Page 59 of Lore and Lust
[You should be sleeping, it can wait until later.]
[Just call. I’ll be up. mmt+]
Haruka frowns, confused as he types his response.
[Nino, what does that mean?]
[Mi manchi tantissimo.]
Haruka smiles.
[I miss you, too.]
* * *
Forty minutes later,Yuna appears in the doorway to the tea room of Haruka’s estate… like a physical ghost from his despondent past. As ghosts do, she is silently watching him— cautious in a frozen, awkward moment.
She is wearing a sky-blue dress that gracefully flows just below her knees. There was a time when he loved this color on her. She knows this. It perfectly accentuates her slim waist and small, elegant frame as if it were tailored specifically to her pale body. Her shoulder-length dark brown hair is clean and lustrous, framing her oval face like a heavy curtain.
She gracefully steps down from the hardwood of the hallway and onto the lower tatami flooring of the tea room. Haruka stands, nodding politely as she reaches the small sofa opposite him. A modern wooden coffee table is set between them.
Yuna dips her head in a bow and Haruka notices that Asao has remained watchful of the situation in the doorframe behind her. His eyes are narrowed in distrust.
“Hello, Haruka…” she says, sitting on the couch. She breathes a laugh—a lighthearted, fluttery sound. “We seem a bit worse for wear, don’t we?”
It’s true. She looks pale. Gaunt. Where her eyes had once been a deep, rich brown with lovely flecks of robin’s egg blue, they are now washed out, almost milky. They look as if she’d been ill and has never properly recovered from it. Haruka is also not in optimum health, having been separated from Nino for a month now and feeding from a lower-ranked source. However, Yuna’s condition seems somewhat exaggerated in comparison.
Another oddity is her scent. In the past, Yuna’s essence had registered as sweet but zesty to Haruka’s nature—like lemon trees blossoming in the springtime. Now her scent is sour. It distinctly reminds him of the six months he’d spent violently and painfully expelling her nature from his body.
“Such is life,” Haruka says. “What can I help you with?”
She pouts, a familiar hurt in her expression. “Straight to business? As if I’m some piddling member of your aristocracy? We haven’t seen each other inseventy years. And you ignored all my letters. You sent them back.”
“I could not fathom why you would write to me in such frequent intervals, or what we would need to discuss at any length.”
“I’ve missed you.” She takes a deep breath, pinching the hem of her dress with her fingertips. “Everyone has missed you. It took meyearsto track you down after you left. You kept moving around.”
“It was within my right to do so.”
“I know that, Haruka, but…” She furrows her brow in obvious frustration and shakes her head. The subtle movement makes her thick hair bounce and sway. “You act as if we didn’t spend our childhood together—as if we’re strangers who only met in passing. Our parents were friends—my parents still love you. We werebondedand had a life together. I know you don’t believe me, but I loved you and cared about you very much. Istilldo. Why is it impossible to you that I could simultaneously love two people?”
Haruka sighs. His chest is heavy and tight. Is this her rationale? Does this justify her choices and behavior? As if loving two people reasonably allows her to orchestrate a double life. As if she is entitled to secretly, cruelly indulge in everything her heart desires. Meanwhile, Haruka received nothing. Not even the trust, transparency and confidence of a faithful mate.
Why does he need to sit here and listen to this? He feels nauseous. The flood of embarrassment and shame he’d felt back then is quickly rising up like bile in his throat.
“Yuna, why are you here?” Haruka pleads, ignoring her question. “Is this necessary? Where is Kenta, and why are you not happily bonded with him?”
She leans forward, urgency in her voice. “That’s why I tried to find you all those years and kept writing to you, because I wanted to tell you what happened. After our bond broke, Kenta and I, we—we did try to bond. But we never could. It would never take! I don’t think I can bond anymore. I think I’ve lost the ability.”
He sits with his arms folded, processing. How can you lose the ability to bond? It is an innate feature of their biology. Part of what defines them. How can something so fundamental to their species be broken?
Yuna’s voice is low, her eyes sympathetic. “I heard about how sick you became after we separated… That didn’t happen to me at all. I tried to come see you but Asao sent me away. When I came back a few months later, you were gone.”
Rubbing his palm down his face, he sighs. He needs to treat this like a professional call—like someone in his realm who requires his help and expertise. “How long did you try to form a bond with Kenta?”
“Five years. Then we gave up. He lives in Tokyo now. He’s… bonded with another female.”
Five years.To go so long without a successful bond is odd. InLore and Lust, the longest any documented couple went was about two and a half years.
