Page 81 of From the Ashes
They follow me up the porch steps and into the house where Phoenix has changed out of his workout shorts and into a pair of faded, worn Wranglers.
I make introductions, my heart beating a thousand beats a minute. I want them to like each other, but I needn’t worry…everyone likes Phoenix.
Alexis looks a little starstruck. Not because she’s that into the rodeo scene, but because Phoenix is just that fucking sexy. A black t-shirt is stretched across his chest and it hangs loose at his waist as he extends his hand for Alexis to shake and gives Colton a high-five.
Phoenix is such a natural at this that Colton takes to him immediately and a pang of jealousy reverberates through me asmykid peppers Phoenix with questions as we walk around the barn.
Alexis nudges my shoulder. “Phoenix doesn’t have the added pressure of wanting Colt to like him. He’s able to relax and just engage without reading into everything. You’ll get there,” she says kindly as Phoenix looks back at us before saying to Colton, “It’s okay with me. Ask your mom and d…Walker, uh, Mr. DeVille.”
Phoenix’s eyes go wide at the blunder, but Colton doesn’t even notice.
“Mom! Mr. Harding said I could ride one of the tame horses.Pleeeeeaseee.Can I?”
Phoenix cuts in with a few more details before Alexis can answer.
“Roxy is eighteen-years-old. She doesn’t get spooked and I’d put my own kid on her. I’ll have the lead line so Colton just has to hold on to the horn on the saddle, and we won’t do more than walk.”
Alexis nods. “Sure. I know he’ll love that.”
“Can I help you put the saddle on?” Colton asks Phoenix, excitedly.
As the two of them head off to the tack room to gather what they need, Alexis turns to me. “He reminds me a lot of you when you were little. He’s not usually so forthcoming with his emotions, but he really likes horses.”
The organ in my chest swells and my damn tears are back. I swipe at them quickly and lead Alexis toward the riding ring. There’s a picnic table under a tree off to the side, so we take a seat and wait for Phoenix and Colton.
“You know, Lexi, I think I’m going to stay in North Carolina…permanently.”
She’s silent for a beat and then her eyes find mine. “What about Texas? Your career?”
An idea actually came to me early this morning when I was wrapped in Phoenix’s arms, but I haven’t had a chance to talk to him about it yet, so my response is vague for now.
“I’ll still compete. I’ll just train up here. I won’t abandon you guys again, Lex. It almost killed me the first time,” I admit. She and I didn’t really get into the morbid details of our relationship, and we definitely haven’t talked about the night my son and I almost left this Earth together, so my words come as a shock to her.
“Walker, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t want you to give up your dreams, and kids were never part of your plan. Hell, we were just kids ourselves.”
Her words make me freeze.
Every time someone called me a kid I lashed out, but hearing it come from Alexis just now, and after interacting with Colton who is almost half the age I was when Phoenix and I hooked up that first time, ice hits my veins.
How would I feel if mybarely eighteen-year-old sonwas sexually active with a twenty-year-old? It dawns on me, in this moment, how lucky I was that Phoenix took care of me. That he was gentle and not on some ego trip to pound my ass as hard as he could. It’s in this moment I realize how desperate and reckless I was that night. Andfinally,I understand why Phoenix was so upset with himself—and with me—in the aftermath.
“Walker?” Alexis’s voice reaches my ears and finally the ringing in them subsides. I hadn’t even realized that Phoe and Colton entered the ring. When my eyes swim into focus, I’m staring at Phoenix. My boyfriend. The man I almost destroyed. The man who could very well destroy me. The man who is leading my son around on the back of his horse, telling him to wave at me and Alexis as they pass by.
“He’s good with kids,” Alexis muses, and suddenly, I’mready to rip this Band-Aid off. I know what I want, and for the first time in my life, I think I can have it all.
“Lexi, I, uh, I need to tell you something.”
She currently has her phone out and is taking pictures of Phoenix and Colton as they make the rounds. She doesn’t look at me when she answers. “What’s up?”
“I’m, um, actuallywithPhoenix.”
She’s still taking pictures, not really understanding what I’m saying. “I know. It’s really nice of him to let you stay here while you get everything sorted out.”
“No, Lex.” I grab her hand to lower her phone and turn her attention toward me. “I mean we’retogethertogether. As in, a couple. I’m gay.”
“Oh…oh!” she exclaims as it finally registers.
“Yeah.”
