Page 101 of A Vow of Shadow and Blood
I stalk into the bathroom, turn on the faucet, and splash my face with cold water. A moment of relief comes before I descend into the madness of my thoughts again. No matter how much I know it is wrong, my body wants him.Needs him.It’s as though the bond is constantly pushing me toward him, and it makes me sick. I shouldn’t feel this way about a monster. I watched him kill a room full of innocent humans. He is cruel, and not even the bond can hide that.
A voice reminds me that I, too, have killed his kind.But they were deserving.They were monsters that only fell for my trap because they were happy to attack me. I shake off the thoughts and take a breath. It’s as though the walls are closing in on me. Suffocating me within my own mind. Between the throbbing between my thighs and the constant doubt in my mind, I need to get out of here.
I drag on a pair of leggings and a tunic and get the hell out of my room before anyone notices. I move quickly toward the library. I need to find out exactly how to break this bond because nobody else seems to be trying anymore. It’s like Iza is so focused on whatever secret project Karius has her on that the bond is at the back of her mind. He should want this to end as much as I do. How can he want to live like this? It’s torture. It’s like a constant magnet inside trying to pull me in a direction I don’t really want to go. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Guilt twists my stomach as I remember every smile and every laugh I’ve indulged in while I’ve been here. I left Cora behind with Amabel, and I now know the kind of monster that she is, and Willow. Gods, I don’t even know what’s happening with her. Is she even still…
I can’t let myself finish the thought. I can’t accept that because I don’t think I can live with it. My thoughts are thankfully cutshort when I realize that I’m standing outside the library. I got here far quicker than usual, and it hits me that Karius’s shared senses have become such a constant presence that I slip into using them without even noticing. I push against the heavy doors with ease and make my way into the large space.
Starlight hovers in the air, casting a soft glow on the library. It looks so different from how it does in the day. It’s eerily silent, and I feel a pull that is drawing me back to my room, but I can’t return there. Not now. Not with how I’m feeling. I weave my way through bookcases filled with books until I reach the table tucked neatly into the back. The librarian leaves it untouched as requested by Iza, and nobody dares even go near it.
I slip into one of the chairs, reaching for a starlight orb and pulling it down until it hovers just over the stack of books, illuminating them in a light that makes it just bright enough to see. It still amazes me to watch such magic. The way it is almost programmed to know when to become brighter or dimmer.
I slip a text from the pile titledMating Bonds and Soulmates.I flick it open, my eyes homing in on every word as they scan down the page. I flick through the pages until I land on the foreword.
Before starting this book, it is important to understand the fundamental difference between a soulmate and a mating bond. There have been many vampires over the centuries who have fallen into the habit of using the terms interchangeably, but they are not, in fact, and have never been, the same thing.
A soulmate, while a special term, involves no direct interference from the gods. It is a simple term used to denote the connection between two individuals. Soulmates can be both platonic and romantic relationships, someone who is often found to be so connected that one would deem it a deeper bond than a usual relationship has to offer.
A mating bond, on the other hand, was designed by the gods themselves. It is also important to understand that matingbonds are not gifted to all vampires but can indeed be bestowed upon any vampire. A mating bond, in its most basic form, is a connection between a Crown and an individual chosen by the gods themselves. That person is usually of close or equal power to the crown. By bonding, these two individuals share in many things: the ability to heal one another with their blood, the sharing of power, and the sharing of life, among many other things. In truth, the full scope of the mating bond has yet to be discovered and is, in fact, different for all who experience it. In conclusion, the mating bond is the highest connection that exists. Not only do the pair share in life and magic, but the two are perfectly made for one another. Many individuals have been known to try to fight the bond, but it is simply not possible. Eventually, both parties give in because the pull is beyond what they can physically resi—
I slam the book shut, not wanting to hear any more about this damn bond. I have little care for how it connects us. I just need to know how to break the damn thing. Every day, I can feel it drawing me closer, silently begging me to give in, and I feel like I’m going insane. I need it to stop.
I pick up another book, flicking through its pages incessantly, but yet again I find nothing. I spend the next hour reading and re-reading text after text in the hope of finding something new, but there’s nothing. Only more confirmation that the bond is too powerful to be broken.
“Fuck!”
My head falls down onto the table in frustration. This can’t be it. I cannot live with my life tied to Karius forever. Surely a mistake has been made. The gods cannot have gotten this right. Everything I have read has been explicit in the fact that a bond is between two people of equal or similar power, so why me? Why would it pair him with a human? It doesn’t make sense. I just don’t understand ho—
Turn around.
The urgency in Athriel’s voice makes me jump up and spin where I stand. Instantly, my eyes clasp on the boy from the other day. The one who found me when I was snooping through Karius’s brother’s room. My heart plummets, and I back up until I’m pressed against the table, but he does nothing but watch me.
He doesn’t move from his spot and only tilts his head, looking at me in confusion.
“It’s not right,” he says.
“What do you want?”
He shakes his head, and then his eyes meet mine and widen almost as if he has only just noticed that I’m standing here. My eyes flit around the space, hoping to find some form of weapon, but there’s nothing but books.
The boy takes a step forward, and my back stiffens.
“Stay back,” I warn.
He looks up again as if surprised to hear my voice, and then he shakes his head in confusion.
“You shouldn’t be here. It’s all wrong.”
My heart pounds inside my chest as I take in the tattered state of his clothing. The rips and tears as though he has been tearing at it. He tilts his head from side to side before finally standing unnaturally still. His eyes don’t move, and he doesn’t blink as if he is frozen in time. He moves the same way Julian’s people did when they fought to save us in the bloodring, and the terrifying weight of that realization crashes down on me.
“Where is she?”
As though I just pulled him from a deep trance, his head snaps up and he looks at me, his dark eyes swirling in confusion.
“She?” His voice is not like it was the other day. It is like many voices, silky and harsh, loud and quiet, bending in and out of sync.
“My sister.”
“Sister.” He speaks the word as though he is trying to understand it, as if it is the first time he has ever heard it. A long pause passes before he looks up at me. “You speak of Willow.”
