Page 67 of Lore and Lust
Shifting his head to look over at him with panicked eyes, Haruka waits. Nino seems so calm and unbothered as he sits in the hazy yellow sunlight. Haruka can’t understand it.
Nino sighs. “No, Haru, I’m not scared. I don’t know… Like I told you last night, something in me relaxed after we made love. It settled me and I hadn’t even realized how badly I needed that.”
Haruka drops his hand from his forehead and exhales. He supposes it’s good that at least one of them is calm.
“Speaking of Yuna…” Nino furrows his brow. “What was she talking about last night?
“She told me that after five years of attempting to bond with Kenta she was unsuccessful. She was tersely suggesting that I might befall a similar fate.”
“Well… that certainly doesn’t seem to be the case.”
“Indeed.” Haruka closes his eyes again, taking slow, concentrated breaths. This is unfathomable.
“Why are you scared of this?” Nino asks softly. “What are you afraid of, exactly? Do you think… that I’ll do the same thing Yuna did to you?”
“I—No, I don’t.” He pulls his body upright to sit beside Nino. “My bond with Yuna… It was a very strict and rigid thing. I constantly sacrificed my desires in every way, and being beholden to her… Bonding means the loss ofautonomy, Nino. My body is no longer exclusively my own. It unsettles me to be so vulnerable and bound this way again. Can you understand?”
“I understand,” Nino says, his expression thoughtful as he folds his arms. “But… can I offer a different perspective?”
“Of course.”
“What if nothing changes?” Nino blinks, waiting. Haruka’s brows draw together in confusion. In his estimation,everythinghas changed.
“What do you mean?”
“I enjoy spending time with you—you enjoy spending time with me. That’s why we’re here, yes?”
“Yes,” Haruka says.
“I love you.” Nino smiles. “You love me…”
“I do.”
“The way I see it, now we just get to be together all the time.” Nino shrugs. “We were starting to make plans for me to move here anyway. We made that decision. You say that you’re afraid of being beholden, but to me, we’refreenow. We’re not limited anymore. We can research and help each other. We can be closer and nourish each other without worrying. You don’t need to restrict your aura—you can just be yourself.”
Be myself?Haruka stares forward, letting the words sink in. It is a paradigm shift in his mind. Being bonded is a means of being free? How? When he’d been bonded before, all he did was sacrifice the things he wanted. This is his station in life—constant sacrifice. He tries to wrap his consciousness around Nino’s point of view. It is difficult.
“I’ve never forced you to do anything, Haru, and you’ve never imposed anything on me. That’s not our relationship. Why would we suddenly start doing that to each other now?”
Haruka sighs. “I… I don’t know.”
“I’m excited,” Nino says, folding his hands in his lap. “Now I can help you with your realm, if you want me to. And I can feed you whenever you want. I can finally tell you how beautiful I think you are, hopefully without you thinking I’m just trying to get in your pants—although I would…reallylike to do that again, but that’s not my point.”
Haruka closes his eyes and breathes a laugh. He rubs his palm down his face.
“My point is, I’m happy… about this,” Nino continues. “And I’m curious to explore what’s happened between us. It feels like the energy of our natures has fused together, like maybe we share our innate auras. Two bodies, one essence. We should figure this out. We might be like the Wonder Twins or something.”
“The what?” Haruka frowns.
Nino shakes his head, incredulous. “How is it that you know ancient languages and can recite Greek philosophy, but you have aridiculousblind spot for pop culture?”
“This is untrue.” Haruka raises his chin. “I know music, particularly from the modal, bebop and free jazz movements.”
“Yeah?” Nino’s eyes narrow in challenge. “What about outside of that? Jimmy Hendrix, Freddy Mercury, Prince and David Bowie?”
“Yes.” Haruka turns his nose up, indignant.
“Bruno Mars? Gaga?”
