Page 40 of Thomas
“Hello,” Cameron said, sitting down across from him. “How are you feeling today?”
Thomas smiled weakly, genuinely pleased to bask in the warmth of Cameron’s presence. “I’m alright?—”
“You’ll forgive me for calling your bluff, but I don’t think that’s true.”
Thomas exhaled a weighted breath and reminded himself to be honest. To be vulnerable. “Yes, fine, I am not alright, but I am managing as best I can. Thank you for the striking tulips. That was thoughtful of you.”
“You’re welcome. It’s the very least I could do…”
Beyond the window, the sky was shifting to winter twilight. Pale purples and blues with a smattering of stars above the wispy clouds. Thomas leaned forward and began arranging his side of the chess board. “Mira said you had errands in town this morning,” he began, wanting to fill the weighted silence and distract himself from the heady pull of Cameron’s essence. “Did you accomplish your tasks?”
There was an odd pause where Thomas expected Cameron to respond, but the moment carried on a beat too long. Thomas looked up from the chess board to find Cameron’s light hazel eyes intensely fixed on him.
“Thomas, can we speak candidly about your health?”
Thomas’s hands stilled over the board. They were bony and pale, and he knew how bad he looked. Especially juxtaposedwith such a radiant vampire. Thomas lifted a hand and pushed the heft of his hair away from his forehead. He felt so very pathetic. He didn’t use tobelike this.
“Please?” Cameron said softly. The tenderness in his voice made Thomas want to burst into tears—which then made him want to scream and flip the table and chess board over. Possibly throw some of the pieces. None of it made sense. This wild torrent of emotions pulsing through him.
Not willing to commit to any of those acts, Thomas sat back and rested his palms in his lap. He took another deep breath and blew it out. “Yes…” he said. “What would you like to discuss?”
Cameron shifted to the edge of his seat, his gaze unwavering in the firelight. “Mira has expressed that you might have specific feeding preferences that aren’t being met.”
Thomas withheld his immediate displeasure at the thought of Mira talking about him to Cameron. “Has she now?” Thomas asked. What exactly had she told him?
“She didn’t disclose any specific reasons why,” Cameron went on, damn near reading Thomas’s thoughts, “but she said you might benefit from having a natural source as opposed to feeding from the blood bags. Is this true?”
The atmosphere within the room stilled despite the fire burning and crackling beside them. Thomas didn’t move an inch. “It might be.” Not might. It was absolutely true, but Thomas didn’t know where he was going with this.
Cameron nodded. One of his large palms migrated up to massage the back of his neck, which told Thomas that the man was nervous about whatever was coming next.
“My wish is to help you obtain a natural source. If you desire it, I can speak with Lennon and get his advice—perhaps we can have something arranged with a local purebred? Or, I…” Cameron took a breath as he stared down at the board. “I know that I’m not an ideal choice, but I would be willing to offer myselfas well. I—As the sole instigator of this arrangement, of course it is my responsibility to address your needs. I would be happy to help you, Thomas, but it is your choice.”
Thomas stared at him while Cameron kept his gaze fixed on the chess set between them. He wanted to bite Cameron. Embarrassingly so, he wanted to taste him and confirm his suspicions—that he was already drinking Cameron’s bagged blood.
But the way Cameron had phrased it sent up a red flag within Thomas. He wanted him, but not like this.
“No,” he said simply.
Cameron lifted his gaze. “No? To… to which part?”
“No to you, Cameron. To your offer.”
“Ah,” Cameron said, sitting straighter. “Of course, I—It was very stupid of me to think that you’d find me agreeable?—”
“No,” Thomas reiterated. “You shouldn’t offer yourself to someone because of responsibility. Feeding is… It’s a very intimate and vulnerable act. You’ve disclosed to me that you’ve never experienced it before—and that you don’t particularly care to. With a viewpoint as strong as that, you should only offer yourself if youwantit, Cameron. Not because you feel pity for me, or because I am a troublesome task to check off your to-do list. Do you understand my meaning?”
Yes, Thomas hated feeding from bags, and increasingly, the very thought of it made him want to retch. He might be weak, but he wasn’t so pathetic as this. Exploiting a man who was so accustomed to shouldering every obligation thrown at him that the behavior was second nature, regardless of his personal convictions.
“I do understand,” Cameron said, hesitating. “It feels as if you’re scolding me.”
“I’m not scolding you. I simply—It is clear to me that you’ve been expected to take on many serious responsibilities, and froma young age. You’ve handled them beautifully, as far as I can tell. Butthisshould be where you draw the line. Where you refuse to sacrifice your personal reservations for some perceived sense of duty.”
The room fell silent once more. Cameron sat back and dropped his hand from his neck, blinking and visibly distressed. Thomas thought he should backtrack to clear up any misconceptions.
“And it isn’t that I don’t want you, Cameron. It isn’t that in the least. However, I would never sacrifice your personal boundaries for my well-being?—”
“But I care about your well-being, Thomas. I want you to feel better and I wish to help. Does that mean nothing?”
