Page 39 of From the Ashes
I try to ignore the way my heart is swelling over his continued anger on my behalf.
“The vehicles belong to my dad. He said Jonas could use them as payment for the rest of the season since I don’t need him anymore.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Phoenix scoffs immediately. “If he was worth anything as a coach, he’d use this down time to review rides, to research the animals, to help you stay in shape and not lose your fucking mind. Your legs aren’t broken. You can walk, bike, squat.” I’m not even sure he’s talking to me anymore or if he’s imagining that he’s berating Jonas to his face. I stay still, trying to hide my smile. After another minute of ranting, he stops abruptly, looking up at me as if just noticing I’m still here. “Is he just leaving you in North Carolina with no way home?”
I laugh. “You do remember I’m only two years younger than you, right? I know how to buy a plane ticket and get myself home.”
Phoenix looks at war with himself. His emotions flit across his face as if they were being displayed on a movie screen, but there are too many to catch them all.
I lean against the barn and cock my head to look at him, trying to name as many as I can.
“You want a lift to the airport then?” he finally asks.
I can’t help but smirk. “You call me over here just to see if you could get rid of me faster, Harding?”
“For the record, I wasn’t the one that called you over here.” He nods his head toward a black truck where an older gentleman is milling around. “But I think we can both agree you getting the hell out of here is best for everyone.”
Phoenix Harding has always made me stupid. It’s the only reason I can think of for why my voice deepens as I take a small step closer and admit, “I’d have to disagree.”
I hear his harsh exhale and wish to God it had been againstmy mouth or my skin. Being this close to each other is taking the fight out of him and it’s giving me wings. These face-to-face interactions are getting harder to navigate. As nice as just laying eyes on him has been, it’s impossible to not want to feel him wrapped around me. Watching his sweat roll down his neck right this second, I want to flatten my tongue against him and lick him clean. It’s hard digesting his beautiful face while remembering what he felt like inside of me. How kind he was. How perfect we were together. He finds his voice while I’m processing and it feels like he’s drowning my memories in a bucket of ice water.
“You’re entitled to that opinion I suppose, but do you want that ride to the airport or not?”
Stop shutting me down. Talk to me, I silently beg. I don’t say the words out loud, though, because his walls are back up, meaning the words would do me no good. Plus, if I want him to let me in, I’d have to lethimin first, and I just can’t do that yet.
I nearly choke on the pain I feel at losing him again. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve said goodbye thinking it was the last. And it never gets easier.
The truth is, he blames me for the ride that almost killed him and I’m just as much of a mess now as I was back then...maybe more with the news Alexis just dumped on me. The only thing Phoenix and I have going for us this time is that we aren’tbothon the circuit, but that’s hardly a solid foundation, especially considering that he’s been out of the rodeo for eight years and I still don’t think he’soutout.
“I, um, actually have to stick around for a few days. There’s something I need to handle,” I answer.
His jaw clenches as he grits out, “There’s nothing between us, Walker. Don’t hang around on my account.”
I want to tell him he’s wrong…thereissomething between us and there always will be. I feel it just as strongly now as I didback then, but his insistence on denying what we’re feeling—what that kiss proved—is really pissing me off.I didn’t mean to mess with his head. I couldn’t tell him that I was already in love with him after only meeting him once. I thought I was saving him by walking away.“Not everything’s about you, Phoenix,” I snap, finally at my wit’s end.
“Still telling lies, I see.” At least this time he cracks a smile when he says it. But honestly, the smile almost makes it worse. It makes it feel like if we had enough time, we could get past this, when in reality, I think he’s just trying to survive the interaction.
Nonetheless, he’s right. Regardless of the other shit I have going on, thisisabout Phoenix.Everythingis about Phoenix for me. Always has been.
“You gonna tell me what’s keeping you here?” Phoenix asks, recovering his voice a minute later.
I want to tell him. I want to tell him everything. The truth about the night we hooked up. Why I latched on to him the way I did. What was going on. What’sstillgoing on. But Phoenix is only just toleratingthisinteraction. Me dumping my most personal baggage on him before we’ve had a chance to repair the damage already between us wouldn’t help at all.
“Maybe someday,” I finally reply before changing directions. The sun is going to set soon. I’m exhausted and I want to get drunk and take a shower. “You happen to know of a decent hotel around here that won’t break a cowboy’s budget? Preferably one with a bar in the lobby?”
Suddenly, the rugged guy I saw with Phoenix earlier comes back into the barn and opens his mouth. “You’re in luck. Phoenix just lost his farmhand. He’ll give you a place to stay if you help keep an eye on his broncs once he carts them home on Sunday, and keep up with the farm while he’s at work. With your good hand at least.”
Phoenix pins an icy glare at his friend. “You need to stay out of this, Knox. I’ll figure the farm out. Walker has things of his own to take care of and I’m sure?—”
I interrupt him, grabbing the opportunity that’s being presented by the horns.
“Actually, that would kind of be perfect. Even one handed, I’ll be easier to train than almost anyone else. You just have to show me where everything is.” I try to keep the hope and excitement out of my voice, not wanting to spook him.
The guy,Knox, speaks first. “Good. Now that that’s settled, Phoe, why don’t you take Mr. DeVille home, and I’ll finish this up. You’re a hazard, anyway.” He holds up a hand revealing a bandaged finger.
Phoenix stares at his friend, the ice he had in his eyes for me is replaced with the fire of fury. “Mark my words, Knox. I’m going to find a way for this to bite you in the ass so hard, life as you know it will never be the same.”
“Promises, promises,” the man chides before flicking his wrists and actuallyshooingus away. I imagine not too many people get away with treating Phoenix like this and I’m intrigued by the man. Cool as a cucumber and confident, but also kind of…sad.
