Page 59 of The Awakening
“I always imagined you’d be chuffed to hear me say that, and then we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other. We’d have awkward, bumbling but sincere sex since I’ve never done it properly with another man, then we’d fight my parents and the world at large. It was my dramatic opening line. It was supposed to change everything between us.”
I exhale a breath, considering. “Honestly? Fuck that book—and your line.” Fuck bumbling, awkward sex too. I’m getting too old for that shit, and Jun has essentially ruined me for it.
Cyrus scoffs. “Whatever. In those books, one bloke is alwaysveryrich and the other embarrassingly poor. I could never decide which one was me or you, since we both grew up properly middle-class. Neither of us is white, either. They’re almost always white—”
“You don’t see the issue in your basing our relationship off erotica novels with mainstream plot devices?” I ask, folding my arms. “Feeding me lines from them?”
Cyrus shrugs. “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“Well… you should try it again—on a different man, I mean. Some guys will really be into that—”
“Shut up.” Cyrus pouts. “It only works thefirsttime, doesn’t it? Have you slept with that leggy bloke? That fucking posh vampire. What rank is he? What’s his ethnicity?”
So many awkward questions. I avoid the first one. “First-gen. Why does his ethnicity matter?”
“Because I want to know!” Cyrus sneers, bitter. “You’ve totally fucked him. Don’t even bother answering, you twat.”
Twenty-Seven
Jae
In the end, Cyrus stayed for five days. Which, honestly, is four days longer than I’d hoped.
His confession started off lighthearted and fairly ridiculous—quoting lines at me from his secret stash of erotica novels. But as the days went on, he opened up more about it and his feelings ran shockingly deep.
It started when I told him I was sorry for ruining his “gay holiday.” He didn’t find that humorous. I guess I should have known better because that’s one of the problems with us. WheneverIjoke withhim, it never lands. He always gets mad and starts fighting with me. Meanwhile, he says whatever the hell he wants to me, and I take it. Let it roll off my back time after time.
That was probably his fantasy—that I’d always be his little sidekick and take whatever trite crap he threw at me, smiling and happy because at least we were finally together. My best mate, a straight guy, has turned gay for me. He wants me andonlyme. Oh joy.
Piss off. I have enough baggage of my own that I’m already working through. I’m not shouldering his, too.
I did apologize to him, though. Later, I realized I was insensitive during his very first time opening up about his sexuality. That, I definitely regret—my initial reaction was wrong. In the end, I told him there could never be anything romantic between us. I also said that if he truly feels he’s queer, he should explore that and gain a better understanding of himself—that he shouldn’t hold anyone else responsible for his feelings and choices. It’s not fair to the person he’s in a relationship with. I also told him to be honest with his family, when he’s ready, and on his own terms.
He told me to stop treating him like one of my patients, but I hope he listens. I usually charge an obscene amount of money for that kind of advice, and he got it for free.
I promised to check in with him at least once a month. That’s shit on my end, but I’m busy, aren’t I? Shifting into a vampire. I didn’t tell him anything about that because we had enough on our plates. Ididtell him that I’m moving in and have been sleeping with Junichi. He kept pestering me on that topic, so I finally admitted as much.
He asked me a lot of questions about Jun—what he does, where he grew up, his family background. Honestly, I was surprised I could answer him. The way I talked, I sounded like a bloke with a proper boyfriend. Someone in a stable relationship. I don’t feel that I am, but the template is there. The only question I couldn’t answer was how old Junichi is.
In an oddly sincere moment, Cy also asked if Jun makes me happy. I wanted to tell him he makes me feel like I’ve sprouted wings so I can fly over the moon for him and bring back the stars. He makes me so happy and comfortable that I’m willing to lap up his fuckingbloodafter he bites himself for me.What kind of psychotic level of affection is that?
I settled with a simple “Yes.”
I’m walking up to Jun’s house now with my rolling luggage, rucksack and a reusable shopping bag full of groceries. It’s Friday, late afternoon—one full week since Junichi essentially brought me back to life from the near-dead. He’s left a key underneath the front doormat for me. He’s working late in his shop, so he told me to let myself in and make myself comfortable.
I do just that. He said I can take the room down an opposite hallway from his… Fantastic.
Sarcasm aside, it’s a nice room. There are lovely green plants set in glass jars full of clean water hanging from the walls, a slim window with a view to the quiet street, and the mattress is covered in white, fluffy down bedding. This feels quite the step up from my shabby flat. Maybe I’m the poor bloke in the gay romances Cy was going on about, and now comes the part of the story where the rich benefactor has taken me in?
I’m not exactly poor though. I’m not rich, but I do have a little more than a hundred thousand pounds in my investment portfolio and about fifty thou in my savings, plus the paid-for house in Bristol. Not too shabby, but I should probably be much further along in my retirement savings.
After I’ve unpacked my things, I head to the kitchen to unload my shopping bag and start dinner. Lulú is following me, slinking about all the while. I occasionally reach down and pet her, letting her arch her smooth back into my palm as she purrs. What’s incredible is every time I speak to her, she responds.
“Do you think Jun will be upset if I take over his kitchen for a bit?”
“Meow.”
“He doesn’t seem to use it much, does he?”
