Page 57 of The Awakening
“I don’t mean to shout at you. I just… Imissyou. You weren’t very busy back home, so I couldseeyou or pop into your office anytime and bring you lunch—remember? The number twenty-six pad see ew with fried tofu and extra broccoli?”
I sigh. “I do miss that Thai restaurant.”
“And I miss going to the pub together on Saturday nights. I miss playing footie with you in Port Meadow on Sundays. We talked all the time, Jae, but now you’re here and you’reDoctor Busy, and it’s like I don’t even exist to you anymore… I want you to come back home.”
Cyrus is staring at me and being so sincere that it makes me slightly uncomfortable. Usually everything is rough and tumble with him—a smack on the shoulder or whack in the back of my head. Some snarky, rude comment that makes me want to punch him. I don’t know if he realizes how close to my face he is. I want to lean back, but I don’t want to trigger him into being a knob again, so I shift my gaze down from his face. “I can’t come back home. I have a contract with the hospital, and… Ilikeit here. I enjoy being busy, and I like my patients and the people I’m meeting. You and Pippa are starting a life together. You don’t need me to be your third wheel—and I don’t want to be.”
I think I’ve made my point when a comfortable silence settles between us. That is, until Cyrus blinks his chocolate eyes at me. “You don’t have to be.”
I frown. “What does that mean?”
“It can just be me and you, if you want that?”
Now I’m blinking at him, utterly lost. I’m about to ask him what the hell he’s talking about, but before I can, he leans in and kisses me. Straight on. Cyrus’s mouth on mine. It’s like I’ve received a jolt of electricity, because I jump back and away from him. He’s still leaning toward me and my eyes are wild. “What in God’s name are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Why?”
“Because… because I fancy you, Jae. Ilikeyou.”
Now we’re both staring at each other—Cyrus like he’s just told me the sky is blue, and me like he’s suddenly sprouted a second head.
“What?”
“Is this really so shocking for you?” Cy scowls. “Even my bloody little sister saw it when we were still lads. My father had avicioustalk with me about it when we were teenagers… and once you’d finally left for Japan, Pippa said, ‘My biggest competition is gone.’”
I shake my head. “No.Cy, you arenotgay.”
“What if I am?”
“You’re not.”
“Maybe I am, Jae… I’m gay for you.”
“Oh—oh Christ.Oh no—”
“What?” Cyrus says, his brows tight. “What’s wrong with that?”
“It’sawful.”
“It’s romantic.”
I scoff, shaking my head in disbelief. “It is not.”
Cyrus finally sits up straight, folding his arms. “Why? How the hell isn’t it romantic?”
I pause, still awkwardly leaning away from him. “Because all the weight and responsibility ofyoursexuality is on me, isn’t it? As soon as things go to shit, you’re not ‘gay for me’ anymore—it’ll bemy faultyou’re gay. My fault that your life is ruined and your family quarrels with you. No thanks, mate.”
“No! I wouldn’t do that to you. It won’t be like that—”
“And what about Pippa?” I ask, incredulous. “You’re tomarryher in three months—”
Cyrus grabs my arms and pulls me upright toward him. When I’m close, he uses one hand to thread his fingers against the back of my head while he holds my upper arm tight with the other.
“Will you just—Shit.Can youcalm downfor a minute? You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to say these things to you—how long I’ve wanted to touch you, you… absurdly clever, perfectly quirky and delightful man.” He leans in, but I lean back this time, still looking at him like he has two heads. I feel as if I’ve entered some upside-down parallel universe.
“Can we please justtry?” Cy asks. No, he pleads. His fingers are rubbing against my scalp and his eyes are so soft. He’s never looked at me like this—with such affection and longing. “Please?”
