Page 9 of The Awakening
“Wow.” Nino blinks, lifting his beer to his mouth. I shake my head, dismissive.
“That’s not true.”
“Itis, Jun.” Asao grins. “You dumped a new client last week because he was getting too rigid in his custom order. You do it all the time! You’re just lucky that you’re wealthy and good-looking enough to get away with it. And that’s really why you don’t ever want to bond—because you can’t control that kind of situation. Because you can’ttrustand be vulnerable with anyone.”
“Shit!Relax, old man.” I hold my palms up against the full-frontal assault. “I came here for a damn beer—not to be psychoanalyzed. God.” I roll my shoulders again. Nino is laughing.
Asao smirks. “I just call it like I see it.”
“Keep ‘it’to yourself.”
“You don’t want to bond? I didn’t know that,” Nino says. His innocent amber eyes are blinking at me like he couldn’t possibly understand. Of course he can’t. He’s mated with the love of his life, and their bond triggered on the first try. That shit is unheard of—like playing golf for the first time and getting a hole in one on the first swing. The stars practically aligned for them. But they’re the exception, not the norm.
“I don’t want to bond, but I’m not opposed to a healthy long-term relationship. I’ve had quite a few with some lovely humans over the years… Dammit.” I pick up my glass and tip my head back to finish the golden liquid.
Asao’s face is smug. “That’s why he only has relationships with humans, Nino. Can’t bond with humans. And being a ranked vamp, you always have the upper hand, too. You’re always the one in control.”
I grimace. “You’re really on one today.”
He wiggles his eyebrows at me.
Asao is wrong. It isn’t about me controlling people.Ijust don’t want to be controlled and forever beholden to anyone.
This is my worst nightmare: I’ll look up and be in a situation with someone who outranks me. Who is controlling and manipulating every aspect of my life. That I’ll be miserable and stuck like that until one of us dies—which is exactly what happened to my mother.
Five
Jae
Why does holding a person’s hand feel more intimate than sex? What does that say about us as complex, physiological beings? I’ve had sex with quite a few people and vampires over the years, but I cannot remember the last time I held hands with someone (and what does that say about me?).
Right now, this is all I can think about as I walk into the flashy banquet hall. There are crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and illuminated ice sculptures. Waiters with silver trays of champagne and hors d’oeuvres. It’s impressive. Equally impressive is Lucy in her fitted black dress. She’s standing at my side as my date for the gala tonight.
Lucy is a dietician and works a few floors down from me at the hospital. Human. Not vampiric at all. I was speaking to a lost hospital patient in Korean one day and she happened to be walking by. I had the language he needed but not the actual sense of knowledge to tell him where to go, so she stepped in. She grew up in America—Korean-American. We’ve been dating (mostly having sex?) off and on. Dating is hard for doctors. Sometimes it’s easiest to get straight to the point.
We’ve been casually sleeping together, but it feelsveryweird to try and hold her hand. I won’t, even though it’s literally the dominant thought in my mind right now. Lucy often tells me that I’m, quote, “cute but kind of sexy.” I don’t quite understand how that works, but I like her so I’ll take it.
“Hey.” Lucy gently bumps my shoulder with her own. We’re the same height tonight because she’s wearing heels. “Your vampire friends are coming.”
I look up, and Sora and Kosuke are walking toward me. They’re dressed up and cleanly put together, like a couple in a model home advert. Sora’s hair is down tonight, which is nice. Usually, she has it tied back or in a massive bun.
“Hi, Jae.” Sora smiles. Kosuke, her mate, offers a friendly nod. “It’s Lucy, right?” Sora asks.
“Yes… Tell me your name again? I’m so sorry.” Lucy’s smile is awkward. Privately, I know she has weird feelings about vampires. She doesn’t understand how or why I work with them every day. She told me she’d be terrified that one would haul off and bite her. I told her they don’t typically do stuff like that—that most ranked vamps probably think she’d taste disgusting. I also told her not to believe everything she sees on the Internet or in films.
We all engage in the typical banal small talk until an announcement is made. The formal presentation is about to begin. The lead CFO who helped this hospital reach its current success is retiring, and a new chap is being ushered in. Normally, I wouldn’t care. I’m here on a grant and my position is only guaranteed for a year, depending on growth and need since this area has seen a major influx in vampires recently. I’m running a test program for the hospital to see if my services are valuable, which is why I’m apprehensive about pitching a major, potentially expensive long-term project.
I’ve been getting more and more patients though, and this surrogate proposal could launch the hospital into an innovative space pertaining to vampires. Not many hospitals uniquely cater to vampires’ needs (because their bodies are complex and self-sufficient), but we could become an authority on something very important and topical to an old, powerful race of creatures. So I’m paying attention tonight, wondering who I’ll need to present my idea to once I have it fleshed out.
We all decide to sit at the same table. It’s round with a thick white tablecloth and a full, Western-style dinner setting: porcelain plates and butter dishes, crystal glasses and cutlery all gleaming in the dim purplish lighting. The centerpieces are stunning white orchids. Lucy is sitting on my left and Sora on my right. The latter leans into me.
“I didn’t know you were dating Lucy?”
I shrug. “It’s fairly new.” Are we dating? We picked up food from the corner shop once on our way back to my place from the hospital. Maybethisis our first proper date?
“Hm. I thought you might like Junichi. He certainly seemed interested in you.”
My stomach clenches from the mere mention of his name. Christ. I scratch the back of my head because I’m not sure how to respond.
