Page 11 of Coffee Shop Cupid
“I didn’t manage to eat though. I left almost as soon as one of the workers put my pastries in front of me.”
“Was there something special about the pastries?”
I shook my head. “No, they’re my favorite flavors.”
“What about the worker?”
I paused and thought about the man, how good-looking he was. I licked my lips. “I… I thought that he was handsome. He was an alpha.”
There was a moment of almost silence, with only the scratching of his pen. “Was it the first time you felt that about somebody since…?”
I nodded.
“It’s natural to feel attraction, you know. I’d even call it healthy. It shows that you’re recovering.”
“Isn’t it too soon?” I asked. “It’s barely been three months since…” I couldn’t finish the sentence, instead reaching back and touching the severed bond mark to indicate what I meant.
“There isn’t a schedule for these things, and you told me that you hadn’t really been intimate outside of trying to conceive for some time; that you and your ex spent more time arguing than doing normal couple things. It may only be a few months since the official end of the relationship, but you were no longer invested long before that.”
“It seems wrong though, like I should feel more guilt than I did.”
“That’s normal too,” he stated. “At one point you’d expected to spend the rest of your life with him. It’s not the easiest thing to rewrite those ideas, even if they’re no longer possible.”
“So it’s… ok… for me to feel attraction to an alpha?”
“I’m not here to withhold or grant permission. My job is to help you on your journey. What feels right to you? Attraction is normal, even in committed relationships you can still appreciate another human being. It’s how you respond that matters. Will you go back to that coffee shop, or will you stay away so you don’t see him again?”
“I don’t know…” I muttered.
“And that’s fine. You don’t need to answer that question right away. But I want you to think about it. Even if you’re not ready to feel those emotions, you should recognize them, and decide how you’re going to handle them until you’re able to face them.”
“I think I understand.”
“Good.” He paused. “Tristan, I know from your perspective you don’t see it. But you’re making remarkable progress. When you first arrived here you were still in a state of shock and denial. You’d held yourself together long enough to remove yourself from anything that could continue to hurt you, but it all hit you at once when you finally felt safe.
“Do you remember what I said when you broke down and told me that you’d had groceries delivered because you didn’t think you could keep from crying on the way to the store?”
I nodded. “You said that it was a step forward, no matter how much I felt otherwise.”
“That’s right, and I’ve seen a lot of steps forward, even when you’ve been worried about falling back. Progress can be scary, especially when you are facing so much. But it’s there, and I see it. Two months ago going to the grocery store was too much, but you’ve already resumed that normal part of life. Plus, you’ve been working a new job in a new industry this whole time. That takes strength.”
“It’s a remote job…”
“Who cares? It’s honest work, you’re being paid well, and had to learn what to do all while dealing with your trauma. Believe me when I say that not everybody can do that. You’re a strong man, even if you feel weak at times.”
“Ok…”
There was a moment of silence, then another scratching from his pen.
“I’m going to give you a challenge,” he said.
“A challenge?”
“Yes. I think you’re ready.”
“What is it?”
“I want you to get out of your apartment and do something other than grocery shopping three times a week.”
