Page 82 of Vampires of Eden: Oliver
“But I’m not sorry,” I say, looking up at him in earnest. “I’ve been apologizing for everything, every day of my entire life, but with this? I don’t regret anything that I’ve done.” We stare at each other in an emotional stand-off. I don’t move or flinch. Neither does he. Eventually, I turn back to the computer and carry on.
Alexander sighs. “You’re a bold creature, Oliver Blakeley. Fucking formidable.”
I keep typing, but I realize that Alexander is the third vampire to make this declaration. Sasha said I was brave. Aries called me tenacious and said I was stronger than I realized. Maybe I don’t give myself enough credit?
“What are you doing?” Alexander asks.
“I’m just… wondering what I could do to earn money if I became free. Or where I could live. I need resources because I’ve never actually taken care of myself, so I think I would need some sort of help. Especially with feeding.” This time, Alexander is silent for a beat too long. I look up at him. “What is it?”
“Formidable,” he repeats. “I can’t believe you’re sitting here and looking up ways to run away—right in front of me.”
“You told me that I could be honest. I thought we’d talked this through.”
“That doesn’t mean I totally accept it. That I’m going to aid and abet you in this insane pipe dream!”
I drop my hands from the keyboard and exhale a sigh. Why did I think that he understood me? “Right. I’m sorry—”
“Ah God, just don’t, alright?Fuck, Ollie.” He turns, rubbing his palms against his face as he sits against the edge of the desk. “Don’t go all obedient purebred robot on me.”
Sitting here, it feels like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Just when I thought we’d come to some sort of consensus.
“You—you probably won’t need resources or whatever,” Alexander says, massaging the back of his neck with his eyes clenched shut. “If you decide to leave, they’ll banish and strip you of your title, but you’re still purebred, you know? They’ll set you up decently. That’s what they did with my cousin Leoni when she refused her mating arrangement.”
Leoni. Why does that name sound familiar? “Did they?” I ask. “In what way? What happened?”
Alexander sighs, dropping his shoulders and opening his eyes. “Like I said, she refused her arrangement, so her mother banished her to the outskirts of Eden. She has a cottage there and she gets some support. But her life is really simple. She’s an outcast. A social pariah. She probably prefers it that way, though, knowing her.”
Something in me brightens. I’d definitely prefer that kind of arrangement, too. “Do they provide a feeding source for her?”
“Don’t know. I haven’t actually spoken to her since it happened. I just heard about it from my father. My point is, you don’t need to have everything figured out. You’ll probably still be looked after in some significant ways.”
I sit back against the chair, considering. Truthfully, I don’t know what will happen if I formally refuse this arrangement. It’s illegal to enforce corporal punishment, so that isn’t a realistic fear. Still, the memory of Thomas that day, and even more recently, the things he said… it makes me wary.
Never trust a word that vampire says. Nothing.
“Your father is a wild card,” Alexander goes on in my contemplation. “He may just banish you, or… I don’t know. It’ll probably help if I corroborate this decision—if I say we’ve both decided it and that it’s not just you.”
I lift my head, hopeful. “Would you be willing to do that?”
He looks away. “I don’t know yet.”
“Well, thank you for considering it… and for telling me about your cousin. It’s helpful.”
Alexander pushes up from the desk. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s head to the dining room for lunch. You can use the computer whenever you want this week. Feel free.”
Feel free. Odd choice of words. It makes me laugh. “Thanks.”
“I mean it, Ollie.” Alexander stops and turns to face me. “If you want to come down here in your spare time and read, use the computer, whatever, it’s okay. You’re not a prisoner in this house. Not around me.”
I appreciate Alexander’s intent. I do. But even my being in this house isn’t my choice. What he doesn’t understand is that my life is a prison. I exist, therefore I am a prisoner.
“Thank you,” is all I say. There’s no use in ruining the mood again. We’re standing on shaky ground as it is.
With each passing day, I grow more detached from this life. My patience for it sinks lower and lower. A heavy stone drifting and descending to the bottom of the ocean.
All week long—through brunches, dinners, meetings and neighborhood tours—I’ve played my part. I’ve been amicable and kind. Listening and observing more than talking.
Something about our candid conversations lately has caused my perspective of Alexander to shift, just slightly. As we perform our duties together, for the first time, I’m not annoyed. I’ve always thought of Alexander’s sparkly public façade as fake—his bright, buoyant smile and affable demeanor.
