Page 46 of Playing With Fire
There’s a lot riding on tonight, so it’s hard not to feel pressure, but as soon as I see Shannon’s jeans and casual sweater, her eyes wide with wonder, I know I’ve chosen well. I lead her inside to the kitchen where three types of chicken wings sit on the counter along with a bowl of salad and another of fresh fruit.
“This smells delicious,” she says with a smile, her eyes roving around the space. The kitchen is open to the living room, a small hallway contains the bathroom, and farther down are my bedroom and a guest room.
“Can I get you something to drink? Soda, tea, lemonade, milk, beer, wine, liquor?”
“What are you having?” she asks, almost like she’s afraid she’ll make the wrong choice.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” I reply, shaking my head and putting the ball back in her court.
Understanding that I’m giving her complete control this evening, she smiles and nods.
“I’ll have a beer, please.”
“Good choice.”
I grab two beers and slide one across the counter to her after smacking the lid with my palm against the edge to open the bottle.
She huffs out a laugh. “That shouldn’t be hot, right?”
“Let’s not worry about what thingsshould betonight and instead, just accept them as they are. Come here, I want to show you the best part of the house.” I hold out my hand, desperate to touch her even though I said I wouldn’t. The second she slides her palm against mine, I curse whatever or whoever made it so this woman didn’t cross my path until she was already married.
Leading her out onto the back porch, I smile as she drops my hand and walks to the edge of the deck, bracing her beer and her free hand on the wooden railing. The river is only about thirty yards in front of us, and if it ever floods, I’ll probably lose my house, but so far, so good.
You can’t live based on thewhat-ifs. You have to weigh the risk against the desire and see which one wins out.
“My God, this is amazing,” Shannon says.
“I thought you might like it after you mentioned your outdoor space was your favorite part of your house. We can come back out after dinner while we have dessert.”
Her eyes flash to mine and I know the mention of dessert sent her somewhere erotic. She confirms this when she answers, “I don’t think it’s food I’m craving anymore.” She takes a step closer to me, her nipples pebbling against her top as she steps into my space.
“Was it ever?” I ask, my voice far too low for this early in the evening. I allow myself to get carried away with images of bending her over the deck railing, pounding into her from behind while she screams my name to the river below.
“No,” she whispers, biting her lip as she steps fully into myembrace, running her hands over my chest. “I can’t get that kiss out of my head, Hudson. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore, but I get glimpses of who I want to be when I’m with you.”
“That’s all I want you to be. Yourself. Exactly asyouwant to be.”
“How do we do this?” She tilts her head back to look up at me. “Whatisthis?And what comes next?” She’s asking questions I don’t have answers to.
“I’ve never done this, so I can’t tell you. But we’ll figure it out as we go.”
“I have this fear that I’m bringing too much baggage with me and I’m not offering enough in return,” she admits sadly.
I place my fingers under her chin and meet her eyes. “Shannon, you are enough just by being you.” There’s more I could say, but it seems a little premature to tell her that a wife and child of my own are my biggest desires these days. That sharing everyday life with her from cocktails on the back porch after work to carting kids to hockey, wrestling, or ballet to going to backyard barbeques at Phoenix’s together would be the greatest privilege. When she looks at me, I momentarily forget my grief over Will. She’s the only person who’s been able to give me that relief since he died.
“I’m five years older than you, Hudson,” she continues, like she’s trying to talk me out of this. “I have an infant, and when I leave, my husband, he won’t let me go quietly.”
“Would he ever hurt you?” I ask, the violence behind my tone unmistakable.
“Not physically,” she assures me, “but he’ll certainly hurt me in other ways. If I know him at all anymore, he’ll be more upset that I’m ruining his perfect reputation than he is about me leaving,” she pauses, pain flickering across her face before she starts again. “The wildcard is Serafina. I don’t think he’d tryto take her from me because his schedule won’t allow it, but if he finds out I’m…”
She shakes her head, trailing off unable to say the word.
“Having an affair?” I fill in the gap, allowing her to nod her head without having to say the word.
“Yes. Then maybe hewouldtry to take her from me just to punish me. I really don’t know anymore.”
“We’ll circle back around to this, but let’s go eat. I want to get to know you better while we have the time, because if we do this, we both need to know it’s not going to fizzle out once the lust fades.”
