Page 87 of From the Ashes
It’s as if my angry words finally remind Phoenix that I’m here and he walks us over to the couch and pulls me down ontohis lap. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed by any means, but this is his place of work and a certain amount of respect should be given to the environment, except apparently, he almost died tonight and I’m not in the mood to give him an inch of space.
“It was bad,” Phoenix admits. “Worst fire I’ve ever been called to. One of our guys went in to offer backup to a couple others and the ceiling collapsed. Not sure if it was the smoke that got him or the beam that fell, but he was unconscious when Knox and I found him.” The way Phoenix is holding me reminds me of the first night I clung to him, needing his strength to bear my pain, shame, and guilt. Now, I get the opportunity to hold him up under the weight of his fear and exhaustion, and I couldn’t be more thankful. “I couldn’t think about anything except getting Langley out of there, but once I was in the ambulance, my only thought was of you. All I wanted wasyou. I couldn’t help but think we’ve made it this far just to be torn apart, and it made me realize Ican’tfucking lose you again.” His hands are everywhere, my arms, my thighs, my face. “Which is why I’m resigning.”
My eyes go wide at his words. “No, Phoenix.No.I won’t be the reason this career ends early too. You love being a firefighter.”
“No, I loveyou,and anything that takes me fromyouisn’t something I want in my life anymore.”
I go completely still.
“What do you mean youloveme?” I ask in a stunned whisper.
Phoenix traces my bottom lip with his thumbs, and a peace I haven’t felt in a while spreads throughout my body. “I think about you all the time,” he starts.
“That’s obsession,” I argue right as he closes the distance between us and kisses me again. I don’t even care that he smells like smoke and sweat.
“I want to do anything I can to make you smile,” he mumbles against my lips, still holding my face in place.
“That’s kindness,” I reply, losing steam.
Kiss.
“I want your stubborn fucking mouth on me every second of the day.”
“That’s lust.” My eyes fall shut as I feel him lean in again.
Kiss.
“I can’t imagine waking up next to anyone else,” he starts and I open my eyes, sensing I don’t want to miss seeing his face for what he’s about to say. “I don’twantto wake up next to anyone else. I want to do the mundane, routine things with youandhave all the adventures. I want to watch every single one of your rides in person and be the man you run to after every event. I want to be who you search for in the crowd. I want to hold your hand at every bonfire so you know you’re never alone. I’m on edge when we’re apart, and I feel whole when we’re together. The second something funny or interesting happens in my day, my immediate thought is that I can’t wait to tell you. I get sick to my stomach thinking about life without you, and I can’t do the last eight years again.”
Finally, I relent and nip at his jaw. “Okay, maybe that part sounded a little like love. But if thatislove, then I fucking love you too. Which is either going to make my next question the easiest thing in the world to answer or it’s going to further complicate things.”
Phoenix’s eyes widen a little, and I know the crazy bastard thinks I’m about to drop to one knee. We have miles to go before we’rethere, but I know we’ll make it.
“Would you consider being my coach? You don’t have to answer right now,” I say, fully prepared for him to need some time.
“Yes.Hell,yes,” he says immediately, kissing me again.
As our moment goes from fevered to something slower and softer, two more guys trickle into the room. “Are y’all done getting handsy yet? Some of us can’t unwind after that last call and we’re gonna play poker. Y’all in?”
Phoenix taps my thigh, telling me to stand up. “Thanks for the invite, but my boyfriend and I are gonna head home.”
“Phoe, I didn’t know you were gay,” another guy says.Oh boy, here we go.
“That’s because it’s none of your damn business,” Knox bites out, striding into the room running a towel over his hair. “I’ll play,” he adds before nodding his head toward the door, his gaze fixed on Phoenix. “Get out of here. You two go home and grab a shower and some shut-eye.”
Home. Phoenix is my home.
Chapter 36
Phoenix
It’s been so fucking incredible going to sleep and waking up next to Walker every day since the lake. More than a rhythm or routine, we’re making a life. He’s able to take his brace off for more activities and his next visit with his doctor is supposed to be his last...of course that’s not for another few weeks, but we’re getting there. He has some residual stiffness because the stubborn fucker wouldn’t do formal occupational therapy, but since he’s young and active, his doctor said he expects it’ll all come back once he’s permanently out of the brace.
Walker is currently doing his favorite exercise with it—A.K.A. giving me a hand job—except he’s still half asleep. So basically, he’s torturing me with light touches and inconsistent strokes.
“Baby,” I mutter, throwing an arm over my eyes even though it’s still dark out.
“Mmmm?” he mutters next to me.
