Page 59 of From the Ashes
I should’ve known he wasn’t going to sugar coat his answer. That honesty is what I wanted from him, isn’t it? That honesty that he denied me all those years ago. The admission that he wanted to continue what we’d found. Now, the masochist inme wants to draw out every truth he holds, including why he’s staying in North Carolina.
“I don’t know how to respond when you say things like that,” I admit with some combination of frustration and anger.
I swear his voice gets deeper when he answers. “Why? Because my words piss you off? Or because how much you still want me pisses you off?”
“Why did you lash out at that girl at the arena when we picked the horses up?” I ask, avoiding his question. But of course, he doesn’t let me get away with it.
“You answer me first.”
“You know the answer.” God, my cock is thick and hard along my thigh. I lean forward, bracing my elbows on my knees to try and hide it in case anyone else walks in here.
“I want to hear you say it,” he whispers into the phone.
Gritting my teeth, I relent and give in to him just this once. “How much I want you pisses me off.”Fuck, I’m going to regret this in the morning.I’mdefinitelygoing to regret it when I have to look him in the eye again.
“That’s what I thought,” he says triumphantly. “I was pissed that Letty thought she could touch you just because she was pretty,” Walker admits, answering my question. “I was insecure because I want you to be attracted to me, but I know in reality there are probably a lot of other guysandgirls you find attractive that would fit more easily into your life…and that pissesmeoff.”
I stay silent, trying to digest that information when his voice comes over the line again. Apparently, we unknowingly started a game of twenty questions because he fires his next one.
“How long have you been watching my competitions?”
“Eight years.” The truth starts to come a little more easily. “What is the real reason you chose to stay in North Carolina?”
I assume the answer is me. After everything else he’s admitted, it doesn’t seem like this would be so hard to say, but instead of continuing the game, he swallows hard and shuts down completely.
“I’ll tell you eventually, but that’s not a conversation for the phone. Oh, and can I borrow the Jeep this coming weekend?” He’s distant all of a sudden. He finally worked this confession out of me and now he wants distance?
Just like the first time.I can’t seem to keep myself in check around him and he so easily moves on once he’s reduced me to a puddle at his feet.
Somehow able to sense my frustration, he sighs heavily on the other end of the line. “Look, I’m really sorry about being shady. It’s just…everything I’ve been running from has caught up to me all at once and I’m still trying to process it.”
“Are you in trouble?” I ask immediately. Even if I hate myself for it, the need to protect him is stronger than ever. I don’t mean to resume the game. I just need to know more about what’s going on.
“No. It’s nothing dangerous.” Then in a pretty skillful segue he adds, “Unlike you and that fire tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow when you get home. Please be careful.”
And the line goes dead.
Chapter 27
Walker
It’s Thursday and I’ve felt like I could shit my pants ever since I woke up this morning. Alexis called to confirm our plans for this Saturday. I can’t believe two weeks have flown by so fucking fast.
Phoenix has continued to avoid being in the same room as me ever since our phone conversation the night of the fire. In the light of day, I feel bad for pushing him to admit his feelings. It was a dick move considering my entire future hinges on a meeting with a person he knows nothing about.
If this were just about he and I giving in, I’d have had his dick in my ass the night I got here. It would’ve been a no brainer. I’d come out, because fuck what anyone else thinks as long as Phoenix and I face it together, and I’d make NC my home base when I wasn’t on the circuit. There’s nothing for me in Texas anymore, anyway.
But when I pause and factor in Alexis and Colton, well…depending on how this meeting goes, my life could look a lot of different ways in the immediate future, and it’s not fair to drag Phoenix into that until I know what it is.
Phoenix is back on at the fire station today because someone called out. He was off yesterday, but spent most of the day at Knox’s helping him with something...or maybe it wasKnoxhelpingPhoenixavoidme.I don’t like that thought at all, but seeing the bond Phoenix has with his friends really makes me feel like I’m missing out on something essential. When Jonas left, I lost my only friend.
I’ve spent the entire day trying to stay busy and wear myself out so that after one beer and my medicine, I’ll be able to fall right to sleep tonight. But there isn’t much left to do.
The sun has begun to set. It’s almost seven p.m., I still have no appetite, and being inside makes me feel claustrophobic. The pressure in my chest from what Saturday holds is threatening to suffocate me. Knowing Phoenix isn’t due home until tomorrow morning, I pull my sweaty shirt over my head and pop my earbuds in while I scour the back paddock for any mole holes.
They can be dangerous to horses. If a horse steps in a hole like that and sustains a fracture above its fetlock, it’s almost always guaranteed that you’ll have to put them down. So, with the gorgeous colors of dusk looming above me, I begin to pace the field looking for any signs of the critters that can wreak so much havoc on a farm like this.
I’m peacefully humming along to a nineties country station, enjoying the feel of the warm air on my bare skin, when Phoenix’s voice filters through my earbuds.
