Page 72 of From the Ashes
This is either going to end really well or drive the final nail in the coffin currently holding Phoenix and I’s future as a couple. As soon as he told me I was coming along today, I had hoped he would see how well I fit in with his friends…and maybe sneak some glances at me in his swimsuit. I had planned to push all of his buttons until he lost control, but maybe I can get his friends to do it for me. Iftheytell him he’s being ridiculous about the whole thing, maybe he’ll finally listen.
Or maybe they’ll take his side.
Either way, someone’s gotta give because this limbo we’re in is torture.
The absolute fucking worst.
“Phoenix and I slept together several years ago after a competition,” I announce, cutting to the chase.
“JesusChrist, DeVille, will you at least let me catch a buzz first?” Phoenix says, still on the boat, now clutching a bottle of Fireball in one hand and a neon green, silicone shot glass in the other.
He fills it up three times, shooting each one back in one swallow, making me laugh.
“Look who’s the quick shooter now,” I taunt.
Even at this distance, I can see Phoenix’s emerald eyes darken with lust at the mention of the nickname he gave me.
“So? What’s the big deal?” Hudson asks. “It’s obvious you’re into each other even now. When Phoe was competing I’m sure it was easy to get caught up, especially with all those hip thrusts, and bucking motions, and tight jeans. Not to mention, Phoestilllooks like an underwear model.”
With my own consumption of alcohol, and my desperation to get past this, my lips are loose, needing to tell this story and gain the perspective of others.
“Well, for starters, I hadjustturned eighteen, like ten days prior, and Phoenix was twenty.”
“That’s not so bad,” Hudson pipes back up. “Technically you were legal. Shan and I have a bigger age gap than that.”
“Yeah, well, I was also gunning for his title. We were within fourteen points of each other, making me his biggest rival the night I let him fuck me in the ass,” I admit.
“Okay, that’s a little worse, but I still don’t think anyone could blame you for having a hate fuck. They’re some of the hottest,” Dylan chimes in.
I drop another bomb, getting closer to the finale. “He asked if I’d had sex before, and I said yes, but didn’t clarify that it was sex with a girl and was only once. Feeling bad about that, I came clean by writing a note and sticking it in his pocket as we said goodbye. I thought I was doing the right thing by being honest, but apparently, it fucked with his head and ruined his concentration.”
“Ouch. Maybe that’s a little fucked up,” Hudson says, knocking back his drink.
“I know,” I admit softly. “But I swear I didn’t know it would be such a big deal to him.
Anyway, that was the least of my problems that night, and I wasn’t in my right mind when he and I locked gazes the next day. I was already on the back of a bronco when I saw him. I needed to pay attention to what was about to happen, and by the time I realized he was looking at me, waiting on some kind of recognition, my shoot was opening. He thought I was giving him the cold shoulder, that I’d used him, and messed with his head on purpose and that’s why he fell the next day.”God, I’m so tired of reliving this.Blowing out a breath, I finish the story. “He was unconscious before I could apologize or explain. As it turns out, that night has eaten away at both of us over the years and now Fate’s hilarious sense of humor has turned him into my knight in shining armor once again.”
“Fuuuuuck. I’m not a hero, DeVille,” Phoenix groans half drunk, still on the boat. Those of us in the water have all gathered around the floating vehicle so everyone can hear.
“And I’m not a villain, Harding,” I argue. Somehow this time it doesn’t feel as heavy as it usually does. Like maybe I’m saying it enough that he’s finally starting to believe it. “So, eight years later, here we are. I’m living with the one guy I can’t get out of my head, and he thinks this relationship can’t happen because I’ll lose my sponsorships…and of course, he still blames me for his injury.”
There’s obviously a lot more to it, but since this is the argument Phoenix has chosen, this is the one I present to the group. Meanwhile, Phoenix has abandoned the little shot glass altogether and is drinking straight from the bottle.
“Well, fuck,” Hudson starts, “After Jake came out with Dylan, and I shacked up with a married woman, I didn’t think anything would surprise me, but Phoenix being into barelylegal, bronc-riding dick is something I didnotsee coming.” Everyone laughs—except Phoenix.
“For fuck’s sake,” Phoe groans, clearly not happy that I’ve divulged our business to the group. “That night cost meeverything.”
“Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly walk away unscathed, either. I’ve apologized repeatedly, and your stubborn streak is about to cost us even more,” I say, growing frustrated.
“Because it can’t go anywhere!”
“It definitely can’t go anywhere if it never starts!” I shout emphatically, hoping like hell his buddies help me out here. It’s not like my desperation isn’t palpable, laid bare in front of them all.
Jake shrugs in the water and leans over to plant a kiss to his husband’s lips like he’s glad our drama isn’t his drama, before returning his attention to his best friend and swimming for the ladder, finally weighing in. “Phoe, you’re obviously fucked up over him. What have you got to lose?”
Without missing a beat, Phoenix replies, “Him,Jake. I could losehimall over again, and I barely survived that loss the first time. His life is in Texas. Not to mention, what happens when he resents me for losing his career? Even if I’ve forgiven him, who’s to sayhewill forgiveme?”
As Phoenix talks, Jake and I climb the ladder to the boat with Hudson waiting to board the vessel, as well. Unable to stand the distance as he drunkenly exposes his fears, I straddle his lap as soon as I board. Careful to keep my dick away from his, I’m practically sitting on his knees with sixteen inches of space between our groins. He doesn’t push me away, and I’m not sure if it’s because he’s finally giving in or if the Fireball has clouded his ability to realize what’s going on, but I press ahead anyway.
