Page 76 of Check the Halls
“I appreciate it.” I open the door wider and he steps inside. His gaze remains fixed on me, making my body prickle with awareness. “How was your trip?”
“Hmmm?” He’s staring at me with such focus, I have to laugh. I wave a hand in front of his face, which breaks the spell. “Sorry, Madness.” The rumble of his laugh reverberates low in my stomach. “You look so, so lovely.”
Maybe I should be embarrassed by his attention, but I’m not. I crave it like a habit I was never fully able tokick. He has always looked at me in a way that made me feel so desired, but not objectified.
“Thank you.” I hold his gaze, standing a bit straighter. Wordlessly telling him to look all he likes. “Dinner is almost ready. Would you like something to drink? The guy who owns the place has a great wine collection.”
His laugh is full and genuine. “Lady’s choice.”
I walk to the kitchen slowly, swaying my hips a bit more than necessary, just in case he’s watching me walk away. I hope that he is.
I pour the wine from the decanter and as I’m watching the rich, burgundy liquid make patterns on the glass, it finally hits me: I want to try again.
The revelation shouldn’t come as a surprise, given everything that’s transpired over the last couple of months, but it’s enough to knock the wind out of me and leave me breathless.
If he asked me right now for a promise of forever, I couldn’t give it. Not yet. We can’t just wipe the slate clean and pick up where we left off all those years ago.
But I’m willing to try. I’m willing to risk getting hurt for the reward of what we could have been. What we still could be.
I just hope that will be enough for him.
Ben is sitting on the couch when I return with the wine. Cheshire is sprawled over his lap, not asking for but demanding his attention. Ben seems only too happy to oblige, his big hands working through his thick fur. I stare at his hands, wishing they were on me. Caressing me, teasing me, winding me higher and higher.
I am jealous of a cat. Should I be in therapy? Becausethis seems unhealthy and I should maybe unpack these feelings with an unbiased party.
“Penny for your thoughts?”
I tear my gaze from Ben’s hands to find him staring at me curiously. He looks so relaxed. So entirely in his element. You would think that mine and Cheshire’s sudden presence in his home would bother him, if only a little. But he seems so content. Like he’s happier with us here. Like we belong here. With him.
Cheshire purrs loudly, clearly willing to welcome him back into his life.
“Wine?” The word sounds forced and uncertain. Like I’m not even sure that’s what’s in the glass despite having poured it myself from the bottle moments ago. I walk closer on unsteady legs, handing him the glass. He accepts it in one hand, but his other hand closes over my wrist gently.
“Maddy?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay?”
I nod quickly. It’s not a lie. I am okay. Better than okay. Since ending my relationship with Derek, it’s like I can breathe again.
“Are you sure? Because if I’m rushing things…if I’m putting too much pressure on you.”
“You aren’t,” I insist, sinking to the couch next to him. Cheshire, no longer the sole focus of Ben’s attention, gets bored and stalks off.
“I just don’t want you to feel like I’m hurrying you. I’m not going anywhere. We can take as much time as you want.”
“‘If you knew time as well as I do, you wouldn’t talk about wasting it.’”
I can tell by the way his expression warms that he remembers the Mad Hatter quote from my favourite book.
“Speaking of which.” Ben takes my wine and sets both glasses down on the coffee table. “I have something for you.” I watch him as he walks across the room, his movements strong and graceful. He grabs his coat from where it’s resting on the back of a chair and reaches inside, pulling something out.
His walk back to me is slower, like he’s grown nervous.
“I got you something. In Florida this week.” He sits back beside me and holds out a paper gift bag. It’s slightly crumpled from being inside his coat.
“You don’t need to buy me things, Ben.”
