Page 21 of Ice Palace Prince
Chapter 9 - Sean
Lowell had been subdued for much of dinner, and I wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing. While conversation had been easy between us, I could sense that there was something on his mind.
Was he mad that I’d allowed Jessica’s lies to get to me? He didn’t seem the type to be angry about something like that, but maybe he wanted somebody stronger than me.
We discussed what we’d done after high school over a shared piece of cheesecake. He’d stayed in town and ended up at the technical side of our local university. I’d also stayed in Valle Granja, but since the business side of the college was on the other side of campus, we’d never realized we were at the same school.
Granted, the university had more students than some small towns had residents.
“Where next?” Lowell asked me once we were in his car again.
My stomach dropped. I’d thought that it was a given that we’d end up back at one of our places. But my fear was right. He didn’t want me any longer.
Lowell frowned and took my hands in his. “Please don’t make that face.”
“I-I thought we were going to…” I trailed off.
He smiled at me, and for some reason it warmed my heart.
“Do you remember that decision I mentioned earlier?” he asked.
I nodded. It had gnawed at me all through dinner.
“Sean, I’ve dreamed of you being my omega for years. Even when I believed that I never had a chance, you were still the man of my fantasies. I want you now, and I will always want you. But I never want you to feel pressured or obligated to sleep with me. When we were talking earlier I remembered how willing you’d been to turn and take my knot last night before I stopped you.”
He took a deep breath. “When you were telling me about what all Jessica did to you, it made me worry that all her cruelty made you see sex differently. That you might only feel wanted when you are taking a knot, or believe that you owe sex to an alpha.”
He squeezed my hands. “I never want you to feel that way around me. I want sex between us to be because we both want it, enthusiastically. You are the most gorgeous, kindest, smartest man I know, and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes if you want to take things slow. You’re worth it, and even if we never do anything more than we did last night, you’ll still be the most desirable man I’ve ever met.”
Something unclenched around my heart, a fear that I’d never realized was there, and tears started rolling down my cheeks.
One of Lowell’s hands moved up to brush the tears from my face. Then he scooted as close as he could in the car, pulled me to his chest, and kissed my hair.
Had I internalized Jessica’s cruelty that much? I thought of the times when I’d taken a knot, just because it made me feel desired for a few minutes. I remembered the heartache when the alphas left, having gotten what they wanted.
And here was Lowell, a man I’d known for years, telling me that he wanted me anyway. That it was the whole of me that mattered.
I cried for several minutes in his arms. Something about the way he held me told me that every word he’d spoken was the truth, and that made me want him even more.
I took a deep breath as I got my emotions under control. Did I really want Lowell to knot me that night, or did I want to feel wanted by him?
I thought about the nights I’d taken myself in hand, his face in my fantasy. I remembered how eager I’d been just a few hours before when I was getting ready.
He’d said something earlier, about wanting me even when he believed that I wouldn’t want him in return, and I realized that I’d felt the same. I’d thought he was taken and out of reach, but allowed myself to dream anyway.
It didn’t matter what emotions had led to sex with other alphas, hidden or otherwise. They were in the past. Right then I was in the car with Lowell, everything inside me wanting to give in to my desires.
I didn’t want sex with him for validation. I wanted sex with Lowell because it was him, and I wanted a life with him. I wanted babies and a bond mark. I wanted to grow old with him, and he was the first man I’d ever felt that way about.
It was fast, but it was right. I knew that to my very core.
Lowell Jefferson was my alpha.
I took a deep breath and sat up. “Take me to your place.”
He looked down into my eyes, a street light illuminating one half of his face. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. “I want this for me; for both of us.”
