especially my sister, but she understands my need to feel like I make a difference. Transitioning from a military career to a civilian one can be really challenging, and I needed not only the thrill, but the sense that I matter, as well. The fire station gives me both.”
My smile stretches across my face. “I totally get that. It’s part of the reason I want to go back to work. I need to feel like I’m doing more than just taking up space.” Looking at my hands, I wonder out loud, “Maybe that’s why I’m here. I feel like I’m just taking up space at home.” The silicone ring at the base of my third finger catches my attention. I didn’t take it off before coming. I didn’t see the point. Me being married is no secret and I’d stupidly thought it would act as a barrier to taking things further. But staring at it now, I feel no more or less guilt than I did when I arrived.
“You’re unhappy and unfulfilled. You’re not the first person to step out on their marriage because of that,” Hudson says, always trying to make me feel better.
“A lot of people stand to get hurt with this choice, though.” I place my hand on his powerful, bare thigh as realization settles into my bones. “You included. If Gregor finds out and chooses to retaliate, he could burnyour world down.
“Why don’t you let me worry about that,” Hudson replies, placing a reassuring hand over mine.
“I don’t know how to say this so that it doesn’t come across as me being an absolute asshole and insulting your intelligence, but even though Gregor isn’t physically intimidating, he’s cunning and his mind is sharp as a tack. He knows his job well and he would find ways to bury us both alive. Legal fees, motions that drag on and on, an invasion of privacy so great it’ll eventually feel like he’s been inside you.”
“Shannon.” Hudson says my name in a way that makes my eyes snap to his. “I may drive a truck for a living and lead a simple life, but that doesn’t mean I’m a simple man.” I start to argue, but he holds up his hand, silencing me. “I understand the risks involved here. I also understand if this is too much for you. But please don’t use my assumed ignorance as a reason for why you’d stay in a dying marriage. Regardless of what happens between us, I want you to start every day with hearts and stars in your eyes, full of love, life, and appreciation for what the day holds.”
A small smile spreads across my lips. “When you say things like that, it makes me ready to get this ball rolling.”
“The job was a good start,” he says, slipping off the mattress and finding a pair of boxers. I watch him for a minute before I answer and he tosses my shirt at me. “How about we go have that drink now?”
I slip into my sweater, wishing it was the soft cotton of his t-shirt downstairs, and pull my jeans on before following him back down the steps.
“Gregor will ensure I take nothing with me. That could potentially include my daughter so she remains my biggest reason to play nice…and not get caught,” I add as a guilty afterthought.
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but North Carolina tends to be astate fairly biased toward the mother in these kinds of situations. At best, he’d get her fifty percent of the time, but to take her away, he’d have to prove you’re an unfit mother, and I don’t think he can do that.”
I stare at Hudson’s hands as he works on making margaritas and puts our uneaten wings back in the oven to warm up now that we’re back in the kitchen. As he works, I shed my sweater and pull his shirt over my head, reveling in the smell of him.
“You’d be surprised at some of the things he can do, and his partners will be no help to me.” I huff a laugh. “Except maybe John Cox, but he’d only help me get free of Gregor so he could claim me for himself.”
Hudson’s eyes snap to mine. “Someone else I should be worried about?” The possessive tone in his voice sends a warm rush through me.
“No. I don’t plan to see him ever again once Gregor and I are separated.”
Hudson hands the margarita glasses to me. “Take these to the couch, will you? I’ll dish up and bring our plates.”
Once he’s seated, I curl my feet under me, leaning my back against the arm of the couch, my shoes still strewn somewhere haphazardly from our frenzied disrobing earlier. I gaze out of the incredible floor to ceiling windows of the small cottage where gentle patters of rain begin splashing on the deck and the river is picking up speed with the added water from the storm that’s moved in.
“Do you think you’d ever move?” I couldn’t imagine leaving this place if I owned it, but I realize I haven’t asked much about Hudson’s aspirations. Everything between us has been about me so far, and I seek to even the balance.
Hudson laughs, sending a shockwave of pleasure down my spine. “Probably not. I always wanted an uncomplicated life. I learned early on the more stuff you have, the more stuff youwant, and the more stuff you acquire, the less you seem to appreciate the things you already have. I’d rather be satisfied with what I have and able to enjoy it, instead of constantly looking for the next thing.”
Hudson’s words blow me away. They’re in such contrast to Gregor’s point of view which has always been to obtain the most stuff possible, regardless of our need for it.
“That’s a good way of looking at things.” I flash him a smile.
“My sister and my friends are here. She just got a new job, and I love mine. Plus, Monica’s kids are getting settled into daycare. The fire department is great and although I wish we were closer to the coast, my best friend Knox keeps me happy by whipping me around on the back of his boat during the summers, so really, I have everything I need.”
At some point, I crawled into Hudson’s lap, needing to draw from his strength. His peace. His calm. His confidence.
I could lay here forever, but at the first lull in the conversation, I make the mistake of checking my watch.
“Oh my God! How did it get this late so fast? Hudson, I’m so sorry! You probably have to get up extremely early!” I dart off his lap, heading to the kitchen to place my margarita glass in the dishwasher when I feel him behind me. I’m not exactly sure how tall he is, but I’m five foot six and he towers over me.
