Page 32 of Playing With Fire
Knowing he’s stressed to the max about this nightmare of a case, I go in search of him. Perhaps I can offer comfort or support of some kind. Despite my waning attraction and complicated love for my husband, I’m still his wife.
Climbing out of bed and throwing on my robe, I push aside the nagging voice in my head. The words strike a chord too close to my heart and I don’t want to examine them right now.Are you offering support for the sake of your vows? Or so that when your marriage fails, you can say you did your best?
I pad down the hallway, my bare feet making no sound on the hardwood floors as I descend the staircase. I’m not trying to be sneaky, I’m just a light stepper. The glow from Gregor’s dual monitors filters into the dark foyer.
As I approach his office, I hear his groan and my heart freezes in my chest. Thinking something’s wrong—a heart attack is most likely, considering the stress he’s under—I race into the office only to catch my husband with his dick in his own hand.
His eyes widen when they see me and he quickly reaches for the mouse, frantically clicking to change the screen.
The last strand of hope I had snaps. I don’t even care enough to be angry, andthat’show I know it’s really over for me.
“All I’ve wanted these past few months was for you to let me be your wife. Formonths, going on ayear,I’ve craved intimacy with you…only to find you’d rather give it to strangers online.” My voice is completely devoid of emotion. I’m sure anger or sadness will hit me at some point, but that point isn’t right now.
He scrambles to shove himself back in his pajama pants. His cock doesn’t even have the decency to deflate after being caught, which is another slap in the face, since whenever he’s with me, he can’t seem to get hard.
“It’s not a livestream, Shan. It’s just videos,” he says, like denying me his pleasure is okay because it isn’t alivestream.
It’s not the video. Hell, I’d be okay if my husband watched the occasional video to learn something new, or sure, to get off if I was out of town, or if he used it because I was so exhausted from all the other sex we’d been having that I needed a break. Or we could even watch it together if it would help.
But catching him like this? Sitting in the dark at three a.m. after months of being denied while trying to get him to share that part of himself with me? No, it’s not just the video. It’s not just that he’s masturbating. It’s that he’s purposely cutting me out when this is the part of him I’ve needed the most.
I wish I’d caught him with his secretary.
That’s a definitive line in the sand.
But this?
I can’t help but hear others’ voices in my head.She left him and gave up everything just because she caught him watching porn? She obviously overreacted.
But there’s no way anyone can understand how deeply this cuts me.And fuck their opinions, anyway, I remind myself.
“I’ll be in the main floor guest room tonight,” I say, turning to go.
“Shan, wait,” he says, hopping up and moving swiftly around the desk.
I spin and hold up my hands. “Gregor, you will not touch me right now. We’ll deal with this in the morning.”
“Babe, let’s talk. I have to leave at five to prepare for that deposition.”
“Then we’ll talk about this at some point, but not right now.”
“Come on, Shannon. It’s just a little porn.”
“Do notcome on Shannon,me. Do not make this my fault. I’ve been the perfect wife, presented the perfect image, given you the perfect daughter. And all I wanted was your attention and some genuine affection in return. But here you are, spilling onto your own hand because you won’t let me in.”
“Christ, Shannon, I just wanted it to be quick. I was working and needed to relieve a little tension. I didn’t want to drag it out and?—”
“And actually make an effort?” I snap. “It wouldn’t matter,anyway. I’ve been the only one to make an effort lately, and I can tell you, it doesn’t work. Goodnight, Gregor.”
“Shannon,for fuck’s sake, can we just go to bed? I have to be up early and I can’t handle you being mad at me on top of everything else I have going on.”
Right. Because once again what’s best forhimis the only thing that matters.
“You know what? I need some fresh air. I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back by the time you leave.”
“A walk? It’s three in morning and dark out, Shannon. Be reasonable.” Gregor chooses this moment, when I literally just caught him with his pants down, to scoff at me yet again.
“That’s what they make flashlights for, Gregor.” There is no snark behind my words, just a flat tone of truth.
