Page 140 of Vampires of Eden
He nods, taking hold of the kettle and pouring tea into my cup. “More often than not. It helps me decompress after a big social event. Usually, I’m alone. Sometimes, Raph sits with me and we talk. Or someone from the kitchen staff will join me. They’re great. They always make sure something is prepped in the fridge so I can grab stuff when I get home.”
“Is it difficult for you to be in large socialsettings?” I ask, bringing the chai to my lips. I take a tentative sip and it is indeed comforting. Spiced perfection.
“Maybe, but I’ve only recently noticed how taxing it is. I can do it, you know? I’m good at it. Schmoozing and working a crowd. But afterward, I want to come home and hibernate for days. Eat cozy foods and binge watchBuffy. I’ve never been given much time to do that, though. Especially when the engagement rituals with Oliver were in full-swing—oh shit. That’s what I keep meaning to tell you!”
“Go on.”
“Oliver came here today. That’s why Raph called you.”
This revelation and the fact that it slipped his mind makes me pause in my relaxed grazing. I fold my arms and listen as Alexander recounts Oliver’s surprise visit.
I understand why Raphael called me. Undoubtedly, he was expecting some kind of dramatic relapse of Alexander’s emotional and mental well-being. That he’d fall back into the confused, depressive and bitter state he was in when he and I were bickering with each other.
Maybe Raphael hasn’t witnessed Alexander’s healing process the way that I have? The slow warming and reopening of his heart. The steady introspection and subsequent understanding.
Listening to him retell the meeting, it’s clear that he was ready for it. Not only that, he seems to have benefitted from it in some perceptible way.
“So yeah, that’s basically it,” Alexander says, casually breaking off a piece of apple crumb cake with his fork. His free hand lovingly rests on Buffy’s back. Why am I jealous of this fucking cat? “Raph freaked the hell out for no reason. I guess I don’t blame him—but the truth is, I feel lighter after the visit. It was good for me.”
“Oliver gave you a sense of closure,” I say, having finished my own cake and two cups of chai. I reach for a couple cherries. “That’s an important part of the healing process, if you can get it.”
“Were you able to get closure with Josefina?”
“For me, it was more about acceptance than closure. Just letting it be and not dwelling on what happened between us… In a way, you’ve given me closure.”
“Really? How so?”
I pop a cherry into my mouth and let the sweet flavor flood my senses as I consider, then speak around the pit. “I told myself that I was fine. That I had forgiven her for the part she played in deceiving me. But the hostility I felt toward both you and Oliver when you showed up at the cottage was an obvious and frustrating sign that I had not truly healed. I’d only secured myself within the safety of a purebred-free bubble—aside from Leoni, of course—so, it seemed like I was okay. And maybe I was, but… obviously, I still had a lot that I needed to work through.”
Alexander leans over Buffy to rest his elbow against the wooden top of the island. His chin is in his palm as he watches me intently. “That’s a relief to hear. I worry that I’m always making things more difficult for you.”
“No. You’re always making my life better.” I take two more cherries because these things are really good.
He smiles. Maybe it’s the dim lighting, but it seems as if his eyes keep lingering on my mouth as I eat. Once I discard the pits, I take a deep breath. “She never fed from me when we were together. Not once.”
Alexander’s brows rise in disbelief. “Josefina?”
“Yes,” I say quietly. “If ever there was a telltale sign that she was not serious about me, it was that. But I… I kept telling myself that she needed time. Even after years of avoiding it, I made excuses for her like an idiot. I was feeding from her regularly, but she never once desired me that way. What you did this morning—the way you indulged and gave me such beautiful…”
I pause, truly at a loss for words. The recollection of his soft and loving thoughts swells within my chest, making my throat tight.
Sensing my emotional anguish, Alexander lifts, upsettingBuffy and allowing her to jump down from his lap before he leans across the distance and kisses me. A sweet, concentrated peck against my lips once, then twice before he rests his forehead against mine.
For every red flag and warning signal Josefina gave me, Alexander offers a green one in its place. Not just green. Golden. Wholesome and true. His love and affections aren’t unblemished. He’s been hurt before, too, so he’s cautious.
This makes me trust him even more. That I’m not some thoughtless action, deviant curiosity or fleeting sensation. Far from it.
These lofty and romantic words are hard to express, so I meet his gaze and tell him what I want instead. “May I stay the night with you?”
“Of course,” he responds, smiling sweetly.
“Can we fuck?”
Alexander starts and huffs as his cheeks blaze. He tumbles back down onto his stool, grinning. “‘Let’s take it slowly’ has left the building.”
“I know we said that, but then we hadreallydelicious sex this morning. If you’re not ready to do more, we don’t have to?—”
“I’m ready, it’s just… just know that I’m fairly novice when it comes to these things.”
