Page 66 of From the Ashes
Phoenix clears his throat. “I’m sorry. I thought a run would help clear my head. Didn’t work so well. What do you need?”
“I was able to get the buttons on my shirt done, but I get a pretty nasty twinge of pain trying to do my jeans and I didn’t want to meet my…son,” I choke on the word just a little because this is really happening, “in sweatpants, ya know?”
Phoenix drops his gaze to my unbuttoned jeans and a scowl crosses his face. At least he keeps his attitude to himself this time. He moves past me to walk around the island to the kitchen table and pulls out a chair, plopping his ass in it.
“Come here.”
I move toward him slowly, but he reaches between us impatiently and struggles to fasten the button almost as much as I did. His knuckles graze my rigid cock as he drags the zipper up, hoping it’ll help with the button part, and I use every ounce of self-restraint I have to not reach out and hold his hand against me. Finally, he stands up to gain enough leverage to push the button through the hole.
“I’m a lot better at theunbuttoning,” he grumbles. “Can’t say I’ve ever buttoned someone back up before.”
I grab Phoenix’s chin until he’s forced to look at me. “If you won’t letmehave you,fine, but the absolutelastfucking thing I want to hear come out of your mouth is anything about the men and women thatdoget you.”
In an epic display of word vomit, Phoenix immediately says, “I haven’t slept with any guys since you.” Then, he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose like he can’t believe he just said that.
“We’re definitely going to unpack that later, but right now, I need to try and focus on Colton.”
Phoenix nods, finally pushes the button through the hole, and turns for the stairs.
“I’m going to grab a quick shower of my own and then I’ll be ready.”
We ridein silence until my nerves overshadow the tension between him and I. I have to say something or risk puking all over his floorboard.
“Phoenix, I’m freaking out. What do I say? What if herefuses to talk to me? Or just tugs on Alexis’s hand and says he’s bored and wants to go home?”
“Feel him out,” Phoenix instructs rationally. “Most kids are happy to talk about themselves, but others feel uncomfortable with too many questions.”
“Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know which one he is?” I bark. I crack my knuckles, wipe my left palm up and down my thigh, and when I run out of nervous tics, I start fucking with the Velcro on my wrist brace.
The sound must annoy Phoenix because I see his hand reach toward me. I instantly let go of the Velcro strap. Thinking I’ve solved the problem, I’m surprised when he grabs my left hand and laces our fingers together.
I want to ask him what he’s doing or what this means, but I’m so emotionally charged at the upcoming meeting as we take the exit for the park, I just clutch his hand and let the contact work its healing magic the way only Phoenix can.
He doesn’t let go until we’ve pulled into a space and he’s killed the engine.
“I’m going to be sick,” I announce. “This is so much fucking worse than riding a bronc.”
“Hey,” he says, locking me in place with a look, “you can do this. Just be yourself. Tell him about the horses you ride. Oh, and here.”
I watch as he twists in his seat to reach behind him, pulling out a stuffed horse wearing a saddle.
I make yet another joke because otherwise, the weight of my emotion is going to either drown me or choke me out. “Aw, you shouldn’t have. Although it might be nice to cuddle with tonight.”
Phoenix’s tone is serious when he answers. “Kids love gifts. Thought it might help break the ice.”
I bite the inside of my cheek and feel my features make allthe ugly faces of someone trying not to cry. With shaking hands, I take the horse from him.
“You know, I think I was wrong earlier. This would honestly be a lot easier if you were a raging dick to me until I’m gone.”
Not giving him a chance to respond, I open the truck door, climb out, grab the stuffed horse, and blow out a breath as I make my way to the playground in the distance. Irony stabs me in the chest as I realize it was thoughts and concerns about a nameless child that plagued me that night with Phoenix, and now, it’s concerns about Phoenix that accompany me as I make my way to meet the child who now has a name.
Chapter 30
Phoenix
After the longest two hours of my life, Walker climbs back into my truck wearing a huge grin, and my stomach finally drops out of my throat. I could see the playground where the meeting took place, but it was too far away to be able to tell who was who or how it was going.
His mood has done a full one hundred and eighty degree turn and I hope like hell I don’t ruin it.
