Page 107 of Vampires of Eden
The hard part is accepting it. To shamelessly embrace what it’s telling me.
Everything about my interaction with Oliver felt organized and controlled. From the start, he was neatly presented to me as a profile in a professionally-bound dossier. Like the catalog for a high-end furniture brand. My parents said, “Here. These are the most suitable décor options for the home we’ve established. Pick whichever one you like.”
And so, I did.
This situation with Daniel is completely different.
With him, it’s like I’ve been thrown into the wilderness. No catalog, no rules, no parameters. My nature is feral and doing whatever the fuck it pleases and I really… I don’t know how to handle this. For a lot of reasons.
Our ranks are different. He says he doesn’t despiseme anymore, but there’s lingering resentment toward purebreds in general, without question. As there should be, given what he’s been through.
Daniel is also older—not old by any means, but definitely more mature than me. More experienced.
On paper, nothing about us matches up.
But when we talk… When we’re sitting together and his hand is in mine, it just feelsgood. Right, somehow. Daniel is like a river to me, flowing dark and sweet under a moonlit autumn sky and reflected in the stars.
What do I do with these feelings sparking through my body? My nature has a lot of fucking nerve—like it exists inside of me, but it’s also much braver than me and what I’m actually capable of.
And how far does this go? How much does Danny like me? Enough to hold my hand and sit with me. Enough to have these meaningful conversations where we peel back the complicated layers of our lives.
Enough to kiss me?
To become part of my complicated and demanding social life in Central Eden?
What about sex? Feeding and mating?
I’ve only had sex a couple of times and it was not great. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I went in, pretending as if I did because I wanted Oliver to be confident in me. I couldneverpull that shit with Daniel. He’d see right through me and it’d be a disaster.
I want to listen to my nature, but it feels like it’ll only lead us both to ruin. If I lean into this instinct and let it sweep me away… If I let myself fall in love with Daniel and intrinsically desire him, where will I end up?
Broken again. Crying at random. Not wanting to get out of bed.
I finally feel like I’m a little bit whole. Slowly, day by day, I’ve been pieced back together. The lines and cracks are stillpronounced, but I’m functioning. I wish my nature would be grateful for this much and recognize how far I’ve come.
Why is it demanding more? Why does it want something that’s impossible?
“Sex is overrated.” Frowning, Daniel lays the unfolded paper with the simple statement near the basket he pulled it from. He considers, then grabs one of the three open bottles of wine and pours himself a generous serving. “Disagree.” He sets the bottle down and takes hold of his glass. I watch as he swirls the liquid and dips his face to the rim. He inhales. “The notes are blackberry and cacao?”
“Spot on,” Leoni says, smiling. “You’re getting so good at this.”
“That card was yours.”
She shrugs. “Duh. It’s not a secret that I feel that way. But itisan unpopular opinion. Alexander?” Leoni turns to me expectantly and with her eyebrow raised. “Agree or disagree?”
I stare at the basket full of our “unpopular opinions” centered in the table. It’s the end of week one, and part of my vineyard education program is wine tasting. Leoni has combined this task with my welcome party. Daniel also made a delicious vegan pesto, spinach and tomato pasta.
Somehow, the tasting has turned into a drinking game that they like to play when a third vampire is around. “This got racy fast,” I comment, lifting an eyebrow. “And I’m serious—I’m silly when I drink. Raphael thinks I’m missing the normal vampiric chromosome that makes me immune to the effects of alcohol.”
“You don’t have to answer the question if you don’t want to,” Daniel says coolly, then lifts his glass to his lips. When he finishes, his lilac eyes land on me once more. “No pressure.”
“You can be silly here, Puercoespín,” Leoni says. “I hope you know that this is a safe space for you. We don’t judge.”
“I know.” Truly, I do feel safe here, and the atmosphere is welcoming and humble in a way I’ve never experienced anywhere else.
“Did you know that I turned down three official arrangements?” Leoni asks.
Blinking, I sit up straighter in my chair. My voice jumps an octave because I’m genuinely shocked. “Three? How the fuck did you get away withthat?”
