Page 113 of The Awakening
“I don’t have to if you aren’t ready. We have lots of time.”
“No,” he says, looking up at me. “I’d like to try it. What should I do?”
“Let’s look at this as an exercise in listening to your body and nature. Just relax and trust in it.”
Forty-Nine
Jae
Junichi sits up straighter underneath me, sliding his palms up my back to hold me against his chest and lifting his face toward the concave of my neck. I raise my hands from the water and embrace him, curling my fingers at the top of his spine. I’m nervous about him kicking the beehive when the bees have all finally fallen asleep. But if he says this will be a good thing, then I believe him.
He licks me just underneath my jawline—a long, flat stroke—then licks my neck and underneath my ear, tasting me before he bites. When Jun sinks his teeth in, he moans, and that sound and his hardness underneath me kickstart the fire inside. The heat of it is already pulsing up the length of my spine.
My eyes alight and I take a breath. For the first time, I can distinctly perceive Jun’s mind and what he’s doing to me. He’s telling me I’m safe and that he loves me—I’m perfect just the way I am, and he’ll never leave me. I never have to be alone again. The thoughts are so pristine in my mind that I canfeelthem. It makes me shudder in his arms, and my eyes water because my heart is overwhelmed.
Everything he’s conveying and these warm, soft whispers swarming within me are what I need right now. I don’t have the space to be embarrassed about this, because it feels too good to be denied. I don’t want to shortchange it with doubts or insecurities.
He feeds and my breath catches. I hold on to him tighter, because he’s pulling at something inside me and it feels as if I might be flipped inside out. It’s scary because it’s an unknown. I don’t know what to expect. But there’s too much goodness accompanying it to truly deny whatever is happening. He pulls again and I tense and groan, my eyes wide as I hold on to him. I think… I should let him take what he’s pulling. My body is telling me to say yes. To submit to everything he’s giving me.
When Junichi pulls the third time, he squeezes me even tighter against his hard frame in the water and I’m spent. I stop resisting. The fire inside me shoots up my spine, to my brain and groin and everywhere and anywhere it can go. I physically come against Jun’s stomach, but it’s so much more than that. It’s like a weight has been lifted from me, or my very soul has been set free and I’m unburdened. It leaves me gasping and shaking, and the glow of my energy is purplish blue and all around us like a glittery haze.
My body is tense and caught up in a kind of glorious rapture for a long moment with everything in me pulsing outward. Slowly, the indigo haze dissipates and fizzles out. The tension releases, and I slump in Jun’s arms, my arms going limp as he holds me tight. I breathe out, utterly euphoric. “God…”
“It’s just Jun.”
I’m in a daze. I feel as light as a feather, but I laugh, lifting my hands to cradle his head once more. When he lifts his chin to me, I kiss him with everything I have. With my whole heart. I haven’t kissed Jun like this since I was human, but I remember how to do it and what it feels like. Shameless. Confident and uninhibited. Blissful.
When he finally pulls his head away from me, he’s grinning. “That good, huh? I know I’ve done something well when you kiss me that way.”
My lids are heavy as I look at him, and I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I just can’t stop myself. “I think you should stretch me…” I lean in to kiss him again, but he pulls away.
“How about you stretch me?”
That makes me sober a little. “Pardon?”
He slides his hands down my hips and along my thighs. “Make love to me.”
In another unexpected turn, I laugh. “Why?”
“Why not?”
“Because… that’s not what we do. It’ll be awkward. I’m not a brilliant lead in bed like you are.”
Jun chuckles, his black eyes shining in the warm, sparkling lights surrounding us. “Thank you for that. But I think you’re an incredible lead, Jae.”
Silence. I’m staring at him because I genuinely don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. “What?”
“When you let me have you, you set the pace, sunshine—not me. Webothlead, but in different ways, and we listen to each other. I might make the house look aesthetically pleasing, but you’re the foundation and you’re amazing. Every single time.”
Shaking my head, I stifle a laugh. We lead together and I set the pace? That’s a paradigm shift that I’m not quite in the proper headspace for. I’ll have to give it more thought later when I’m not sitting on top of this wolf, distracted and sincerely hoping we can stop talking so he can be inside me already.
In my silence, Jun whispers, “I want to do everything with you. And this is something I haven’t tried in over a hundred years of lovemaking.”
“Not ever?”
“Nope. Could you give me that tonight? Our first night bonded together…” He kisses the corner of my mouth, then my cheek and down to my jawline.
Junichi is the designer. The one with the catalog of positions and seductive little moves. He’s the wolf. I am not, but… I love him. And I want to make him feel good like he’s just done for me. So, alright. I got this. Goggles on.
