Page 8 of From the Ashes
“I’m not sure we’ll have another chance,” he says quietly.
I blow out a frustrated breath. “Then we’llmakeanother chance.” He gives me a sad smile, and I wish I knew how to interpret it. “Look, Walker, I obviously like you, and I think you like me…” I laugh despite the seriousness of the conversation. “Fuck, that sounds so juvenile. I just meant, it’s hard being a closeted rider, and if we were to see each other at other rodeos and arethiscompatible, it might make life a lot easier.”
He huffs out a humorless laugh of his own. “Trust me, Phoenix, nothing about me will make your life a lot easier.”
I can’t help it. I need to know why he sounds so troubled. I lay down next to him on the blankets and pull him on top of me.
“You know, if you don’t love this sport then it’s not worth doing. All the events are dangerous an?—”
“I love riding,” he says immediately, cutting me off.
“Okay, so your stress isn’t rodeo related,” I observe.
“Who said I’m stressed?” he asks, not making eye contact.
“Everyone else may be distracted by these fucking lips,” I nip his bottom lip for emphasis, “and while I’m about to profess my love for them, I also see past them. You’re hurting.”
“Can we talk about something else? Ordosomething else?” he pleads, rolling his hips against me. “This has been the most incredible night of my life. I don’t want to waste time talking about the bullshit.”
I pull his face to look at me. “Fine. I’ll be your distraction, but whatever is bothering you, you’ll get through it. I see the strength you have. Your determination is bright in your eyes. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. You’re stronger than you think, and you’re going to be okay.”
I watch Walker bite the inside of his cheek to keep his emotions in check. His eyes grow glassy as he fights to hold back tears. I hope like hell I made things better instead of worse.
Sounding so broken, he whispers, “Thank you,” before he begins grinding against me again, the heaviness of our conversation fading into the background.
I’m not nearly as gentle the second round as I was the first. He insists on talking shit this time,and it’s like he’s programmed to know exactly which buttons of mine to hit. As I fuck him from behind with my hand on the back of his neck, grinding his cheek into the saddle pad, a mix of awe and fury courses through me because he won’t fuckingbreakfor me. I slam into him harder than I’ve railed anyone before, encouraged by his moans. I want more from him, and he won’t give it to me.
All he says isfuck yes, more,andharder.
By one in the morning, we’re completely spent, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to drive my spurs into my bronc hard enough to stay on when it’s my turn to compete later.
Chapter 4
Walker
Idon’t care that we ride later today. I don’t care that it’s for the championship title. And I don’t care if I lose.
I wouldn’t trade tonight for anything.
But I’ve taken enough from Phoenix, and not wanting to push my luck, I move to get up and get dressed. My body aches and my ass is so fucking sore I’m not sure I’ll be able to stand bouncing on my bronc’s back without being in serious agony. But this physical pain makes the rest of my painalmostbearable.
As soon as I prop myself up on my elbow, Phoenix says, “Don’t go,” and I lay back down, not thinking twice. He said I was strong, but I’m actually so fucking weak, especially for him.
“Is this okay?” Phoenix asks, snaking his arm across my waist, pulling me into his body.
“More than,” I confirm, knowing it’s the exact opposite.
Drawing lazy circles on my naked hip, I feel his lips against my back. Something about being exhausted makes any remaining filter disappear and the heavy conversations return.
“Can I tell you a secret?” he asks, filling thesilence.
“Of course,” I say, eager for anything and everything he’ll give me, even if I’ll never tell him my own.
“I enjoy the company of guys and girls, but if forced to choose, I’d pick a man every time.”
“Why’s that?” I ask, trying to focus on his words and not the path his fingers are burning across my skin.
“More to do. I feel like guys just understand mebetter. I don’t have to be as gentle.”
