Page 32 of From the Ashes
Jonas sees me first.
“Fucking hell, man. Haven’t you done enough damage for one day? Christ, leave the kid alone.”
Walker answers first. “I’m not akid,Jonas. And you’re not my goddamn bodyguardormy babysitter. I can find the camper by myself. I’ll meet you back there in a bit.”
Jonas’s eyes flash to me in warning as he puts a patronizing hand on Walker’s arm.Don’t fucking touch him,my mind begs me to yell, but miraculously, I stay silent.
“I don’t think it’s a good ide—” Jonas says, but Walker cuts him off.
“Yeah, well, I don’t give a shit. We’ll come up with our plan when I get back, but please, for the love of God, stop hovering.”
Jonas sighs and then turns to me, whispering under his breath, “If you hurt him, I swear I’ll make you regret it.”
Too late, I think to myself.
But I bite my tongue, and he throws one last look at Walker before turning his back on us.
When it’s just Walker and I left, I can’t decide which emotion to unleash first, my anger or my relief. Deciding relief might lead to a repeat of last night—which absolutely cannot happen—I decide to go with anger.
“What the hell was that? I know she’s a tough bronc, but that should’ve been an easy win for you,” I bark.
“You think I meant to ride like shit?” he fires back passionately. “You don’t know half of what’s going through my head right now.”
He’s right, I don’t, but can it really be worse than the mindfuck he’s giving me?
“Then by all means, enlighten me, Walker. Because I’m dying to know why you thought after eight years, it was a good idea to come to mycity now.”
Well, hell.
That’s not what I meant to say.
Not at all. And based on Walker’s next question, I know I’ve said too much. Which also means I need to shut this down. I need to go home, take a cold shower, and lock the last four days back up in the box that holds all the other memories of my time with him.
“How do you know I haven’t competed here before?” he asks. The cautious hope in his voice breaches the walls I’m trying to erect and tears them down faster than I can put them up.
“You know what?” I ask, avoiding the question. “Never mind. Compete wherever you want. I’m sure you can find a crooked doctor willing to sign off and let you ride tomorrow. Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve lied about the important shit.”
It’s a low blow, but I make it anyway. I’m starting to lash out because he has me so off-kilter.
“When have I ever lied to you?” he shouts.
“How about when you told me you’d had sex before?”
“Ihadhad sex before,” he says, not making eye contact.
“I meant had you ever done it with another guy and you know it, but if that’s splitting hairs, then how about when you told me it would be better if we went our separate ways?Because clearly that wasn’t true either.” My brain and my voice box are conspiring against me. I didn’t mean to say any of that aloud.
“Oh, fuck you, Phoenix.”
Walker sounds tired, but I’m relentless, because how could he comehereand bring all this shit to the surface?
“You’ve already done that,” I tell him, taking a step closer as a growl slips past my lips. “It might’ve been my dick in your ass that night, Walker, but we both know who really got fucked, don’t we?” If he’s going to make me relive it, then by God, so is he.
“You think it’s been any easier for me?” he retaliates, working hard to keep his voice low as other riders come out of the door next to us.
I’m on a roll so I cut in before he can continue to answer. “You let me take a version of your virginity without telling me! That fuckingmeantsomething to me, and the next day you couldn’t even be bothered to acknowledge my presence,” I snarl. My brain continues the argument in my mind.You used me to get in my head.Not to mention I can’t even touch another guy without thinking of you. That’s too many truths for this reunion and he doesn’t deserve any more of mine, no matter how much I want to give them to him.
Instead,using both hands, I shove him,hard, sending him into the exterior wall of the arena behind him. He winces and immediately pulls his injured wrist to his chest. It’s then that I notice the black brace covering his right wrist.His rope hand.
