Page 82 of From the Ashes
I can tell she’s fighting a smile, but ultimately, she loses, and the grin makes her dimples pop. “Well, I must admit, you have excellent taste,” she giggles. “How long have you known?”
This is the hard part.
“Since I was sixteen.” I let her sit with that before diving in and trying to explain, and apologize, and grovel appropriately. I finally divulge the details about the night Phoenix and I hooked up. I expect her to be angry at how fucking selfish I was, but in true Alexis fashion, she leans over and wraps her arms around me in a hug.
“I hate that you feel like you have to hide because of your career, and it makes me sick to think that the world almost lost you, but I don’t regret what we did, Walker. Colton is the reason I fought so hard to get into vet school and make a better life for myself. I wouldn’t go back and change a single thing. Being a teenage mother was really hard, but it made me prove to myself that I could overcome anything that was thrown atme, and I needed that. So, you have my permission to let go of any guilt you carry around because of that night.”
Fuck it.
I let the tears fall.
In fact, I straight up ugly-cry into Alexis’s neck as I cling to her, this saint of a woman. The mother of my child.
Somewhere in the distance, I hear a phone ring and look up to see Phoenix pull his cell phone out of his pocket. I can’t hear him from here, but the look on his face is serious and he starts leading Roxy back toward the barn.
“Come on.” I stand from the picnic table and hold my hand out to help Alexis. “Something’s up.”
Phoenix helps Colton off the horse and hands the reins to me.
“I’ve got to go. There’s a fire at an apartment complex and there aren’t enough guys,” he explains in a rush.
“Phoe, you’ve already worked close to seventy hours this week,” I lament. “It’s not safe for you to go when you’re exhausted.” Guilt pummels into me because Iknowhe needed to rest, yet I let him take over with Colton, saddle up the horse, and walk him around.
“I have to go, bab—” His eyes dart to Alexis.
“She knows.”
He nods, but doesn’t finish his sentence or reach for me, so I do it for him. I didn’t get the chance to ask Alexis if she’s discussed such things with Colt, but love is love, and my son will be accepting and nonjudgmental because Alexis wouldn’t raise him any other way.
I pull Phoenix to me with my braced wrist at the back of his neck and bring my lips to his. It’s a quick kiss, no tongue, but full of longing and worry.
“There’s no one else they can call?” I whisper.
“It’s my job. I’ve gotta roll. I’m sorry. Can you handle putting Roxy up?”
“Yeah. Call me as soon as you get back to the station, okay?”
He nods and then he’s gone. A lump forms in the pit of my stomach that has nothing to do with outing myself to my son’s mother, being left alone to entertain them, or having to manage this horse one handed.
I would never ask Phoenix to give up his job as a firefighter because he loves it so much and he’s already had to give up one career, but the stress of knowing he’s walking into literal flames is going to give me ulcers before long. Leaving him to go on the circuit is going to be impossible, knowing he’s back here facing dangerous situations every day.
My stomach knots even tighter and I resolve to talk to him about my plan as soon as he gets home.
Only,he still isn’t home by midnight and all my texts have gone unanswered.
Chapter 34
Phoenix
This is hands-down the worst fire I’ve ever responded to. People are screaming, sirens are wailing, and my own crew is yelling in an effort to communicate, but I can’t hear them over the sound of the hoses and the literal roar of the fire.
The structure isn’t sound. The third floor has already begun to collapse and we have two guys inside. Knox is here with me, but I don’t know if that’s better or worse. He and I have both been pushing ourselves a little too hard this week, but there’s no other choice. Two additional stations have responded, as well. There are six firetrucks out here, but with gas stoves, gas logs, curtains, carpet, and polyester couches, the building is a literal oven.
Another part of the building collapses, and I hear one of my guys scream Langley’s name.
“Fuck!” I yell. “Knox, Paul, help me with the ladder!”
Knox grabs my shoulder. “You can’t go in there, Phoe. It’s a suicide mission at this point.”
