Page 108 of The Awakening
Holy shit, that’s embarrassing. Christ. I lean back, trying to break his hold on me. “No.I—I wouldn’t ever ask you to—”
“Jae.” His voice is soft, but he holds my head firm in his grasp, bringing our faces even closer. “Even if you don’t say the words, or try to deny it, I know thetruthand how you really feel. It’s all around us… You said you forgave me, but why are you still pushing me away like this? It’s confusing, sunshine.”
“It’s difficult—being this open and transparent.”
“Because you’re afraid?”
“Yes.”
He leans in again, pressing a swift kiss to my lips. “I understand. But I promise you don’t need to be.” Jun looks into my eyes, hesitating. “May I taste you? Technically, it’s improper for me to ask you that question. I’m not supposed to, and I should wait for you to offer yourself to me. But I really just—”
I lift one hand from his waist and grip his chin so he stops talking, then I meet his gaze. “Yes.”
He’s right. I said I wanted to try and that I’ve forgiven him, but I’m still trying to protect myself. I’m guarded. That doesn’t work, though, does it? You either love all the way or you don’t bother. Half-assing it won’t do either of us any good. It’d be pointless.
I’m surprised when Jun brings a trembling hand up to catch mine from holding his chin. This person who’s always so cool, composed and unbothered is unraveled right now. I don’t know how, but I can feel his hunger and desire for me—the depth and sincerity in his eyes when they meet mine.
He places my palm against his nose and inhales deeply before he licks the center. He tilts his head and bites down softly, then his fangs elongate and sink deep into my skin as he pulls and feeds. His eyes are closed at first, and he exhales a deep sigh, moaning with… relief? When he opens his eyes again and stares directly at me, I allow myself this moment. To completely trust him. I reach back to that feeling hovering at the edges of my psyche—that day when I first woke up to this new life and I had zero doubts about anything. Only promise and hope were stretched out before me.
Meeting his gaze, the stiffness in my chest softens. I might be insecure about this later, but right now, as he pulls from me and I nourish and give him the life he needs, I have faith in him. That he won’t walk away from me again.
Just as my body is relaxing, something jolts from within my core, and it terrifies me because it’s so unexpected. Jun stops feeding, looking at me as if he’s waiting for something. I open my mouth to speak but I can’t, because the heat inside me returns, but the dial is set to a hundred. A blazing inferno. My body goes rigid, but Jun pulls me in and holds me tight in his embrace, grounding me—or us—through whatever is happening. All I can do is watch as my energy shifts, deliberately pulling Jun’s amethyst aura from his body. I can literally see the two colors converging and seeping into each other, like two shades of paint being mixed to create a new, brilliant hue.
When the colors are fused and one, the energy slowly shrinks down, pouring into us both like osmosis. It feels warm and liquidy as it seeps into me, and when it’s finally finished, there’s a heavy weight in my core. I still can’t move because it’s doing something. Adjusting? Like a bird settling into a new nest.
Eventually, the stiff weight lessens and my body goes lax, but Jun is still holding me in his embrace as I gasp—desperate to suck in air and swallow. His breathing is labored too, but he never lets me go. Not even for a second.
Forty-Eight
Junichi
It’s done. No more games.
I feel like an empty mug that’s been poured into—filled with something rich, warm and more satisfying than anything I could fathom. To describe it would only shortchange Jae and his essence. The complexity and goodness of what he’s given me.
But I also feel like a jackass, because I’ve been running away from this my entire life, and I even ran away from Jae for months. He’s been offering me—a dying man—restoration and fulfillment, genuine love and refuge from an otherwise toxic and painful existence. A life where I’ve starved myself on a regular basis and willingly depended on someone who abused me because I thought there was no better option. I turned Jae down, blinded by my own stubbornness, prejudices and assumptions.
Fucking stupid.
The weight of the bond between us dissolves, warmly distributing itself all throughout my body. It’s not heavy like an anchor. It was at first, but now it’s dispersed, and I feel it running all through me like liquid feathers. It’s incredible.
Jae lifts up from me and I loosen my hold on his body. I wanted this. I was ready for it. I know he was, too (somewhere inside, maybe deep down), because if he wasn’t, it wouldn’t have happened. But I’m preparing myself for a freak-out, because that’s his MO.
He’s staring down at my tie but not really looking at it. I slide my hands to his elbows and wait, watching him. He takes a deep breath. “Did I just…”
“Didwe?” I correct. “Yes.”
There’s a long pause before he sits up a little straighter. Now I’m holding his wrists. He finally looks up at me. His eyes aren’t alighted anymore, but they’re still warm and celestial. Also, confused. “Are we bonded?”
“Yes.”
“I… I thought you needed to have sex to bond?”
I’ve actually given this situation a lot of thought, so I’m not very surprised by it. “Well, yes. That’s a requirement—along with other things between us that are more important. Plus, we had sex and fed from each other formonths, Jae. You hadn’t fully awakened, but… It’s like we took advantage of the thirty-day free trial, and now it’s time to pay up?”
“Did you just compare our relationship to a marketing strategy?”
I look away to poorly conceal my amusement. “I did.” The moment he first woke up in Haruka and Nino’s house, I felt it. The pull toward him was way too strong, and he was so open and trustful, his energy was practically reaching out for me. I think if I had fed from him that day—bam. It would have happened. But maybe not? I don’t know. I wasn’t ready.
