Page 149 of Vampires of Eden
Maneuvering around a cherry pit in my mouth, I lift my gaze.
Alexander sits beside me with his legs folded, still in his bathrobe. Buffy is curled up and sleeping in a patch of sunlight on the floor near the glass balcony doors. Alexander runs his fingers through the top of his hair to sweep it back. “I’ve fed from you twice, so I was wondering if you needed to feed? Raphael said that the blood boutique might have first-gen blood for you—or whatever you want. If you need something…” He trails off, flicking his beautiful golden-brown eyes down and toward the tray set beside us.
I don’t want random first-gen blood.
I wanthim.
Every inclination within my body and nature screams for me to feed from him. Further,heneeds it from me. We’re finally on the same page, but I can sense the insecurity in Alexander’s actions. His need to please me because he doesn’t know my mind.
He’s given me access to his heart and nature, but mine are shrouded in mystery because of my weakened state. My eyes haven’t alighted for him. I haven’t pulled from him and intimately infused my thoughts into his psyche in the way that would reassure him of my love.
I know that I should. I want to, but…
Doeshewant me to? And am I truly ready to let go and commit myself to another purebred? The pull between us grows stronger with each passing day. How can I keep denying it? Why should I?
“I don’t need that,” I say kindly. “Thank you for the offer. I had a bag yesterday afternoon before I came here, so I’m alright.”
Alexander nods. “Sure, I just wanted to make sure… I’ve said the word ‘sure’ too many times but you get what I’m saying.”
I huff, reaching for another cherry.
“May I ask, where do you get bags from?”
“From Roland and Kathryn. I’m their first blood customer. Before that, a servant from the Álvarez estate would visit the cottage and feed me, but that was hard because she couldn’t come very often. This current situation is much better. More reliable.”
“That’s good,” he says in earnest. “I’m glad you have some stability. That’s important with feeding—as we both know, painfully well.”
An awkward rest sits between us as I roll a cherry between my fingertips. He hasn’t offered himself, but I want to broach the subject of feeding from him. We should absolutely talk about it if we’re going to walk this path.
“I know you haven’t offered,” I begin, taking a shallow breath, “but the thought of feeding from you?—”
Alexander abruptly raises his palms as if he’s surrendering. “I-I didn’t say anything about me! I was worried about you. I alreadyknow how you feel about purebred blood, so it’s alright. The disdain you feel would pour into me if you fed, so it’s probably better for both of us if you didn’t anyway.”
I stare, blinking and with my brow furrowed. “May I finish what I was going to say?”
He nods. “Yes… sorry.”
When I exhale this time, it’s weighted. “I was going to say that the thought of feeding from you excites me. I don’t hold any disdain toward you, Alexander. None whatsoever.”
He chuckles. “You say that, but if there’sanythingunpleasant in your head when you feed from me, I’ll feel it. I think my heightened sensitivity for alcohol is the same as perceiving another vampire’s intentions pouring into me. One time, Oliver…” Alexander rolls his shoulders and glances away. “I’m sorry. I should really stop bringing him up.”
“It’s okay,” I encourage. “Tell me.”
He meets my eyes. “He fed from my neck once because I asked him to and… he tried to make it nice. To hide his real feelings, but I could still feel his displeasure when he fed. Like eating a piece of pie and something feels off, you know? Too bitter. Or maybe one ingredient was rotten.”
Damn. Why does it feel like I’m constantly cleaning up after some mess that Oliver has made? “Understood. But… would you be comfortable with me feeding from you? Would you be willing to offer yourself to me?”
Purebreds are taught that their blood is sacred. That they should only ever offer themselves to those they deem worthy. At the very least, I want to know where I stand, given his elite upbringing.
“Danny, I would give you anything that you asked for.Anything. But if you’re not ready, that’s fine. I would never rush or force my will on you. For all the reasons—yours and mine.”
I slip the cherry I’ve been playing with into my mouth and exhale a sigh. I didn’t say I wasn’t ready. I said that I was excited, because I want to feed from him and show him what’s in myhead and heart. That there’s no disdain. Nothing bitter nor rotten.
I would simply fill him with the glow and wonder that words can’t express. A love that can only be given with time, detail and attention. Passion, consistency and truth.
The temptation to tell him that I’m not Oliver again is overwhelming. It doesn’t help when I do that, so I keep my mouth shut.
“I don’t know what it is,” Alexander says, captivated, “but something about the way you eat these cherries… the strawberries too, when we were on the couch.”
