Page 9 of From the Ashes
“You were gentle with me…the first time at least,” I point out, my back still to his chest.
“Yeah, well, I mean I’m not a sadist. I just like that I can grip you harder, slam you against walls, grind into you harder, drop my full body weight on you without worrying about crushing you…that sort of thing.”
Something ugly rears its head inside me. I knewwhat this was when I dragged him down here, so getting jealous over the guys he’ll fuck in the future certainly isn’t going to help anything. And yet…
“How often do you…” I trail off, not knowing if I have any right to ask about his personal life, but a sick part of me needs to know.
“How often do I what?” Phoenix asks, encouraging me to finish my thought.
“Sleep with guys,” I reluctantly clarify.
“I don’t fuck anyone that often, guysorgirls. Media makes me look like a man-whore, but the truth is I’m pretty selective. One wrong move and I’ll end up as the butt of some huge joke or a career-ending scandal,” he says as his hand roves across my pecs.God, I love the feel of him.
“Yeah, I understand that,” I admit. After all, it’s the same for me. Then courage I didn’t know I possessed causes the next question to tear from my mouth. “Why me?”
At this, Phoenix rolls me to face him, both of us still naked,our sweat dried to our skin and he smiles the most genuine, beautiful smile I’ve seen all night. It’s the kind of smile that could bring someone back from the gates of hell…which is fitting, since four hours ago, that’s exactly where I was. He pushes my unruly hair back from my face.
“Well,” he smirks, “I was pretty sure you’d be game since you couldn’t take your eyes off me from the minute you arrived at the bonfire. But more than that, I just…I don’t really know how to describe it. I felt a pull to you, I guess. Like I could trust you to keep this between us. You weren’t drunk off your ass, laughing too loud and making TikToks next to the bonfire seeking likes and follows despite the fact that you’d just beaten the reigning title holder for the first time. Your hat was low and you kept to yourself like you didn’t want anyone to notice you. But I did. And when you turned to leave, I knew I was about to miss my chance. Your quiet calmed my chaos and I wasn’t ready for you to go.”
“Fuck, that was a good answer.”And one I was not prepared for.
“Too much?” Phoenix asks in the following silence. “I have a tendency to be too much sometimes,” he adds.
“What?No.” I kiss him simply because I can, wishing I could hold on to this moment forever. “I want your truths no matter howmuchthey are. It’s just…I’m at a loss for words.” But I try to find them for him. His rare display of insecurity in that last statement, has me pressing on. “I’ve…I’ve loved watching you ride for years.”Hell, I feel like I’ve lovedyoufor years.I somehow manage to trap that last thought before it can leave my lips.
Phoenix now rolls me to my back and props his chin on my chest. “Can I ask you one more question?” My palms sweat with nerves over what he wants to know.
“Um, sure?” I hedge.
“Was tonight as easy and enjoyable for you as it was for me?”
My chest pinches.
“Abso-fucking-lutely,” I agree, not wanting him to doubt anything that happened here tonight.
And then he flips my world upside down one more time.
“Thenpleaselet me see you again.” Phoenix is practically begging, and I’m so fucking close to giving in.
I bring both of my arms around him and break my own heart as I deny his request.
“Maybe it was just this good because it had a time limit, you know? Tomorrow we’ll both be going our separate ways with too many miles between us. It’s better if we have a clean break tonight.”
“Liar,” he whispers, nipping my chin with his teeth.
If you only knew.
Everything about this night is completely unexpected—from my win over him to having him inside me—but nothing is more unexpected than the way he wants to do this again and is so vocal about it.
I wish like hell I could agree to it, even if we had to keep it a secret, but it’s a miracle I got away from the watchful eye of my coach in the first place. Not to mention, I end up hurting everyone I care about, and as painful as leaving tonight will be, it’s nowhere near the level of destruction I’d cause if we stayed in touch. I can’t let the black cloud surrounding me darken his sunny skies.
We drag out the act of getting dressed, and while he’s working his jeans up his legs, I tear off the corner of a magazine page I found in the tack room and scribble a message on it with the pen that was on top. As we share one last searing kiss, where I swear he makes love to my top lip, I slip the paper into the pocket of his jeans without him noticing.
The most I can offer him is a truth about tonight.
In a final attempt to delay the inevitable, Phoenix picks my hat up off the floor, flips it twice in the air, places it on my head, taps the front with two fingers to tip it low over my face and then kisses those same two fingers before placing them over my heart.
“Good luck tomorrow. You’ll need it.” He attempts to make a joke, but the sadnessin his eyes matches the sadness in his barely-there smile.
