Page 41 of Thomas
“Of course it does. But when you have no interest in feeding?—”
“I never said that,” Cameron asserted, meeting Thomas’s gaze head on. “You didn’t ask me how Ifeltabout feeding, I only told you that I’d never done it—and now you’re scolding me for something I didn’t even say!”
Thomas flinched. He couldn’t remember how exactly the conversation that day had played out. It was strange, because Thomas had always prided himself on being able to read other vampires—social situations and their deeper contexts. Had the imprisonment taken that ability away from him, too?
Was he misreading Cameron? “I—I’m not scolding you.”
“You are. I said I’d never been in a circumstance before where I wanted to offer myself, but now I—” Cameron took a breath and cast his gaze toward the fire and away from Thomas. “Never mind. I hear what you’re saying and I know you mean well. Let’s leave it, then.”
Thomas shifted to sit on the edge of his seat, watching the slow rise and fall of Cameron’s chest and shoulders as he breathed. Suddenly, he remembered Mira’s telling him that thehouse chef thought Cameron had a crush on Thomas but that he didn’t know how to wrangle it. That Cameron had no idea what to do with the feelings because they were likely so foreign to him, and perhaps he needed guidance…
When Thomas altered his perspective to view this moment from that angle, he saw things differently. But he wanted to be certain. It was one thing to hear it second-hand from Mira (who’d heard it from Sulee), versus hearing it from the man himself.
Thomas ventured softly, “I would prefer it if we talked this through, please?”
“We needn’t discuss this further.” Cameron rubbed a palm down his face. “You’ve made yourself very clear, and I… It’s too shameful. All of it.”
“What do you mean?” Thomas waited, unmoving. The moment felt like trying to coax a monarch to land on his finger. After he’d scolded it, apparently.
“It’s mortifying that I brought you here against your will,” Cameron confessed, still avoiding Thomas’s eyes. “I thought you might… I didn’t know you hadn’t consented to this arrangement. If I hadn’t been a hasty, antisocial idiot and had instead followed protocol, I would have learned that your fathers were forcing you into this.”
“I’ve said this before, but truly, you did me a favor by bringing me here, Cameron. You needn’t beat yourself up over that.”
Cameron shook his head. “Still, I should have at leastspokento you first. It’s humiliating that I want to help you, but I can’t… I don’t know how to say it the right way, so it gets bungled up. You are not a task on my to-do list. I don’t view you that way and it isn’t how I feel at all.”
Thomas listened, putting all the pieces together. “So, you want to help me. But you’ve never been in a circumstance where you wanted to offer yourself, until now?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to experience feeding with me?”
“I… Yes. Only if you desired it. But since you don’t, I understand clearly?—”
“No,” Thomas said, holding up a palm and stifling a smile. His heart warmed and thumped in his chest with understanding. “I desire it,” he clarified. They didn’t need to venture down that path of misunderstanding ever again. “I want you, Cameron. I only needed to be certain that you actually want me, too.”
A soft silence hovered between them as Cameron’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. Now that Thomas was allowing himself to ogle him, Cameron’s neck was beautiful—thick and strong like the trunk of an oak tree. Perfect for sinking one’s fangs into.
“Do you trust me to do this with you?” Thomas asked. “To have you in this way?”
“I do,” Cameron said. “I trust you… May I ask some questions, first?”
“Please.”
Cameron took another deep breath. “Is it painful?”
“Feeding?”
“No, I mean… the bite itself. Is it painful when you bite into me with your fangs?”
“It is a little startling, at first,” Thomas said honestly. “But once I feed and begin pouring my thoughts and emotions into you, the sensation of that should quickly mask the initial… jolt, if you will.”
“Your thoughts and emotions,” Cameron repeated. “You intend to convey kind things, I assume?”
“Yes, absolutely. My intention is to make this a pleasurable experience for you. I would never harm you. I promise.”
Cameron nodded, taking that in. “Is there anything else I should expect?”
“I think we’ve covered the basics. Are you certain that you want this?”
