Page 57 of Playing With Fire
“Shannon! I’m home.”
“Jesus, Greg. You scared the hell out of me,” I chastise. “I wasn’t expecting you until later.”
He drops his bag on the kitchen floor, no doubt expecting me to put everything away, and reaches for our daughter, holding her high in the air. She giggles until he does that fake-drop thing. Of course, he catches her, but my daughter just finished her dinner and is not enjoying the sensation of being on the Tower of Terror.
“Excuse me for wanting to surprise my family,” Greg says nonchalantly, still tossing Serafina in the air.
“Gregor, she just finished eating. Could you please put her down?” If I’m tryingnotto piss him off, I’m doing a terriblejob.
“Jesus, Shannon,relax,” he gripes. “This isn’t exactly thewelcome homeI thought I’d get.”
As if sticking up for me, Serafina spits up every ounce of milk and her pureed dinner on Gregor’s suit. I cough into my hand to cover up my laugh.
Finally ready to be done with the game, Gregor hands her over to me. “Well, I guess I’m going to go clean up. Could you heat me up some of whatever you’re having?” His voice trails off as he heads for the master bedroom.
“I haven’t made anything. I thought it was just going to be me so I ate a quick peanut butter sandwich before I fed Serafina,” I call after him, not even sure if he heard me.
I strip Serafina in the kitchen, playing with her toes to distract her from the cold air now hitting her skin. I toss her dirty outfit directly into the washer to wait for the rest of the load and then carry her upstairs for something new and warm.
When we come down a few minutes later, Gregor looks at me expectantly from the kitchen table, his phone in his hands.
“What do we have to eat?” he asks.
At the absolute end of my patience with him, I open my mouth to answer, when my phone dings. Thankfully, it’s in my back pocket—I can’t stand to be separated from it these days, just in case. I place my clean daughter in her high chair and answer Greg before checking the message.
“I don’t know. I made a peanut butter sandwich,” I repeat.
“Is that all you’re eating? Don’t you want to make spaghetti or something?”
“Gregor, you know where the pantry is as well as the cupboard containing the pots. You’re also extremely intelligent and I have all the faith in the world that if you want spaghetti, you can certainly make it.”
He turns slowly in his chair to look at me. A move that intimidated me in the past because it does a good job ofconveying his anger as it boils just below the surface. But I will no longer allow this man to control me, manipulate me, coerce me, or entrap me.
“I’m gone for less than forty-eight hours and come home to find some angry, spiteful woman has replaced my wife. What has gotten into you?”
“The truth?” I ask, throwing his own tone back at him.
“Well, I certainly don’t think lying will help the situation,” he snarks.
“I’m still not over finding you in your office with your dick in your hand and to add?—”
“Forfuck’s sake, Shannon! Why are you still going on about that? It was embarrassing enough as it is, must you continue to bring it up?” he shouts, causing Serafina to cry.
It’s just like Gregor to shift the blame onto me and makemethe issue. I want to explain that I’m not angry that he was masturbating, I’m angry that he refuses to be intimate with me and prefers to get the job done alone while I’m starving for his affection.
Well,wasstarving for his affection.
“You know what, we should talk about this later. I’m going to take Serafina back upstairs for her bath.”
“Fine. I have some work to finish anyway. I’ll be in my office. We’ll talk after you get Serafina down.” His order makes me grind my teeth. Is it really so hard toask?And even if that answer isyes,why can’t he at least phrase his demand less aggressively? If he’d saidwhen you’re ready, I’d like to talk about this,I would drop everything and give him my undivided attention. But now I see the power move for what it is and it sickens me to look back on my life and see how often I mistook it for stress or a misunderstanding on my part.
It isn’t until I finish Serafina’s bath that I remember my phone had gone off downstairs. Placing her onher stomach on her play mat, I surround her with her favorite toys and lie on the floor next to her, finally checking my phone.
Hudson
I know I said I wouldn’t text you, but I figured we have a couple hours of freedom left that I should take advantage of.
I miss you already. I loved seeing you in my bed this morning.
