Page 41 of Vampires of Eden: Oliver
Stepping back, I twist my wrists free from Aries’s grip. A stark moment of tension sits between us before I shake my head. I can’t breathe. “I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“I-I don’t know… I should go back, I think.” The embarrassment throbs like a wound in my chest. Suddenly, I feel so painfully pathetic and the darkness of it floods my being. Turning, I head toward the door because I can’t face him anymore. What the hell have I been thinking?
“Oliver.”
Breathless, the familiar panic carries me forward and accelerates my steps. But the moment I wrap my hand around the doorknob, Aries collides into my back, enveloping me with his solidity, heat and fragrance and stopping my movement.
“Why are you running away from me?”
“Because I—I don’t know!” My body trembles with shame. The heat of it flashes in my face, making tears well up in my eyes as I clench them shut. God. Before this moment, I don’t think I’ve ever cried over anything in my life. When you’re numb and raised to be a purebred robot, what is there to cry about?
My hand is gripped around the doorknob and I just want to escape. It’s like when my eyes alighted that first time and I didn’t want to face him.
Aries wraps his arms around my waist to hold me even tighter. His lips brush my ear. “Don’t run away. Please talk to me?”
He waits, embracing me until my pulse slows. It’s as if I’m being hypnotized by his nearness. His earthen, sweet scent is a narcotic, morphing my anxiety inside into a meditative calm.
I lose track of how long it takes, but eventually, I open my watery eyes and speak into the ambient silence. “I’m ashamed.”
“Why?”
“Because I’malwaysashamed. I always feel embarrassed, out of place and uncomfortable, and I don’t know why I do what they say. I… I don’t want my life to be like this, but I’m afraid, Aries! It’s easier to be bold with you because you give me the space to do so. You don’t make me feel like a bug you’ll squash the second I speak my mind—the way Lord Blakeley has my entire life.”
I take a deep breath before I go on. The words spill out like an exorcism of all my fears and doubts. “And how could I possibly survive if I ran away? What would happen if I refused to play along with this ridiculous charade? I’m so…weak. I complain, but I’m too scared to actually do something about it.”
For a long moment, Aries doesn’t say anything, and I’m glad. Admitting all of this aloud is strangely cathartic. I dream of being free, but I’m also afraid of the cost and consequences. I hate myself for that.
“I know what I am,” I whisper. Aries snakes his arms around my waist a little tighter, melding his chest to my spine. “I’m just a silly, obedient poodle for Lord Blakeley and Alexander to fling around. Everyone knows and I don’t usually care, but… I don’t want you to see me that way.”
“None of what you’ve just said even remotely describes how I see you, because you are none of those things, Oliver.”
He’s being kind, because this is who Aries is. “Then what am I?” I ask. Maybe I want him to prove me wrong?
“In my eyes, you are deeply intuitive and thoughtful. You are an intelligent and creative vampire who’s been suppressed and told that you have no power, and that your desires are invalid. This manipulation is wrong. They have intimidated you to the point where you believe these falsehoods about yourself. They are lies, darling. None of it is true.”
Dropping my hand from the doorknob, I wrap my arms around Aries’s as he holds me. I want to believe him, and maybe deep down, I know that he’s right. He’s helping to unearth some irrefutable truth that’s been buried under layers of shame, confusion and frustration.
“Why a poodle?” Aries asks suddenly. “Why that animal, specifically?”
“Sasha jokes that I’m Lord Blakeley’s golden poodle. Alexander calls me a horse… among other things.”
“Lies. Ridiculous lies.”
He feels…good, behind me like this. Solid and powerful. My thoughts are like a snake slithering down into a hole and my nature is writhing around, licentious and warm. Demanding things and conjuring lurid images that I’ve never thought about or desired before.
Taking control of these wanton sensations, I wipe my face and turn within his arms. He gives me space as I rest with my back against the door and take a breath. “Believe it or not, I didn’t follow you in here to have a mental breakdown. That wasn’t my plan.”
Aries grins, leaning with his palms flattened on either side of my shoulders. “I don’t think anyone ever ‘plans’ to have a mental breakdown. They are impulsive events, by nature?”
“Right…” I say, chuckling. Lowering my head, I stare at the beautiful, satiny pattern inside of his jacket, then reach out to touch and pinch it with my fingertips. “I love this.”
“Do you?”
I nod. “Yes. It’s unexpected and… gallant? Classy. It’s very you.”
“Thank you, darling.”
