Page 20 of Thomas
Not for the first time, Cameron wondered if he’d taken on more than he’d accounted for with Thomas. Yes, he seemed polite and reserved. But what darkness lay hidden beneath the placid, gloomy surface? And what should Cameron do about it—if anything? He wasn’t a hero in a storybook, and he wouldn’t know the first thing about saving anyone, anyhow.
“Speaking of zeal, your sister is a feisty one,” Thomas offered, an obvious attempt to change the heavy subject matter.
“‘Feisty’ feels like a euphemism for ‘pain in the ass,’” Cameron returned, rubbing his temples.
Thomas huffed. “She wants to throw us a party. She is right, you know. Sensibly speaking, the citizens within Upper Avalon will want to offer their congratulatory sentiments to their local lord. It’s ingrained in them to do so. Avoiding it might cause you more headache later on.”
Cameron met his gaze. “More headache than a boisterous and ostentatious party?”
“Mm. At least with the party, it’s one and done. Everyone will bombard you all at once, then it’s over with. If not, residents will try to congratulate you in their own individual ways—invitations to dinner, lunch or tea. Smaller, private banquets thrown in your honor to curry favor. Letters and cards being sent that will, of course, warrant a gracious letter or card of ‘thanks’ in return. The procession of congratulatory acts could last for months?—”
“Alright, okay, I understand.” Cameron’s hand had migrated to the back of his neck, massaging with more intensity the longer Thomas spoke. “My fear is that a party will allow more onlookersin, which inevitably means more pressure. Moreexpectations. I’ve been honest with you in that I primarily made this arrangement because I was pressured to do so. Not because I have grandiose notions about bonding or love or status or whatever the hell else vampires usually do this for.”
Hearing himself, Cameron snapped his eyes open and lifted his head. “No offense, of course. Please don’t take offense to any of that.”
“None taken.” Thomas shrugged. “You are correct. There are many preconceived notions surrounding bonding arrangements, each one differing wildly from one vampire to the next. Attending a party will put us under a microscope, at least for a short time. Will they mate?Canthey form a bond? How long will it take? This is the usual fodder. Eventually, everyone’s attention will shift to the next salacious news item and we’ll be all but forgotten.”
Impressed, Cameron’s mouth quirked up into a smile. “You’re quite intuitive about this—the social workings and norms of the aristocracy. I’m not surprised, though.”
Thomas returned his slight smile, his eyebrows lifting. “Thank you.”
Reassure him, Cameron told himself. He needed to stop beating around the bush. Maybe if Cameron clarified the sex issue, Thomas would know that he could feel at ease within their home. Even though he’d been brought here without his consent, Cameron would offer him a comfortable life as long as they respected each other’s needs.
“Speaking of bonding, do you mind if we address the issue of sex?”
Thomas’s face and body went noticeably still. “If you’d like.”
Cameron took a breath. “You’ve admitted to me that you lack a certain zeal about life. My sincerest hope is that you will regain it, somehow, and with that… when the time comes and you feel emotionally inclined to desire someone, please rest assured thatI am not opposed to you taking a lover for your pleasure. You are free to explore and fulfill your sexual desires, Thomas. I would not hold you back. I’d simply ask that you refrain from parading strangers through the estate, or hosting any parties. Discretion would be preferred. Otherwise, truly, I do not mind at all.”
There. He’d said it and made things clear. Cameron hoped that this would serve as even more ammunition for Thomas to stay with him. They didn’t need to dissolve the arrangement, did they? Thomas could get to know Cameron and feel safe and secure. He could lead a good life here.
Thomas sat motionless, watching him and blinking his pale eyes. The anxiety in Cameron’s chest pulsed and tightened. “Is this agreeable for you?” he asked, fingering the collar of his sweater. It suddenly felt as if it was choking him.
“You… have given this a lot of thought, I see,” Thomas said.
“I-I am not an unreasonable vampire,” Cameron said impulsively. “I am strange, but I do understand that most other vampires have intimate needs to be fulfilled. You are young, intelligent and bright. You should enjoy yourself when the timing is?—”
“With all due respect, Lord Ashford, I am bitter and weary,” Thomas disputed, his face hard and emotionless. “While I appreciate your very flexible perspective, the mere notion of ‘taking a lover’ feels preposterous to me. You needn’t worry.”
A stiff silence settled over the table. Cameron knew that he was terrible at social decorum, but this moment seemed to emphasize the point. Somehow, he’d bungled this severely.
“It was not my intention to make you angry,” Cameron said softly.
“I’m not angry. I’m… I just…” Thomas breathed a defeated sigh and ran a palm down his face to cover his mouth. He glanced off. Cameron waited, but he said nothing more.
It was clear that Cameron had upset him. He didn’t know what to do or say to make it right. He should probably apologize, for starters. “Thomas, I?—”
“If it’s alright with you, I’d like to retire to my rooms for the day. Do you mind?” His eyes were glassy when they flicked over to Cameron, the tear ducts threatening to overflow at any moment.
With his throat tight, Cameron nodded. “Of course not. Please let us know if you need anything. Anything at all.”
Thomas stood. He offered a shallow bow, but as he lifted his head and turned, Cameron caught sight of the tears spilling over and onto his cheeks.
Chapter Eight
The day before Thomas and Dawn had planned to elope and take the ferry to England, the weather had been beautiful. Spring had settled in and the air was warm but with a chill breeze that carried the scent of flowers and green earth.
They’d snuck away together late into the night and beneath a clear, star-dusted sky. Thomas had arranged for them to stay one night in a cabin at the seaside. Their ferry was scheduled to leave very early the next morning.
