Page 51 of Whoops-A-Mate From Outer Space
“The next stage is volunteers,” he started. “Human and Lalyllte men, coming together to mate and have children. Much of my work can be done as effectively on Lyll as here at that point. But the men who come here, they will need things to do.If I leave, that opens up a position in our science delegation for a man seeking a mate. A younger man…”
He paused and shook his head. “It is a good time. Veeshen is pregnant, and Naduq is still of an age that it will be a strain with two small children to care for. If I am there…”
He trailed off again, unable to convince even himself.
I was reminded of the man he was less than two months prior: accustomed to solitude and hiding his desire for connection.
On Lyll, he would have his own kind. On Earth… he’d watch the other Lalyllte mate and have kids. It was the same as what happened to me, only it would be worse for him. I’d had years to watch people drift away, but he’d watch it happen over weeks and months if everything went well.
And we’d both had a taste of what a real connection felt like after being alone for so long.
He couldn’t go back to that level of loneliness.
Could I?
“I must go,” he said, standing abruptly. “I must prepare for the meeting tomorrow.”
“Do you want me to walk you down?”
He paused, already halfway to the door. “Thank you. That is not necessary. I will see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” I echoed as he walked out.
My heart broke for him. But there were no good options.
For either of us.
∞∞∞
Eashai looked rough the next morning. A touch of redness rimmed his eyes, which had noticeable circles underneath. Glaring fluorescent light reflected off stubble where he was normally clean-shaven.
But the worst was the way he slumped when he thought nobody was looking. It was the first time I’d ever thought he looked his age. His expression fluctuated between tired, defeated, and lost.
I felt like an asshole. I’d done that to him.
Tolai and Veeshen would never forgive me for wiping the smile from Eashai’s face.
Worse were the fake smiles when somebody talked to him—a mask carefully crafted during years of grief that he’d resorted to using again. I didn’t need to be close to hear the excuses—niceties everybody recognized and accepted so that they wouldn’t have to have the hard conversations. Phrases like “worked late last night” or “couldn’t sleep” provided enough plausible deniability for another person to feel like they’d done their part without being too nosy.
Still, the people who knew him… and me… seemed very aware that it was something deeper. I couldn’t miss the way Floyd and Major Klein kept looking between us.
Maybe it would have been better—less painful—if we’d been fighting.
I’d hoped to sit with him during lunch, but he left with the other Lalyllte before I had a chance to invite him to the mess.
Eashai must have had a ton of caffeine—or the Lyll equivalent—during lunch, because he came back looking slightly better. The redness was gone from his eyes, and the circles had diminished somewhat. But he was still a shell of the man I’d come to know.
My mind wandered as a man from the medical team started speaking. He was saying something about testing for genetic diseases.
The solution was both obvious and complicated. Eashai needed companionship. I’d pulled him out of that hole, and the thought of returning to his isolation was breaking him. But could he find what he needed on Lyll, when he hadn’t found it before?
Maybe if he stayed on Earth, he’d meet a man he wanted to mate—a man who could keep him smiling.
I didn’t want him to lose his smile.
I tried to imagine him with another man, happily mated. But in every scenario in my head,Iwas his mate.
Cuddling under a blanket while watching TV in the winter.
