Page 24 of Omega's Reluctant Mate
“No,” I sighed. “I didn’t just choose abstinence. I figured that out when I started casually dating. Every man I was with was ready for sex, even when they were the ones who said they wanted to take things slow. But, for me, there was no spark. When I thought about it, it seemed more like a chore than something pleasurable. I ended up delaying, over and over, until all the men left for greener pastures.”
I licked my lips. “For a while, I thought I was broken.”
“I think I get it.”
I studied the patio floor, noting a tiny chip at the corner of a tile. I’d need to let Reginald know so that he could have it repaired. “It wasn’t until my final year of college that I experienced sexual attraction for the first time. Thing is, we weren’t dating. He had a steady boyfriend—whom he mated a year later. What he was, was a friend.
“I was mortified. Years of not being sexually attracted to anybody, and there I was, lusting after a man who was unavailable.”
“What did you do?’
“The only thing I could think of. I ghosted him. I made excuses to not go out, or avoided him at parties. He was a friend, and I cared deeply for him. I wasn’t going to ruin his life because my dick had noticed somebody for the first time.”
“How did he take that?”
I scrubbed a hand down my face. “About as well as you’d expect. At first he believed the excuses, but as time went on it was clear he knew I was avoiding him. Finally he confronted me, and I told him the truth.”
“How did that go?”
“He was hurt, but instead of ending the friendship he sat me down and we discussed it. Really discussed it. He’d known that I had a string of failed relationships because I wasn’t ready yet, but had never probed deeper. Then he asked what the difference between him and my exes were. At first I couldn’t explain it, but after I thought about it I realized it was that he was not only a handsome man, but important to me. We’d been incredibly close before I ghosted him, and though I’d kept any romantic feelings at bay, something inside me saw him as a trustworthy and suitable partner. It was then that he told me that I might be demisexual.”
I paused to take a sip of lemonade. “For the first time I didn’t feel broken. I had a label that defined my interest in sex overall, but my lack of urges when it came to actual people. I felt like I could move on with my life without worry. I’d eventually find an omega I’d be able to connect with. We could let the relationship develop slowly. Then I started getting those feelings that I had a fated mate out there, and it terrified me. There would be no easing into a relationship, so I could never be the alpha my mate needed.”
“Why do you think you can’t do that with Corey?”
I rubbed my arms. “Because that’s not how it works with fated mates. You said the first thing you wanted to do was pull Cody into your arms. Zaya said that he wanted to ditch the impromptu dinner date with Cadence so they could get right to the knotting part. The expectation for fated mates is that they get down and dirty as quickly as possible. Even last night, Corey got one look at me and had a tent in his pants proclaiming his readiness. But to me, he’s just a good-looking near-stranger. I have no desire to take him to bed.”
“But that can change, right? If you get close enough?”
“I think so, but I don’t actually know if the spark I need will ever happen. I can’t be the alpha society’s taught him to expect.”
“Society can fuck itself.”
I choked on another sip of lemonade. “What?”
“I said society can go fuck itself. Not every fated mate pairing is fairy-tale perfect. Did I expect Cody to bolt on sight? Of course not. Does that make us any less bonded as a pair now? No. I love him, and I can see his love for me in his eyes.”
“But you knew you could get there,” I sighed. “I’m not sure if I will.”
Wes took a sip of lemonade, leaned back, and crossed his legs. “You say that, but I think fate wouldn’t do you dirty. Corey is one of the most patient men I’ve ever met. If there’s anybody who can give you the space and time you need, it’s him.”
I thought back to that morning on the beach, and how he’d stayed back—ready to leave me alone if I’d asked.
“Have you told him any of this?” Wes asked.
I shook my head. “I really don’t know how. There’s no good way of telling him that while he expected a knot within hours, that I’m currently not sexually attracted to him at all. I don’t want to fuck him, but I don’t want to hurt him either.”
“I think the not knowing part is hurting him more.”
I groaned, leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and held my head.
“Can I ask a question?” Wes asked.
“You mean another one?”
“Don’t be an ass.”
“What?”
