Page 31 of The Order of Disorder
He’s not done.
I can see how hard he still is. Thick and flushed and glistening. My breath catches.
“You ready, baby?” he asks, voice gone hoarse.
I nod. I can barely breathe.
He moves toward me, settling between my legs and giving me a small, private smile. Then he pushes into me in one smooth stroke, long and deep. I groan at the sensation. The stretch. The heat. He grabs my hips and starts moving—hard, deep thrusts that fill every inch of me.
“Fuck, Max,” he groans. “You feel like heaven. So fucking tight, so warm. You’re gonna make me lose my mind.”
Rox kisses my neck, my shoulder. Strokes my hair.
“You look so fucking good like this,” she says worshipfully. “I love watching Maze fuck beautiful girls like you.”
Her mouth finds mine, and then she’s kissing me as Maze fucks me, his pace steady but relentless.
My hips lift to meet every thrust, desperate for more. For all of it. I’m so close again, my body is already unraveling.
“That’s it,” he pants. “C’mon, baby. Let me feel you.”
“Yes,” Rox whispers, pulling away. “Come on my boyfriend’s big cock. I wanna watch him come in you.”
It’s enough.
The words tip me over the edge, and suddenly I’m coming, clenching around Maze’s cock, and that’s all it takes. He groans,loud and rough, burying himself deep as he pulses, his whole body shaking.
He collapses on top of me, forehead pressed to mine, still thrusting and breathing hard. Rox wraps her arms around us both, her body warm and soft at my side.
Even after Maze stills, we stay like that, tangled together, for a long while. Just catching our breath. Finally, Maze rolls off to one side of me, and Rox drops her arm onto my belly.
My muscles are jelly. My skin tingles. The high from the Molly starts to soften, the sharp edges less jittery, and the oxy pulls at me gently, like warm water. I let it take me.
I stare at the ceiling for the longest time, body and mind floating, half-aware of the soft sounds of Maze and Rox on either side of me. None of us sleep, but we’re too peaceful to move. I memorize the rough plywood ceiling above us, my mind blessedly empty, too gone to think.
Time stops mattering.
I don’t know how many days pass. Could be two. Could be ten. Everything blurs together. Rox, Maze, and oxycontin. There are pills and joints laced with powder, and crushed lines inhaled up our noses with immediate effect. Daytime and nighttime are indistinguishable. Sex, too, happens with blurred edges. I become aware that I’m engaged in it with no memory of how we got there. I wake up to Maze parting my legs and pushing into me in the dead of night. It doesn’t matter. My main concern is the pills.
I want one all the time and begin to feel that Maze is withholding. “That’s enough for now,” he’ll say. “Trust me.”
I try to keep my eyes on the little key he uses to open his locked cabinet full of drugs, but he seems intuitively aware of my interest and always manages to hide it out of reach.
The high is never quite as good as it could be. Good but never perfect.
We eat when we remember. Mostly toast, cereal, leftover pizza.
I think I laugh. Or maybe I just remember laughing.
One time, I hear shouting in the hangar. Something about a drop gone wrong, someone getting caught. Maze closes the door and locks it, and then Rox paints my toenails glitter pink and tells me I have the prettiest feet she’s ever seen.
Another time, Billy knocks on the door. “She good?”
Rox answers, sweet as candy. “She’s perfect.”
She tells me that Peach is gone, that she left because of Billy, and I try not to listen because I don’t even want to hear his name. I don’t want to exist in a world with Billy Manning in it. One where Ryder is dead and Wyatt is one of the bad guys, no better than Silas. I want to live in the world I’ve discovered above this one, hazy and indistinct, and accessible only by the pills that Maze gets more and more stingy with.
It’s hot out, the kind of muggy, sticky heat that makes everything feel heavier. Rox and I are headed back from the far side of the lot after tanning, and my high is wearing off. Rox is talking about her old apartment in Nashville. I’m only half-listening.
